Tongue in Cheek:
Revised Pinterest FAQs
is Pinterest? Pinterest is a million-page woman's magazine written by
everyone you've ever met and edited by no one. Want inspiration for an
upcoming party? Want ideas for what to make for dinner tonight? Want to
take on dozens of nifty projects that you have neither the resources nor
the time or talent to accomplish? Want to worry that you don't throw or
attend enough parties? Want to feel that everything you've ever made for
dinner was bullshit? Want to cultivate the creeping suspicion that
everyone else has a beautiful, clean home full of repurposed mason jars
and yours is the only home where all surfaces are covered in cat hair?
Pinterest is the place.
What is a pin? A pin is a picture taken out of context with a short
description that belittles your life choices. For example: a picture of
an eight-layer cake with the description, "I got rid of my TV and now
look what I do!"
What is a board? A board is an assortment of images that collude to
make you feel that yes, yes, YES, YOU ARE NOT YET ENGAGED BUT "RUSTIC
COUNTRY" IS YOUR WEDDING THEME.
What is following? Following is like spying, only instead of spying
on a person you're spying on ideas for a mustache-themed infant's
birthday party. It's akin to stalking, only legal and more shameful.
What if I don't want images from my site to be pinned? You can
prevent your images from being pinned by adding the following HTML code
to your site:
But, honestly, it's too late for that. If you have any kind of a web
presence, then odds are quite good that a picture of your child
attempting a headstand has already been Pinned with the description, "12
yoga poses guaranteed to give your toddler great poops!"
Who can see my secret boards? Ghosts.
Why am I blocked from commenting or performing other actions on
Pinterest? Because you are in no way adding to the discourse of
Pinterest. The comment "Wut!? Best nail art ever! OMG SPARKLES LOL!"
does not add to the existing discussion of innovative at-home manicures.
We only allow cogent cultural critique on Pinterest.
Kidding! You're blocked because you're commenting on every single
"Cats + Yarn!" pin your co-worker posts and it's weirding her out. Only
comment on every third pin from now on, and you should be fine.
Help! I can't log in to my Pinterest account! Oh no! You won't be
able to waste half of your work day looking at contextless images! We
suggest 1) taking a walk; 2) calling an old friend; and if that doesn't
work; 3) finding something interesting to do with a mason jar on your
own. Like, turn it upside down and spray-paint it brown. Now it's a tiny
table. You're welcome.
How does Pinterest make money? There's a secret black market that
trades in unachieved goals.
Join Pinterest and make other people jealous of your carefully
curated lie of a life today!