Are men designed for monogamy?

"Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error." George Bernard Shaw

Well, now we know that wolfs mate for life as do gibbons; and there are a few other species that do as well. However, when it comes to members of the Homo Sapience - the primate species to which modern humans belong - we are generally inclined to believe that the female of the species wants monogamy; and the male delights in novelty. The truth is, monogamy is an idea we Sri Lankans caught from the west during the Victorian era; and another truth is, monogamy, or whatever the opposite is; depends on the person and on the situation. In fact, the romantic concept of monogamy is an illusion.

Many of us discover this truth at the end of a love affair or else when the sweet emotions of love lead us into marriage and then turn down their flames. Whilst happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance, which depends on the temperament of the partners in marriage; marriage itself is, only the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

We stick with it, as it is better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. Thus, if marriage requires a special talent, like acting; monogamy requires genius; and we are aware as to the number of geniuses in this world. Monogamous commitment is surely a minority tendency expediently elevated to a general social principle by women.

That is why the women say: when a man cheats, it is because he is a dog; but when a woman cheats, it is because her man is a dog: such reasoning is the reason why one should never challenge a woman to an argument. Be that, as it may; veritably, truly, and finally, if we are driven to monogamy, it is not because of morality; but most probably, because of exhaustion.

Principle

I do not think it is in the nature of any man to be monogamous; even though, it could be argued, that virtue, excellence, morals, and the natural principle of benevolence in man, demands man to be so. However, men are only agents of evolutionary change, propelled by genetically ordained impulses over which they have no control in distributing their seed.

In truth, and as a matter of fact, monogamy does not reflect the genetic inclinations of logic: the one general law, leading to the advancement of all organic beings to be, multiply, and vary; or vary, multiply, and be; permitting the strongest to live and weakest to die.

There are no words to express the abyss between monogamy and having one ally. It may be, conceded to the mathematician that four is twice two; but two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one when man is, impelled into a monogamous relationship. Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation, a desire that extends to an infinite number of women.

The sexual act is an exciting, exhilarating, and an inspiring experience that cannot be, reduced to a chapter on hygienics. Sex, if anything, only multiplies the possibilities of desire, and we often think of infidelity as a physical act when the truth is, it started as a breach of emotional monogamy.

That is why it is important to set proper boundaries in our outside relationships so that our primary relationship is, protected from emotional promiscuity. It is impossible to escape the impression that people commonly apply false standards of measurement.

They seek hidden pleasures and admire them in others, though not openly perhaps; whilst they underestimate what is of true value in life. The value of a man should be, seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive.

Our present culture places high social standards on fidelity, demonizing the seemingly natural behaviour of diversifying one's sexual partnerships. This attitude, as I said earlier, is the Victorian standards of values and not our own, which we seem to have forgotten.

The percentage of wives cheating on their husbands rose by almost 40 percent during the last two decades while the number of men admitting to extramarital affairs held constant at 21 percent. This is according to the latest data from the National Opinion Research Center's General Social Survey, as published in Bloomberg Business Week. I am certain it is no different locally. The possible causations to the increase in women's sexual misadventures are, attributed to such as financial stability, social media, a changing sexual culture, and the realisation that women have an equal sex drive to men.

Infidelity

Many media outlets focus on infidelity as though it is a curse, and socially shame those that step out on their spouses. In reality, infidelity is not an epidemic, nor a behaviour that necessarily needs a solution or cure. Monogamy may be. Monogamy's stronghold on our belief brings ostracism and judgment to anyone who questions or strays from its boundaries.

A number of authors have recently questioned whether monogamy is the natural human state. Men have a strong urge for quick, frivolous, unattached sex, while thriving on the emotional monogamy, and continued love of their wife.

In Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, the authors Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá point to anthropological and biological evidence that humans are designed to seek variety in their sexual experiences. In his Psychology Today blog, Ryan calls the idea that "you should be completely happy, completely fulfilled with one partner for 50 years" a myth. "That's not the design of the human organism."

When the male says that he is not, meant to be monogamous; he is not talking about polygamy but about sex. He is saying that when he gets hungry he wants to eat: not only at home; but also to be able to go out for a feed. Scientists, and women everywhere, have long wondered exactly what keeps a man from straying with a stranger. From a biological perspective, at least, cheating is easy to understand. The more sexual partners a man has, the more likely he will be to pass on his genetic material. In the land of theory, if one male has sufficient energy and willing women, he could impregnate several females per day.

This means, at an average of three daily inseminations over nine months, roughly 821 children will share the same father. Even if he only fertilises one female a week, that is still 52 children a year. Assuming that humans seek the survival of our genes, it makes sense for the male to impregnate as many females as possible. However, it is quantity over quality.

On the other hand, the female has to go for quality over quantity because of her ability to pass on her genes is comparatively limited: one child a year for, say, 20 years. Given this disparity, the mother-to-be has to choose her potential children's father with care; and she seeks monogamy not only because it is easier for two people to care for children than for one, but also because in monogamy she sees security.

Married

So why do so many men settle down, get married, and stick around to raise their kids? Well, some interesting developments are taking place in the field of science. Researchers think they may have found a clue in oxytocin, a hormone released during sex and other intimate gestures like hugging or holding hands that is been proven to strengthen bonds.

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm. It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. They found that the hormone appears to boost men's attraction to their mate - even when presented with pictures of other women. The findings are, published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

So then, even if a faithful male would be an unusual phenomenon; women who are versed in the art of love will know how to keep their man faithful: simply release more Oxytocin.

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