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| Sunday, 4 August 2002 |
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Even though I thought my world was big enough and I knew a great deal at that time, now I know that was not much more. Those days were not more than 100 meters long. My world was just like a computer wihout Internet. Actually very limited programs were there. Falling in love was like getting Internet connection for a computer for me. Let me tell you how I met him (My loved one) one day. He was from a far away city. Somewhere you have to travel for a long time. I met him suddenly somewhere in that city. (I'm not sure exactly where!). Looking extremely handsome with broad shoulders, pointed nose, sharp eyes and kissing spring lips he was standing out there. May be it was that particular fact of being handsome which attracted me that much to him. First of all he looked at me through his sharp eyes, which made me tremble in shyness; Then suddenly, like sunshine after a long rainy season, he smiled looking down at me because he was tall enough to match 'Hercules'. That was the very first memories of my love. Believed I never believed in love at first sight until that moment which I never expected me to face. I forgot the reason why I was there or whom I was. My eyes were locked on him. "It's rather rainy, isn't it?" his voice was like something coming out of a violin. Suddenly I wanted to know the wonders he can do. I opened my mouth to answer. For Christ sake my voice was gone. After few long seconds I found my voice and could talk to him; "Yes" I never thought my answers could be that short and sweet. "How wonderful! I thought you would never answer me" I tried to be cool and flexible. Due to that, I smiled. He laughed as a sunflower wakening up in the morning dew. I couldn't help looking at him. I was getting that feeling everyone's talking of, 'The feeling of butterflies dancing in your tummy'. I wanted to laugh, cry and scream at once. But hopefully I controlled my stupid self. That was the first day I wanted to be loved and cared. But for some reason I couldn't even move. Option "Where are you going? Or are you waiting for someone? He gave me two options. The only thing for me was selection. (He used this "giving option" style every time after we fell in love) I pretended to think! "I'm waiting for my papa. He'll be here any minute" "So you are.........I'm sorry I can't remember your name. What is your name?" I was so much worried of not remembering to tell him my name. But, I was a little bit sure that he didn't asked my name before. And a sudden feeling of being fooled shot out from my inner. I think I felt angry for that. "I don't think you ever asked my name". "Oh! You're wiser than I thought". I felt proud about myself for not answering at once. He looked at me as if he wanted to take me in his strong big arms. "I'm Vernan, Vernan Dobley. And you're Miss?" He was holding his arm, which had so much hair on it. I couldn't resist is sweetness. I put my hand out to make the bond. "I'm Sisia," I felt the warmth of the big hand. While shaking hands he kept a nonchalant look of his eyes on me. I was about to say something about something; My papa came! Card I had to run to my car, for my father was waiting for me. I thought he had a sad look in his eyes; in that thought I waited for a moment. He was holding a card sort of thing in his arm. Without a single word he gave it to me. I took it, turn my back to him and ran towards my car. I looked at where he stood from the window. But for some reason he had moved out. And we, me and my papa also moved out. The card said everything to me, which I wanted to know. His profession, residence, work-place and as well his phone number. I didn't want to think twice. The very next moment I was standing at the phone, which was in my living room. "Hello! Can I speak to Mr. Vernan please?" I added 'please' to please the person who was listening at the end of the wire. I waited for sometime. And I felt like ages for those few seconds. At last he was at the end of the wire saying hello to me. "Hello" I waited to make sure that it was him. But no sound came out of the other end. I wasn't very sure how to address myself for him. What if he couldn't remember my name. That will be my death! "Hello! is that Mr. Vernan?" I was so surprised at my own boldness. "Is that the little girl I met hours ago? Mi Sisia?" 'oh God' I felt like Grahame Bell when he found the telephone. He COULD remember my name. I was actually dancing with joy. "Yes", afterwards he told me that he used to wonder why I was giving such short answers for his long questions. "So how are you? Will you be bored if I ask you all those traditional questions like what you're doing? How old are you? And this and that, you know?" He was fast and sharp when he was talking. I think my great silence allowed him to ask all those 'traditional' questions. Once the questioning was over we had nothing to talk about (Actually that's what I thought). But without any guidance he went on telling me about himself. I was getting very fond of talking to him. After we hang up I found myself singing one of those love songs I mentioned before. I was happy and gay. Lost Time moved very fast. Life was getting so fine with Vernan. We were almost lost in love with each other, or nearly so. I found myself lying in my wide bed thinking of him. In dark nights I had beautiful dreams about him and me. As well I wrote heaps of love poems for him. The very first time of my 16 years old life I was in love. But one thing was missing so much. I couldn't meet him after the first day. Even though our love was one whole month old I didn't get a chance to meet him. The only communication between us was the telephone. Actually I was experiencing the blindness of the first love. There were times that I was wondering how can this love be true without even seeing each other. Because, I knew a couple who could not live without seeing each other. And most of all I was terrified to talk openly about my love with anyone. After all he came to see me when our love was three months old. I could
remember myself in a white and blonde dress waiting at the railway station
for him to arrive. At last he was there standing as 'Conan' who used to be
my hero those days. I, the girl who was wearing the white and blonde dress
was standing with a bouquet of fragrant flowers, which was a special
welcome for him. He took the flowers with a wide smile and the charming
look of his face made me love him a little bit more. And hand in hand we came out of the Railway station. How happy I was. Some how we were alone far away from the crowded common place after few minutes. We were sitting on a rock facing the big blue ocean thinking and talking about nothing. When it was time for him to leave, I had to say good-bye, which was the saddest thing that happened to me at that time. I think I even had tears in my eyes. He looked at me for sometimes and I saw his face moving so close to me. There was no time to think or figure out what was exactly happening. He kissed me politely on my lips making me forget the whole world including myself and it took such a long time and as I opened my eyes which was closed all the time taken by the kiss, it was darker and the reddish burning sun was about to go beyond the sea line. Gone He said good-bye several times in between the tiny kisses, which were planted on my lips. After few seconds I was standing in the casual station place looking as if I lost my heart. He was gone. The second meeting took more than 10 months after we first met. For that long period so many things happened. I was as always madly in love. But a third one was slowly tiptoeing between us. And I wasn't ready to accept the reality as I now see. For that reason we almost broke up. Somehow he proceeded to kick my steady fastness away when I refused to give him another chance. And we fell in love again as his chance was given. "I love You" - He used the expression quite often. But that time I didn't know for what reason he used it like that. And now I know that it's not mentioned quite often if you really mean it. He was in Love with another woman; 'Surek' I last met him after another two months of our second meeting. But it wasn't as sweet as before. Because it was my confrontation with reality. I met the betrayer who was living like my love for such a long time. He was actually gambling with my heart. I was rather surprised at my discrepancy of the affair. And was angry about my gullibility. I was believing everything he said. I knew he was devious and sordid. And most of all I was totally out of my mind of losing the only one I never loved. I learned how to cry, for I, never used to cry before. Now it's almost five years past. Time had done some good and as well as bad changes in my short life, too. World has changed. And the love story of mine is somethings very casual for everyone. Still, something haven't change! Like, the sunshine every morning, the softness of the breeze and the music of the birds. And there's another thing, which hasn't change even a bit. And it will never change either. Even though the sunshine faded, the breeze melted and the birds die! It's sacred and will last long than anything you would ever think of. It's the same thing. THE LOVE that I had for my LOVE! |
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I
met him sometime ago, when I was so naive and nascent because I was young.
Though I knew how world was created and how babies come out, I had no idea
of falling in love or about love! But, frankly I knew a lot of love songs,
every song had the same meaning.
