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| Sunday, 27 October 2002 |
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Take 5 with Sita de Saram : My brush with death Now I think about it I am convinced I must be lucky. If my reflexes had been a split second slower, I wouldn't be here at all. I would be decorating my neighbour's wall squashed like a cockroach. There I am, standing innocently at the top of the lane as I always do, waiting to be picked up... may be that's not such a good way to put it. Let's say, waiting for friends. Having nothing else to do but shift from one foot to another, I idly watch the passersby. I see a car parked on the opposite side of the road and watch two, whom I think are normal people climbing in. The man starts the engine, revs it a bit and slowly begins to edge it onto the road. But before he straightens out the incredible happens - he comes straight at me at 90 miles an hour, crossing the six feet between in a matter of seconds. Can you imagine anything more horrible? I am transfixed... but before the car reaches me I jump, breaking all-Olympic records for 'Sideways Jumping' if there was such a thing. My shoe gets caught under the front tyre but fortunately my foot is not in it (thank God for slip-ons!). The front fender brushes my skirt as I fall ignominiously into the pool of mud, my bag flying out of my hand. Good heavens, is this a contract killer? Is someone out to get me? The car, meanwhile, having missed its victim ploughs straight into the wall exactly where I had been standing, and smashes its headlights. After checking gingerly for bruises and broken bones, having got away with just a nasty sprained wrist and sore hip, I get myself to my feet. The idiot driver and his companion have now got out of the car and are examining it intently with no thought for me as any sane human being would have done. I ask him, "What the hell kind of driving is that? My shoe is still under your car if you'd like to know". A hasty glance in my direction "Sorry, I lost control" and his attention goes back to his partner who is now wailing that she had only that morning registered her car etc. etc. Mind you, not a word of apology or a commiserating word like "Are you OK?" All they cared about was the damage to their car. I have met many morons in my life, so this was no surprise, but I was determined to get to the bottom of the matter. "Hey, you might have killed me if I hadn't jumped. Is this driver drunk or a maniac or both? I think I have injured my arm and messed up my clothes. I'm going to sue you... Where is my lawyer...?" All that big talk is only in my mind as I walk back to change and lick my wounds. May be I should take this a sign and stay put indoors for the rest of my life. But now I get to thinking. Why DIDN'T the accident happen? It wasn't my time to go, as one know-all said. But that isn't a good enough explanation. Was it only because my reflexes were good or did some Greater Force pull me back? May be it has nothing to do with me or my reflexes, which brings me to the larger question - Is my life in my hands or is it predetermined by some other force like Karma or God or the light-reader in Kotte? Meaning, whatever happens was meant to happen and if it's not what I wanted to happen, that's tough. So then, I have no choices. There's no such thing as Free Will. But then again, it's natural I would want to feel I am in control of my actions or some of them at least. For instance, I came and sat at this desk to write because I wanted to... but no, what is this demon on my left shoulder saying that it was all part of the Plan already fixed to the smallest detail by the Powers-That-Be? If I think about this anymore, I'll go insane. I think I'll get into bed and stay there. But the truth is I want some answers and if there is anyone out there with any, I'll be happy to meet him/her. |
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