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| Sunday, 16 March 2003 |
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By Bird 'Aaaargh". "Aaaargh". "AAAARGH". Know what that is? It's me, Bird having my teeth cleaned up, or rather, shall I say, scrubbed raw, until they bleed, by the ...the...Tooth Monster. Clothed all in implacable white, including white rubber gloves, a cap (which looks a lot like the ones you wear during a shower) and a kind of mask across the face (probably in fear of showing the state of its set of teeth), an hour with the Tooth Monster is horrible. Hating to go, but always nagged about it by dear old Mum (The Principal) she packs me and Boo Boo for our once in six month trip to the Tooth Monster, to inspect, check and investigate the state of our teeth. Turning up at The Place at a quarter to six, to my dismay about six people were queued up already. Or rather two adults and four little brats. The sun having set, it soon grew dark and there in the darkness, I was faced with a calamity. My body was literally being eaten alive by a bunch of invisible, parasitic predators. Those blood sucking, tiny, bitey, stingy insects called mosquitoes. The worst part was that they were all somehow or other attracted to me and me alone. My arms, hands, fingers, legs, ankles, feet, toes, neck and face were soon infested with hundreds of those blood feasting creatures. After waiting for about 2 hours (the whole brood went in and out, one after the other) our turn came. Into the Room of Doom we went, Boo Boo and I, about to face our greatest fear-The Tooth Monster. On entering the room, The Chair, lies, seemingly placid in the centre of it. Enormous, electrifying, terrifying instruments hang from the ceiling, above its head, plunging, head bent down, as if to devour whatever prey which happened to stray onto its parlour-The Chair. Boo Boo steps in heroically first. He lies down. The Chair grips him firmly onto it. The instruments flicker with a dazzling light( or rather glare), exposing its prey to the hands of the Tooth Monster. The Tooth Monster walks towards the prey(Boo Boo) and opens his mouth. Boo Boo's toes cringe. Eyes bulge out. I look no more. After half an hour of agonizing wait, my fear heightened by the excruciating looks of pain, clearly visible whenever I look up and see a glimpse of Boo Boo's face, my round comes up. "I can't do this. I can't" I say to Boo Boo with a look. "You've got to do it.You have to. Or the Principal will hear" silences Boo with a glare. Sigh. Into the chair I go. In The Chair I lie. The huge machinery looms down hungrily at me. Its dazzling lights, glare angrily onto my face. Help. The Tooth Monster comes to my view at the corner of my eye. Strap. Strap. The Rubber Gloves make their way onto his hands, clinging onto them. Even through the mask, the face seems to stretch into a huge grin as he bends forward, as if to eat me. "Right Open your mouth" he says. "MmmmHmmm" I shake my head furiously, pressing my lips tightly together, clamming my mouth shut. "Open up" he says again. "MmmmHmmm". "MmmmHmmm". "BIRD" shouts Boo from a corner. Damn. Rather unwillingly I let my mouth be open. In a trice the Tooth Monster's hand barges in, together with an instrument, which looks like a Tooth Mirror. "Aaargh" he jams the thing inside my gums, inspecting each and every part, of each and every tooth. Next he proceeds to make a few comments of his investigation. "Not very good. Look at the plaque forming around here. You might get a cavity. You have not brushed the side's of your teeth properly..." Well, it was a good thing the Principal was not there at the time. The inspection and declaration of the subject concluded, the cleaning up process begins. Going off for a second to get something the Tooth Monster returns with a thin stick like thing with a sharp pointed spear at its end, which is sent into my mouth. "Aaargh". "Aaargh". "AAAARGH". The spiky thing scrapes and scrubs the insides, outsides and sides of every tooth, while the mirror thing, is jabbed painfully in between my teeth and the insides of my cheeks and jaw. Cleansing my mouth with a glug of water now and then, only to spit it out with a trail of blood, the what I assumed to be the Plaque picking procedure over, the tooth drilling process begins. And Teeth Drilling it is. Bringing a small electric stick, (which looks like a small electric saw), the Tooth Monster jams it in my mouth, together with a plastic, see through tube carrying running water. The tube placed inside, wound around my teeth, the drilling begins. Rrrrrrgh. Rrrrrrgh. The thing sends shivers of shock to each nerve end of my teeth, as it scrapes and scrubs away. "Aaaargh". The mirror once more is jammed inside my mouth. I know I've been told often I've got a big mouth, but so many instruments forcing themselves inside it is quite a strain, not to mention pain. After many mumblings of "Is it over?" "Is it over?" the thing finally finishes, with the Tooth Monster, polishing my teeth with disinfectant applied on cotton wool. A final jamming of that annoying mirror inside my mouth, the last inspection is over, leaving my teeth feeling scrubbed, raw, smarting, slightly bleeding, a little tingling and sparkling clean.Cheese. |
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