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| Sunday, 12 September 2004 |
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Repentance The wind from the sea cannot blow out the burning flames from the hearts of the inmates of 'Santha Samaya', the Home for the Aged in the capital city of southern Sri Lanka. There are about fifty senior citizens who are physically and mentally weak and are in that home, run by Catholic nuns. Their weaknesses are due to old age and from being away from their loved ones. Some of them are bed ridden; some can move about with some support and some are still young and healthy. Most of them are parents whose children are abroad or whose children consider their aged parents a burden. Blessings It was Wednesday and the diary entry of the church reminded me that a priest should visit the elders for blessings and confessions. As the parish priest had gone to attend an urgent meeting at the Bishop's house, I set off. The Mother Superior introduced me to the elders and showed me around. They clapped and welcomed me as their newly ordained assistant priest. Meanwhile, I heard a cry of an old woman and I stopped to find out. An old woman, a septuagenarian sat on the bed and called out to me. "Father, please come to me." Feeling her need I changed my direction and approached her. She was just waving her hands but was not looking in my direction. She was blind. She felt my presence and stretched out her wrinkled hands to hold mine. "Father, I have something important to share with you personally. It's a kind of confession." Her voice full of feeling and emotion, made me aware that her urgency was to pour her heart out. Pity She gently kissed my hand and kept it on her head while saying, "Father, have pity on me. I know that someday I must die; death may come to me when I least expect it. It may even be as instantaneous as lighting. Father I am afraid of all my wrong doings. Somehow, I must bring the dark side of my life into the open. My cruel, wicked, unpleasant, stinking thoughts and actions in the past are gradually killing me. Do you believe that a sinner like me will be forgiven?" "Certainly yes. If Christ pardoned those so-called sinners or criminals like Mary Magdalene, the right hand thief and public sinners why not you? You will be forgiven to the extent of your repentance." "Father I was a teacher for thirty years and taught in two schools. I worked in a remote school when I was young and got transferred to a school within walking distance from my home. It was a small school. It was in a fishing village and the majority were Catholics. You may have heard of this village 'Thal Arana'." I quickly realised that she had been working at the school where I studied. I did not make it known to her. Teaching "I had been teaching there for 25 years never letting anybody transfer me anywhere else, as I was politically influential. The others including three principals, who were transferred within ten years according to the circulars, never challenged me. Now I am blind but I can 'see' very well what I couldn't 'see' then, with my eyes. It has paved the way to see the world, feel the suffering of others and see the dark side of my life. "No one dared to do anything without my permission. I could hire mothers of school children as domestics and pay them a meagre wage and give them a scanty meal. If the parish priest or the principal didn't heed my command, I tactfully instigated others to act against them never thinking they were mean acts. "Father, the arrival of a young English teacher gradually changed the whole 'conventional' system in school. I never knew his appointment would be a real challenge. As everyone at school, especially the principal and the staff were under my thumb. "I presumed he too would be at my beck and call. Later I realised that his presence and influence was a real challenge to me. Though he was young, he was an enterprising teacher. I still remember, how popular he was among the children and villagers." Wonders "He did wonders within a very short period. He improved the standard of English and streamlined the system of education at school. As for me, I sabotaged his development programmes. 'I led some of my 'followers' at school and in the village to believe that this English teacher was as ambitious as Caesar, working for his personal glory. ' I was able to pain a very ugly picture of him and poison their minds, thus attacking and destroying his image. Alas, for him everything went up in smoke." While listening to her very carefully, I voiced my opinion."When that teacher used his talents for the good of the others, you should have used your talent for the same purpose. Then only would the school develop and children benefit. Each person's talents could have been used correlatively. ." "Yes Father, I was blinded by professional jealousy. Now I know the gravity of my folly. I have sinned more than a prostitute, because vengeance, suspicion, jealousy and envy are some of my incurable diseases. 'Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned, - I felt scorned.' Now I feel that, that young man knew what he taught his students. Even more than that he knew the gentle art of putting it across to the youthful minds. Whereas some of my close friends wasted their time idling in the staff room or were on leave for days. Fearing reprisals, those who missed lessons taught at a stretch. They never bothered about the students' level of concentration. Father, I realise that if teachers do not exert themselves and train their children, that crime can never be forgiven. Annoyed " We were annoyed when teachers of our own children neglected their work, but never thought that parents of our students felt the same, when we didn't give priority to teaching. To this day, I am paying dearly for this crime. All the conspiracies failed and he outshone. The majority of the children loved him, Father. "I have three sons and they are abroad. They are only domestic helpers. They didn't study. They were school dropouts and entered Italy illegally. Now they have forgotten their mother. I do not blame them, because I think I am cursed by God. "No teacher, God never curses people. You reap what you sow". "Father, there is a bigger offence that I have committed. Even if our own children commit a crime we cover them up but expose our students' mistakes and criticise them in public. Another incident took place. "It was the last days of my teaching career. The principal allowed the children to organise class parties on the last days of the year but that foreign teacher was against that idea, saying the bigger boys would go beyond the limit. And as he predicted, some students had smuggled in alcohol. Two of the offenders sat the GCE (O/L) that year and had left but one of them who was in that teacher's class was also under the influence of alcohol. "The next morning, the father of that boy accompanied him and begged me not to expel his son from school. That man was dressed in an old crumpled sarong and shirt and came in all humility and knelt before me. So promising that the boy would not be punished, I got him to pluck some coconuts from my compound. "The next term, the principal at the General Assembly, stated that those three students had committed an offence against their Alma Mater and they must ask for forgiveness from 'Her'. Yet we forced the principal to call for a staff meeting the next day, when the foreign teacher was absent. We sent for the boy and verbally abused him before all the teachers." "Teacher why did you force the principal to take such drastic action?" I asked and realised that this question shook her. "The next day when that teacher came to know about our mean action he was wild with anger and had an argument with the principal. He was right. He argued and said "Sir you said in public these boys had committed an offence against their Alma Mater. What do you mean by Alma Mater? Do you call the teachers their Alma Mater? So why did you keep quiet when that boy was forced to kneel before the teachers? Did you recommend the same punishment to the other offenders as well? No. Punishment should be given to children with the intention of correcting them. Whatever children do at school during school hours teachers are also responsible. We can't pass the buck. As those puppets couldn't attack me they attacked my student. "The principal also might have realised that he was misled and had acted like a puppet but it was too late. Utterly disgusted about the weak administration, that teacher got himself transferred. But we didn't stop attacking and slinging much at him. So that even in the new school, he was 'disliked' even before he started teaching. "As a result of all the bickering, that boy also left the school and I don't know anything about him. Most of the students left school and were admitted to neighbouring schools. Ultimately that school went to the dogs." She ended her story in a tearful voice. She bowed her head. I saw tears falling on my shoe while I was blessing her. I noticed relief on her face. The mental agony she had suffered was all gone. She was forgiven. Before going to bed after the days work I made an entry in my personal diary. "If I was not ridiculed and brow beaten I would not have been admitted to another school by my parents. If the school where I re-started my education from grade eleven wasn't the school affiliated to the minor seminary I wouldn't have been a priest. If I didn't learn a lesson from that alcohol incident and changed my attitudes in life my superiors in the seminary wouldn't have selected me as a good aspirant to the seminary. "At last if not for her I wouldn't have laid the foundation to a priestly life. O God is this your wish? If so does everything happens for the good?" By Ajith Perera |
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