Be charismatic, be more likeable

by Lionel Wijesiri

Everybody wants to be liked. We're social creatures, so it's only natural that we would want to be as positively connected to others as possible. That doesn't mean we're all out to win every popularity contest, but if you had to choose between being well-liked and disliked (with all other things being equal), nearly all of us would choose the former without hesitation.

Unfortunately, the rigors of the professional world and the natural dissension between different personality types makes it difficult to be well-liked by everybody all the time. Still, there are a handful of easy strategies you can use to make yourself just a little more liked.

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural traits that belong only to a lucky few - the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. In reality, being likable is under your control.

To a large measure, your likeability will lead to success or failure. Other than not being a 'jerk' what can you do to increase your own likeability? Is it really possible to change? Or, do you believe your likeability has been set by some cosmic forces, and if people don't like you as you are, there is nothing you could do.

How?

Talent Smart -world's premier provider of emotional intelligence - collected research data from more than a million people which shows that people who possess certain skills aren't just highly likeable, they outperform those who don't by a large margin.

Leave a Strong First Impression

Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this you can take advantage of it to make huge gains in your likeability. First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Strong posture, smiling, and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is a good one.

Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who is speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It's true that how you say something can be more important than what you say

Be optimistic: There is an old saying, "The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity and the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." Optimists frequently ask other people for help. They respond to disappointments, like being turned down for a job, by formulating aplan of action. Pessimists react to such difficulties by assuming there is nothing they can do to change their circumstances. Instead of being self-pitying, likable people lend a hand, mind their own business and laugh easily, especially at themselves.

Make others comfortable: You can do few things

(a) Sincerely praise others. Don't use flattery, but genuinely give credit where it is due. People enjoy being around others who can recognize and are not threatened by other people's abilities or talents.

(b) Minimize others' mistakes. Try to avoid habitually correcting other people, unless their mistake will end up making things worse for them or someone else. Also, downplay it if others point it out.

(c) Be confident. Confidence is important. Try sticking to your principles and don't say the opposite a few moments later. That just makes you look like you are desperately trying to find something smart to say. If you are comfortable with who you are and confident about yourself, walking up to people and striking up a conversation should be no problem.

(d) Plan ahead. Think about what you are going to say before saying it. Consider what people's reactions will probably be, and decide if what you are about to say is worth being said. Not saying everything that pops into your mind doesn't make you cowardly or meek, it makes you prudent.

(e) Be bold. Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself! Being open and bold is an important tool for making people relax. When you can draw attention to yourself, it puts others at ease and will make it easier for you to approach them.

(f) Carefully examine conversation topics. Remember the types of things the people who you are around like, then you can talk about things you all like, and everyone will be laughing with you and smiling soon! Finding common ground with others is an important skill that should not be overlooked.

(g) Develop a sense of humour. Being able to joke around with others puts the people around you at ease. If you find that humour is one of your stronger characteristics, use it to approach new people.

(h) Be yourself and act natural. No one likes a fake, so just be yourself. People will admire that you aren't afraid of what others think. Don't be different on purpose though; this will just make you seem weird.

(i) Avoid criticising others. Avoid insulting other people. Don't say anything hurtful. Be really careful with this. The longer you've known a person, the more you can mess around with him or her.

(j) Avoid being combative. Everyone likes people who are smart, but everyone hates a know-it-all. Don't jump down other peoples' throats for what you feel are wrong or misplaced comments. No one likes to be judged and you won't be impressing anyone by constantly arguing to prove that you know better.

If you cultivate at least the above 3 attributes, you might be able to join the ranks of those who spend their weekends with friends, their evenings joyfully with their family members, and their days surrounded by co-workers and friends that love and respect them.