[Tribute]
Anne Abayasekara –
90th Birthday reflection:
An Abundant Life
She was due to reach four score years and ten on April 3, 2015. We
had planned to rejoice with her in a manner similar to our father’s 90th
birthday celebrated in December 2004. It was not to be. She contracted
flu at the end of 2014, followed by hospitalisation on January 2 and
passed away on January 4.
Amma
left us peacefully and quickly, a manner she’d always desired. At the
beginning of a new year, before many were aware of her illness, the
message spread that Anne Abayasekara had completed her time on earth.
The funeral service on January 7th at the Kollupitiya Methodist Church
was followed by her cremation at Kanatte.
The first tribute to her in a newspaper appeared that same morning.
Other appreciations soon followed. They were from a cross-section of
people, in Sri Lanka and overseas – old friends and recent friends.
Cards, messages and emails coming in each day, made it clear that her
life had impacted numerous people in a deep and lasting manner.
These heartfelt expressions prompt us to pause, amidst our sense of
loss, to reflect upon her life
What was it that connected her so deeply and indelibly to all these
people?
Is there a limit to a single heart’s capacity to care?
When you call someone Friend, is it for all of your days?
Are words ‘Mother’ and ‘Family’ inwardly focused, or do they encompass
deeper meanings?
Parting – is it final when someone is gone?
Upon reading the varied messages one realises her multi-faceted nature.
Enriched
Regular readers of newspaper columns and letters viewed her as a
forthright writer articulating the thoughts of many who stood for a
united country, and were appalled by the path the country was being
taken by those in power and the propagation of various forms of
extremism.
To others she was a homemaker who had shared interesting experiences
in raising a large family.
She was also a leader in the Methodist Church, who lived out her
faith through action.Many appreciated her contribution to the community
as a family counsellor, while to others she was simply a dear friend.
To the family circle she was the one who by constant contact kept the
whole circle united by love. Through her actions, spoken and written
words she enriched all our lives.
‘Peace on earth’
In looking at her personality, we realise that she applied her gifts
of head and heart, at an individual level and also the wider level of
community and nation. She knew that ‘Peace on earth’ is only possible if
there is peace within oneself and in relationships one had with others.
Factors that contributed to achieving inner peace, and its fruits,
are her upbringing, schooling, faith, reading habit and marriage. Coming
from a background where her parents had little ability to bestow
material gifts, and being boarded at a tender age in a Colombo school
far away from home, gave her well-grounded values.
As a devoted daughter she had her parents live in her home until the
end of their days. She lacked a sister, but made up for this by close
bonds with cousins, which lasted throughout their lives. The close tie
with her brother played a key role in her life. His facing a job
interview at Lake House, led to her being called there too at age 17.
Thus began a career of over 70 years spent immersed in the joy of
writing. She was always grateful to Lake House and its founder D. R.
Wijewardene.
Schooling at C.M.S. Ladies’ College in Colombo led to early
blossoming of her personality.
The multi-ethnic friendships cemented for life in school, coloured
her vision for a harmonious and united country. Foreigners were never
‘aliens’ and she forged many enduring friendships with overseas folks.
Amma also created new friendships throughout her life, discovering
kindred spirits in a wide range of people, while carefully nurturing old
friendships. She never forgot the debt owed to Miss Gwen Opie from New
Zealand – her school principal- for teaching Christian values by word
and deed. Her deep faith, blended with these values, social conscience
and wide reading set her for life on the side of the less fortunate,
willing to take risks when necessary.
Once in the 1960s arriving too early outside the then Colombo Oval to
pick up a son after the Royal-Thomian cricket match, she had slum kids
clamouring around her car. She asked them all to pile in, and drove a
few times around Wanathamulla Road, to give them probably their first
car ride. While driving a back door opened and one kid fell out of the
car! Fortunately there was no injury. She sheepishly told Thatha and us
of the incident. We knew that ‘the least of these’ had found a place in
her compassionate heart.
In her school days, together with close friends she had ‘rebelled’ at
one time, refusing to sing the then National anthem ‘God Save the King’,
and demanding that India be freed from the colonial yoke!
Never one to sway with political winds she stayed steadfast to her
conscience. In 1983 while there was a profound silence in the media, she
wrote forthright articles, which were published in The Sun. In the dark
days of Black July, Amma & Thatha protected neighbours from the rampage
outside, and were able to give despairing relatives who telephoned from
overseas the ability to speak to loved ones kept safe under their roof.
In February 1994, she joined a Methodist Church group to travel to
Jaffna taking train to Vavuniya, and on tractor-trailer, bicycle pillion
and bus rest of the way. Her words from the heart, to people she met
there had an effect on them; their silent suffering had an effect on
her. She remembered the look in their eyes whenever she spoke or wrote
on the topic.
In more recent years, when ‘the vans’ were doing their best to stifle
opinion, she stood her ground. She never flinched from speaking up
against injustice, and supported others who also spoke up for National
reconciliation & good governance.
Even while a busy mother she was a Red Cross blood donor. When all of
us were students, the household comprised between 12 to14 people, at
times cousins also found lodging at home. If she thought an occasion
warranted it, she was first to say sorry – even leaving a note of
apology on a bed. She encouraged all of us to make our own choices in
life, assured we all knew our roots.
Unique friend
As the family grew through marriage, Amma formed strong bonds with
in-laws and progeny. Children of her friends, friends of her children
found her to be a confidant and unique friend. Active on email until
days before her death, she was in touch globally. Her memory seemed
phenomenal - it stemmed from genuine interest in each one.
Music and song were a core part of her life. She used the piano to
create a certain atmosphere within the home. Tunes from ‘Everybody’s
Favourites’ music book would waft through the house like a blessing, oft
times accompanied by her singing. Her creative writing was not limited
to prose. It was best seen in the annual song she composed for
Thaththa’s birthday, set to a popular tune and practised by us in
secret.
His birthday celebrated around Christmas, complete with Variety
Family Concert and Nativity Play, was a focal event among friends and
relatives. Many still recall magical memories of those times. She later
composed songs to be sung at some family weddings.Her way of coping with
aging and medical issues was an example. She didn’t complain of
undergoing surgical procedures and produced articles that were
informative and had a humorous touch.
The flame of love for her motherland burned stronger after she walked
around our ruined cities for the first time, hand in hand with Thaththa
in the early years of marriage. The fire had been lit when as a 23 year
old journalist she attended the Independence Day inauguration on 4th
February 1948.
Those of her generation had visions of a united and happy nation
dashed, and hopes for unity replaced by language and religious hatred.
Democratic institutions were distorted; self-glorification, violence and
corruption had become the norm. She joined groups such as the Friday
Forum and kept on writing, arguing for alternatives…for better days
ahead.
What caused Amma’s life to be so Abundant? It is a combination of the
aspects mentioned earlier. The principal contributing factor is that she
had married the one person in the world who was just right for her.
Amma and Thaththa complemented each other perfectly although
appearing to be opposites – he cerebral and given to speak only after
due consideration; she lively, with opinions to air and more than ten
years younger! Each contributed to the other’s success in ‘the art of
living.’ Their perfect partnership enabled her talents and character to
bloom.
Thaththa’s death in August 2005 was the hardest blow she ever
received, and his absence was, for her, an ever aching void. They both
had long lives, not least because of exceptional care given by their
physician. For the extra years he added to their time on earth, they
were, and we are always grateful.
Amma had e-mail friends overseas whom she never met. One has written
to us, asking that selected writings be published as a book, for future
generations to read and to benefit the land she loved so dearly.
Looking back we now realise that although she was our mother, she was
‘Mother’ personified to many others by caring relationships. We were her
family, but she showed how one also creates ‘Family’ by concerned and
enduring kinships.
She has now passed beyond the horizon of our earthly vision, but left
us a legacy. Not jewellery or estates, but words of love and an example
of a life lived in all its fullness.
She left hand written notebooks filled with words, quotes and
extracts she valued. In 2011, she thought it apt to leave a message to
all the family in case of sudden departure. Her words of farewell, “When
I am gone”, give us comfort and their spirit will endure.
We were fortunate to be raised on the bedrock of the love our parents
had for each other and for each one of us. These will continue to be our
inspiration, and beacon, for generations to come.
- Ranjan Abayasekara |