Tis never too late to change

by Lionel Wijesiri

Dilini’s dream had always been to complete her education. After sitting the GCE (A-level) examination she had to drop out of school to care for her ailing mother.

Marriage at 20, and the birth of three children pushed her dream even further away.

Then, at the age of 34, Dilini registered at the Open University to follow a course on Diploma in Information Systems and Technology. She successfully completed the Diploma and on becoming a trainee in an IT industry, was able to acquire a Bachelor’s Degree in Software Engineering, after four years, while being employed.

When I met Dilini recently at her 42nd Birthday, she was a mid-level manager in a reputed IT company. “Going back to education has given me confidence,” says Dilini. “It was a nice second chance.”

Indika, 30, was a well paid senior manager working in a multi-national trade firm. But his hours were long and he hardly saw his family. Gradually, Indika began yearning for the simple country life, where he grew up. One day, as he sat in the Colombo city rush-hour traffic, he decided to quit his job and return to small-town living. Today, as the owner of a medium-sized consultancy company, he earns a fraction of what he would have made as a corporate executive, but it’s something he accepted. “There are things more important than money,” says Indika. “Now, my family is happier, much more than in the past.”

Second chance

At some point in our lives, nearly all of us yearn for a second chance to do that one thing we always dreamed about, but never got around to trying. Yet, most of us won’t take the leap of faith that separates dreaming from doing. In spite of what our mentors would say, the important question to ask ourselves is, not, will I fail, but what do I stand to achieve?

It’s easy to avoid failure. Ask any reputed singer whether he has ever choked while singing a solo. That’s because he is confident. Only people who try something run the risk of failure.

Pointers

So, how can we train ourselves to seek and make use of the second chances in life? Here are four pointers, from experts and people who took a second chance,:

1. Take your dreams seriously. Devendra, one of my school mates spent his childhood drawing cartoons and hoping to become a professional cartoonist. But, when he grew up, he took a staff job at an NGO and his cartooning became only a hobby.

However, one of our school teachers took Devendra’s drawing more seriously, and lent him the air fare to Australia, after talking with the editors of a couple of magazines. One editor bought several of his ideas and recruited him as a freelance artist/cartoonist.

While working for the magazine, Devendra enrolled at an Art College to develop his technique. Today, his cartoons appear in many publications in Australia.

2. Never say it’s too late. Ranga waited 30 years for his second chance. At 19, he enrolled in a vocational college where his favourite course was salesmanship. But, those were difficult years in his life, and after graduating, Ranga took the first job he could get, processing orders for a food company.

Several times over the years, Ranga thought about moving into sales, but never did. Finally, at 52, he acted on his dream: Ranga decided on early retirement and became an insurance agent. “I should have gotten into sales earlier,” he says. “But at least I didn’t wait forever.” Today, 10 years later, he is a territory manager for a private insurance company and is doing really well.

Today, stereotypes are breaking down. Thirty years ago, people were expected to do certain things at certain stages of their lives. Today, life cycles are much more fluid and we’re more open to change at any age.

3. Recognize the trade-off. My A-level teacher once told me, if I work hard enough, I can have anything I wanted. But, she cautioned: “You just can’t have everything, all at once.” What’s important, therefore, is recognizing that in any second chance, there will be trade-offs and more often than not, we will have to make sacrifices.

If you want my advice, I would suggest you write down both your short-term and long-term consequences of any second chance you contemplate. Decide which are positive and which are negative, and weigh the differences. It will help you make the right choice and avoid failure.

4. Be willing to change. Twenty-three years ago, Mahesh was a 28-year-old out-of-work alcoholic who had gone through 10 jobs after graduation. Then, he found himself in an alcohol-recovery Unit.

“I was giving everyone there a hard time, especially, one old man,” he said. Finally, another patient told Mahesh to leave the old man alone. “You’re the first person I ever met who acts so dumb to understand that nobody likes that old man.”

“That remark got to my bones; it suddenly dawned on me,” Mahesh continued, “that I was the one in charge of myself, and that I had the power to change.”

“Then and there, 1 resolved to stop drinking and to make something of myself.” he added.

Mahesh entered an alcoholism recovery program. Next, he found a sales job and proved he could stay sober and work hard. When I met him six months ago, he was sales manager in a distributing company. He also had the wife and family he once thought were not attainable, all because he realized he could change and a second chance was possible.

We all know chronic complainers who bemoan their jobs or marriage, or life in general. But I’ve never known such people to do anything constructive to change what makes them unhappy. Getting a second chance means believing that change is within your grasp, and that you can benefit from it.