|
|
 |
 |
| Sunday, 6 October 2002 |
 |
|
 |
Magazine |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
|
It will probably happen to you at least once in your life. You'll fall for somebody that your parents don't like. Sometimes their disapproval will be valid, other times it will be irrational, but no matter what it will be hard for YOU To deal with! What do you do when Cupid pairs you with someone that your parents can't stand? The idea of star crossed lovers has been romanticised with movie portrayals like those of Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Daines in "Romeo & Juliette" and Jet Li and Alliyah in "Romeo Must Die", but the reality of these relationships is that they are difficult and draining. Before taking on the role of diplomat, or even worse the role of family agitator, there are a couple of things you need to examine. Namely, your motivations and the reasons for your parents' objections. Examining Your Motivations: Ask yourself, "Why am I dating this person?". Be brutally honest. Are you crazy in love or loving driving your parents crazy? If you are motivated by rebellion the simplest and "right" thing to do is end the relationship, after all it isn't fair of you to use somebody else to get to your parents. With the relationship out of the way you will be able to focus on the real issue of why you feel the need to resort to such drastic rebellion in the first place. Do you have real and deep feelings for this person, or do you have less heart felt reasons for the relationship? Are you dating this person because of pressure from friends or in the name of popularity? If your feelings are about your reputation rather than your heart, you are being unfair to your "steady" and your parents. Take a step back and ask yourself, "Is it worth upsetting my family and using a person who probably really cares for me?". Chances are good the answer will be, "No" and your problem will solve itself. Are you attracted to this person's image or background and not the real person behind it all? Is this a case of curiosity rather than adoration? If you are with this person to see how "others live" you are in it for the wrong reasons and are hurting people who care for you. Although there is nothing wrong with dating outside of your race, religion or socio-economic background (more below) there is lots wrong with dating somebody because of these differences. This is a clear case of "picking your battles carefully", is this relationship really worth the conflicts? Are you using this person to get over someone else? Are you trying to make an "ex" jealous by dating somebody who is not your "usual type"? Are you trying to prove a point to your friends by dating somebody they would never expect you to be with? Are you in fact rebelling against your peers and not your parents? If this is the case, you are headed for a disaster. End the relationship before it turns sour and you are filled with regrets. Sometimes we really DO fall for somebody who is "different" or who is "not our normal type". If you get through all the above scenarios and can dismiss each and every one as, "Not applicable to me because I REALLY am in love!" then the next step is for you to look at why your parents have such strong disapproval of the relationship. By examining their reasons for disapproving you will be better able to reason with them and stand up for your love. LOVE MAY BE BLIND... BUT PARENTS AREN'T! |
|
News | Business | Features
| Editorial | Security
| Produced by Lake House |
How
to deal when your parents don't like the person you love...
