Are you dating a Perceiver?

by Jayne Thompson

wereblog.com

Perceivers are the laid-back, adaptable all-rounders of the personality type world. They don't stress when things go wrong and have an easy time adjusting to change. Members of this free-wheeling type are typically more tolerant of people's differences than their Judging cousins, and often find themselves drawn to relationships with people from all corners of the personality spectrum.

If the person you're dating demonstrates the following modes of behaviour, chances are you've got a Perceiver on your hands.

• They are always changing plans

If there's one thing you need to understand about Perceivers, it's that they like to play things by ear. They feel pressured if you try to force structure upon them or fail to leave room for inspiration. Changing the plan comes naturally to Perceivers, so don't be surprised if your other half calls you up half an hour before your romantic dinner date and suggests that you go to a raucous party instead.

• They stress like mad when you ask them to pick the restaurant

Waiting until the last minute to make a decision is commonplace for Perceivers as they need plenty of time to weigh the options before they make a decision. Judges know that they will never get a table at the coveted restaurant unless they book early, but to a Perceiver, there might always be that last little bit of information that throws up a new, more exciting opportunity. At some point, they'll get energised to make a decision. Until then, it's probably best to back off.

• They don't show up on time

In the Perceiver's world, being punctual has a leeway of several minutes. Expect plenty of 'ish' when it comes to planning your dates; 6-ish could be 6.30 p.m. or even 7.00 p.m. and that's just fine with them.

• They make the worst shopping partners

Perceivers take ages to make a buying decision and still worry whether it was the right one. A shopping trip will probably go on for hours with lots of hand wringing when they see something better or less expensive than the item they (eventually) purchased.

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You know you're in a relationship with a Perceiver when, weeks after the shopping trip you hear them say, "Oh no, it's Rs 100 cheaper here. I knew I should have waited!"

• They make any activity last twice as long as it should

Perceivers can make a half-mile walk last an hour. They can set out to pick a few items of clothing off the floor and before you know it, they've reorganised their entire closet into a state-of-the-art, colour-coordinated clothing filing system.

"Just a few minutes" has a habit of turning into several hours with a Perceiver, because somehow their projects take on a life of their own. And all the while you're sitting downstairs wondering if there's a super-late showing of the movie you were supposed to see.

• Their favourite word is maybe

Did you enjoy the movie?

Judger: Yes.

Perceiver: Maybe. I'm not sure. What did you think of it?

• They put off doing chores

Judgers like to work before they play. They finish term papers way before the due date, clean the kitchen as they cook, and put things back where they belong. Perceivers play first, work later. They start studying for tests at the last minute. They leave cups, jackets and soda cans strewn all over the house and never do the washing up until the end of the meal (or later if possible).

This is because, to a Perceiver, almost everything is more important than chores. But don't mistake their messiness for lack of focus. Even if their home or work space looks chaotic, the Perceiver knows exactly where everything is.

• They won't answer your calls right away

Some Perceivers are not great at getting back to people promptly, if at all. NPs in particular seem to have a hard time with returning calls, emails and text messages. In fact, they forget stuff so frequently that you will quickly build up a storybook of humorous anecdotes about the time your significant other forgot their luggage on a road trip, or the cooler on a picnic.

Your Perceiver isn't being inconsiderate though; it's just that they get sucked so deeply into the creativity vortex, there's no room left for the everyday details.

• You have a lot of fun

Judges can get stubborn and myopic in their views. There's a chance that they will suck all the fun out of a date if they leave no room for spontaneity.

Dating a Perceiver means you have to go with the flow, even if it's just a spur of the moment detour along the scenic route. Chances are, you'll come to look forward to the unexpected and have some spectacular, fun-packed experiences along the way.

(Jayne spent sixteen years working, which she calls slaving, as a lawyer before quitting the rat race to become a freelance writer. Now she tells stories for clients in all sorts of industries with a focus on small business development, finance and HR. This article was originally written for Truity)