Gentlemen can't be defined

Last week, UK's Country Life Magazine published an extensive 39-step guide to being the perfect gentleman in the modern age. Predictably, this elicited strong and diverse reactions from the public, with some denouncing the steps as nostalgic and ridiculous whilst others deemed the magazine's image of a 'modern gentleman' a thoroughly charming affair.

However, whilst the majority of commentators have swung to one extreme of opinion - either focusing on the ludicrousness of chasing sophistication and gallantry in the 21st century or yearning for the return of the refined man - Matthew Zorpas thinks that the magazine for the rural rich got it entirely wrong. The founder and eponymous author of 'The Gentleman Blogger' believes that modern gentlemen come in all shapes and sizes, and so has penned analternative guide of his own.

"A gentleman cannot easily be defined by taking part in 'masculine' activities," says Zorpas. "It is the unimportant or unexpected moments that define him. It is not, like Country Life clearly believe, a checklist, but rather a way of life.

"A gentleman is a knowledge-seeking individual who desires to live a rich life and has attention to detail. He embodies integrity and honour, and takes great effort in all of his interactions and transactions with others.

"He has style, charm and kindness. Today, gentlemen are more diverse and more approachable than they were in the past. However, with ever-increasing social pressures and distractions, it can be hard to both keep up and maintain a gentlemanly way of thinking."

Although Zorpas believes that Country Life got it wrong with their rigid list of rules, he doesn't think we should do away with the word 'gentleman' altogether.

He simply believes that these confusing times of encouraged individuality and increasing social acceptance have dashed the stereotypical preconceptions of what a gentleman is.

"Whilst the core ingredients of a gentleman - consideration, respect and self-assured confidence - arguably haven't changed in over 1,000 years, modern men can struggle to find their place in a world where lad culture and feminism prevail.

A gentleman needn't be defined by their appearance or their personal views; we can be distinctly diverse and still carry ourselves with confidence, manners and integrity. Since our father's time, the concept of the gentleman has gone beyond the normal stereotypes of masculine culture and transitioned into something that transcends these outdated notions.

"It's just about spending time on the challenging task of learning to feel comfortable in your own skin."

Zorpas, whose grand presence on social media shows that he is not mired in the pen-and-paper, hat-wearing gentle-mentality of old, asserts that a modern gentleman should not wallow in or long for days past. Instead, the blogger believes that, given the rise of technology and social openness, it is "far more acceptable to follow your own interests and passions into careers and pastimes you are genuinely interested in and stimulated by."

Zorpas believes that gentlemen are necessary to the successful continuation of modern culture; not to be idolised, but rather to set an example.

"They must be respected and recognised for their knowledge, manners, style, professional career, individuality and, above all, authenticity. We need gentlemen to guide the younger generations.

Because we continue to need individuals who inspire us or guide us through our challenging journeys.

A gentleman is just that: a role model who you can relate to, who inspires you and whose footsteps you would like to follow in."

So, whilst many people have decried Country Life in their strict outlining of the modern gentleman, and demanded that the word be struck from our vocabularies, Zorpas disagrees. The Gentleman Blogger simply believes that the definition requires changing and the parameters shifting.

"Because that's not what a modern gentleman is all about," concludes Zorpas. "A gentleman may still be perceived as someone who embodies a particular, antiquated set of skills or values and moves in certain social circles, but today it is much more about self-discovery, confidence, acceptability and excellence."

-The Telegraph

How to successfully embody a modern gentleman

Less of a list, and more gentle suggestions, the blogger is keen to convey that being gentlemanly is no longer an exact science.

Grooming

"A gentleman is always well groomed, but not over-preened. He looks after his skin and creates a daily regime that revitalises him in a matter of minutes. A clean-shaven look or a well-maintained beard are both respectable options nowadays. He just ensures that whichever look he goes for it's tailored to his measures. He has two classic scents that suit his personality and invests in them regularly - preferably a woody scent for winter and a light, fresh fragrance for summer."

Tailoring

"For a gentleman dressing is about expressing personality and transmitting integrity, inspiration and trust to people around him. Less is a style statement in itself, and quality allows his style to last longer. He knows what suits him according to his body therefore he is comfortable in his own style and he wears it with confidence and finesse - something nobody can take away from him."

Eating and Drinking

"Whether it's Michelin-starred restaurants or street food, a gentleman enjoys and appreciates the experience of unique flavours, sights and scents. But don't forget - he always makes the reservations! As for drinking, quality is often more important than quantity. He is confident in shaking an amaretto sour or a classic negroni."

Socialising

"There comes a time in every man's life when he realises university isn't the end of his education and in order to be a modern gentleman he'll have to start listening more and talking less. Learning from and socialising with those around him, with his iPhone aside, making eye contact and engaging in conversation means the modern gentleman is approachable. His flaws are what set him apart and make him relatable to others, memorable."

Attitude towards women

"Being a gentleman isn't a personality play. It's a lifestyle. A modern gent treats everyone equally and never intentionally hurts anyone's feelings. He holds the door open, keeps his promises and respects both those he cares about and those he wants to care about."

Doing business

"A modern gentleman is consistent in business and prepared to make sacrifices. He evaluates the risks and reflects on the rewards.

He doesn't lie or mislead, and is instead comfortable with his own set of skills. He understands that, without the help of others, he will never succeed."