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| Sunday, 26 September 2004 |
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Weekend Meander 'He's at the gates!' 'He's at the gates! He is at the gates! 'Bottom rushed in, shouting the news in an ominous tone. 'Quince! Send in the security! Send in the security!' Bottom said. 'We can't have him spoil the Games.' 'Who is this 'he' you are ranting and raving about?' asked Quince quite coolly. The classical media manager, Quince, keeping his cool in the midst of potential fire!. 'Don't you know, Quincey? You ought to, being who you are,' Bottom rapped back. 'It Sri Lanka advisor to Queen Tit, the one who abducted her later and took Her Maj back to the Royal Rock in Sri Lanka. Off with his head! Off with his head!' That was Bot at his best. 'Do you know that you can be held for treason, Bottom?' Quince asked very seriously. 'Treason? What are you talking about, Quince? What treason? I really prefer treacle, you know!' and Bottom went off into a fit of giggles that looked as if it would be difficult to untangle hm from. 'Treacle! What are you talking about, Bottom? I said you could be held for treason,' Quince repeated. 'What...have...oh dear! How funny this all is...what have I done to deserve treacle....I mean, treason?' Bottom managed to ask in between gales of giggles. 'Dont you know that only King Oberon has the right to say 'Off with so and so's head?' 'Whose head are you talking about?' and Bottom went off into a fresh fit of giggles that had people turning to look at him. But that was nothing unusual. People were all the time staring at poor Bottom because of what he looked like, which was never the same twice over. 'Who's head? Quince asked. 'I dont know whose head you are talking about, but only the King can pronounce a sentence, 'Off with his head.' 'Quincey, whose head are you talking about?' 'Oh come off it, Botty. We are not talking about anyone in particular's head.' 'Anyone in particular's head? What kind of English is that, Quincey? Anyone in particular's head? Gadzooks! What are we coming to in the forest, Quincey?' 'English is a flexible language and anyone can do anything with it that he chooses,' was Quince's reply. 'Oh dear! How intellectual can we get? Do you know, Quince, that you can be held for treason for saying things about the English language?' asked Bottom in a brilliant turnaround of situations. 'But our Queen is a benign monarch and in any case it will be several centuries from now that she will pass sentence since she has not yet been born,' came Quince. 'But our Queen Oberon has the power to act on behalf of the King of England,did you know that,Quince? At least in this forest he can,' Bottom said triumphantly. Just then Puck came rushing in - Games torch in hand, furs and skins flying in the autumn breeze. 'Did you all hear the news?' 'What news, Pucky?' asked Bottom. 'The news that we have just beaten that rotten old Australia in the ICC Championships at Edgbaston.' 'They may be rottn but they are not old, Pucky,' Bottom said. 'They are rotten because they did all kinds of terrible things against England in the past and are not beyond doing the same things again.' 'Our Andy Flintoff gave them the run of their lives, he did!' 'Good for you, Pucky, that you heard the news first,' Bottom said. he and Puck, or Robin Goodfellow to use his real name, are good friends and go well together, Bottom with his unpredictable eccentricities and Puck with his airy-fairyness. 'What is going on here?' That was Oberon. 'Is it some Mad Hatter's tea party or something?' the king asked. 'Beg pardon, Your Maj, but what is the Mad Hatter's tea party?' Bottom asked with a show of great respect. 'I shall not answer your stupid questiom, Bottom. You had better ask Merlin to fill you in on that one as the mad Hatter's Tea Party will not be held until several centuries later,' Oberon said. The king is not given to frivolities, but when Bottom is around, he sometimes succumbs to them, as he is so fond of Bottom. 'Quick, Quincey! Get Merlin on line at Sherwood,' commanded Bottom. 'Only we give orders around here, Bottom,' Oberon said, looking very serious. 'Quince will do nothing of the kind.' Just then Starveling, Snodgrass and some others came rushing in saying that the Sri Lankan advisor (SLA) was knocking at the gates of the forest seeking admittance. Oberon looked distinctly disturbed. 'Quince,' Ob commanded. 'Fax Sherwood immediately for armed assistance. That foreigner must be got rid of once and for all,' Oberon said. 'Very well, your Majesty, it shall be done.' Emergency lights flashed red, green and yellow, with searchlights scanning the forest sky for enemy activity. Unfortunately, Merlin was not available, being away in Wales on a mission to find out whether King Arthur originally came from that country and not from Cornwall in England. Meanwhile, Queen Titania came down from her favourite tree on hearing that the SLA was in town, so to speak, and the Little Blithe Spirits of the Night got into a huddle, as women will. Presided over by Puck whom they adored, they were conjecturing whether the queen still wore her heart on her sleeve about the Sri Lankan Advisor. Just then, on hearing the king's voice, the forest stewards came in ceremoniously, bearing trays of wine, thinking that Oberon needed some refreshment. Needless to say, Bottom was quickly in on that and very deftly stole a glass off the tray before his royal host could! 'Off with your head, Botty!', Quince said in a stage whisper so as not to be overheard by Oberon. 'It is you, quince, who should be charged with treason! Cheers!' Bottom said, raising his glass of Burgundy. |
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