The art of love

"If it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts."
-Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

There is a saying about something that could sink ships. I cannot recollect it; but the eternal folly of man has been to chase after sweet flesh that is like a sinking ship, without realizing that it is simply a pretty cover for the bones. Thus begins the art of love. In the past, to keep their women close, man would give her a ring and get her to bear children. It does not work that way anymore. In today's environment of economic and sexual freedom, lot of women would rather prefer to stay single because they are tired of giving their-everything to end up with nothing from a man who knows not the difference between sex, lust, and love.

Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex; though, it is necessary to mention that the difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it. Sri Lankan women: young and sophisticated, or the village belles, or even the femme fatales, full of zeal and excitement radiating, are some of the most famous and iconic cheer giving groups of females on this planet. They give cheer to the game of life, as to life's games.

Be it at a rugby match, a cricket match, or any other sporting activity; they are there, like dynamite, braving the elements, letting their hair down, and helping to pump up the crowd - young and old alike - and get the old juices flowing for not only Team Sri Lanka, but also for those who are there as spectators.

Womanhood

These lovely specimens of Sri Lankan womanhood, goes the extra distance to add an atmosphere of fun and frolic to such events. These lovely Ladies, work hard not only to pump up the old juices; but they make sure their revealing outfits just about reveals right, and help add great interest to us and the event. There is always something cool about non-famous women letting it all hang out at such events; but, when it comes to the art of love, how do they fare?

We are typically excited by things that are, incomplete, unsettled, unexplained, or uncertain, as we perceive them to be unusual; and so, they demand our attention and thoughts. Courtship, flirting, extramarital affairs, and cyber-love are exciting because they seem in a sense to be unfinished business. According to Romantic Ideology; love is, frequently described as involving sacrifices and resisting compromises.

In reality, the situation is typically the opposite - relationships require fewer sacrifices and more compromises to keep the trend of growth in a relationship on a steady upward trajectory. In relationships, we learn how to love each other but in Love, we learn how to stay with each other forever. Love may be a commonly thrown around four-letter word; nevertheless, love is also, equated with sacrifice. Intense love has no qualms about making considerable sacrifices. To sacrifice is to give up something precious to gain or maintain something, such as a valuable relationship or some other worthy cause. Thus, it is necessary to stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. Relationships must be, chosen wisely.

Alone

It is better to be alone than to be in bad company. There is no need to rush. If something is meant to be; it will happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely. A relationship would not last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. So is love. Most often than not we waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. For many a man who is on the lookout for the ideal woman, or conversely, the ideal women or man does exist; but he or she is always married to another. Thus, the search continues until the question arises: what is love? For sure, there are a few things love is not. Love is not a feeling, although real love often is, accompanied by strong feelings. Love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds.

The art of love demands that, to love, one must begin by knowing the personality and character of the other. Knowing about the person's personality and character are important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that person. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short; either we do not know a lot about them, or we know a lot but are not attracted to his or her personality.

Relationship

Another important factor in a relationship is a common life goal. If the relationship is going to be long term, we need to be going in the same general direction as the other person. If his dream is to travel as an international Businessman, and she wants to be a realtor in a single location, conflict could arise. If she wants to live in the countryside with nature and he likes the hustle and bustle of a big city, there are potentially serious problems with the direction of the couple's lives. Love for sure is not that heart-pounding adrenaline rush: That would be more appropriate for sex.

In these days and times of free will, everything in the world - in almost all fields - is about sex except sex. We little realize that in the final analysis, sex is about power and nothing more.

Hence, we revert to the question: what is love? Love for sure is not sex. That is what the entertainment industry feeds us. Whenever two people hook up in pop culture, they have sex. Without showing some of the unpleasant realities of premarital and extramarital sex, it is drawn up to be a wonderful, fun recreational activity. In truth, sex is for marriage - a long-lasting commitment between couples. Outside of marriage, sex can have harsh consequences. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, guilt, insecurity, and shame can follow. Whereas, love is a choice, and a commitment; a relationship based on lust can only last as long as the two are physically close and find each other sexually attractive.

Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of love; a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be, based on lust and infatuation. Lust and infatuation may see the other person as perfect; but it will want to get own needs met. As a result, other relationships and friendships deteriorate. Love, on the other hand, will make you see the other person's flaws; nevertheless, you will continue loving.

Selfless

It will make you want to serve the other person; thereby making you selfless. It will permit you to spend time with others; and yet, will enable you to build your relationship with the one you love.

It will also permit other relationships and friendships to grow stronger. Trust and understanding is, built between the two and results in less severe and less frequent jealousy. Thus, it will encompass and encourage a long-term commitment.

It survives and is strengthened by, distance. Quarrels are less serious and less often. It makes you relax; builds trust and psychological stability. Infatuation and lust can be so tempting; but the question is, do you want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation is not the answer. Infatuation is not a bad thing, as long as we do not base a relationship on it. Love, on the other hand, is beautiful; but a beautiful thing is never perfect.

For views, reviews, encomiums, and brickbats: [email protected]