The Gamperaliya life, when Elephants too had their heads anointed during New Year

"Why was she foolish enough to marry you?" In this series, we ask couples how they met - and then the rest...:

by Lakmal Welabada

'Marriage is like taking a warm bath. When you are used to it, it is not so warm....'

For Ram and Kusuma the marriage still exudes warmth. Maybe, they say, it was a match made in heaven.But it didn't start by way of a perfect love at first sight.

"It's my elder brother who intervened on behalf of marriage. My husband was a gift to me," smiles Kusuma Wakkumbura, who celebrated her 52nd Wedding anniversary with her better-half, Rajakumarapakse Athapaththu Mudiyanselage Abeywardane alias Ram Abeywardane on March 24 this year.The twosome were born coincidentally on the same day with nine years apart. Their birthdays fall on January 30.

"Those days we were scared of, and were very obedient to our Aiyas (elder brothers) and treated them respectfully as if they were our father. So, when my Aiya made this proposal (for Ram) I barely thought about it as I knew my brother would not do anything that would be injurious to my future," she says.

"My friends call me Ram as my initials are R.A.M.," laughs Ram.This happily married 'Golden Jubilee' celebrators faced the interview with the Sunday Observer at the house built forty odd years back for themselves and their heir expanding family at Ranawakawatta, Old Kottawa Road, Pannipitiya.

Kusuma was born in 1929 as the lucky seventh of twelve offspring, which comprised a package of six boys and six girls. Planter and gem merchant, Wakkumburage Siriwardane and his wife Warnakulage Podi Menike were their parents who lived at Elapatha, Ratnapura. Ratnapura girls were said to be peerless beauties. Kusuma and her sisters seemed to be living proof.

These maidens were not allowed to go anywhere alone. "Although we had a bus service at that time, we went to Ferguson High School by a Bakki (bullock) cart. Later, when my second brother became a lawyer we got used to hitch a ride in his Vaxhaul Viven car. He used to drop us the sisters at school while going to courts every morning, and the Bakki cart was sent to fetch us back in the evening," says Kusuma.

"My father had a Morris-8 car. Unlike today, we didn't have TVs or CDs. The radio was the most prestigious instrument of that era. When my father brought a radio home, a big crowd gathered at our place as it was the first radio brought to our village," says Kusuma.

"Our home (Wallauwa) was close to the village temple, though I cannot remember the name. We offered 'Heel Dana' (breakfast) for 'Silkarayas' (those who observe the eight precepts...) at our house every Full Moon Poya Day.

They observed Sil and came home, partook of the alms and listened to the 'Dhamma' sermon broadcast over the Sinhala Swadeshiya service of the Ceylon Broadcasting Service from 8.00 to 9.00 am on every Poya Day. I was in Grade 5 or 6 during that time," she recalls..

Cosy environment

Kusuma was brought up in a cosy environment which she assumed was a disadvantage for her in later life. "We had servants for everything. So, we led a very carefree and jovial life. But when I got married I faced many difficulties with the kitchen chores. I couldn't slice a chillie properly.

My hands stung whenever I tried to do so. But thanks go out to my husband who tolerated my disabilities until I managed to pick up."But!," she pauses. "....but I managed to pick up all the house chores fast, you know" she adds. Ram responds to this as if she had won the Gymkhana..

"My eldest brother was a Korale Mahaththaya. That designation was next to 'Rate Mahaththaya' (Village headman). My lawyer brother looked after the family most of the time. He later became a Magistrate and villagers called him 'Nadukara Unnanse'. He and my husband's father who was also a Korale Mahaththaya were used to meeting each other at the Ruwanwella Courts. And that was how our marriage proposal was hatched. A match-maker ('Kapuwa') was dispatched to our home by his parents.

When it was half settled after tallying the horoscopes, Ram came to see me with his friend. His parents came next" she says.Ram was born in 1920 to a respectable Korale family at Ruwanwella, Awissawella. His family was exactly a half of Kusuma's, quantity-wise, as it comprised three boys and three girls.

Ram was the eldest. He studied at the Ruwanwella Bilingual School initially, and then enroled in Ananda Shashthralaya, Kotte (Colombo) and got through the London Matriculation exam in English, Sinhala, geography, botany and hygiene.

Having worked as an English teacher at Ananda Shashthralaya which was moved to Karawanella during the second world war, Ram secured an appointment as the Provincial Government Supervisor of the Free Milk Feeding Centres which drew him a princely salary of Rs. 480.

Kusuma studied up to the Senior School Certificate. She took to household chores. But when she got to know that many of her batch mates had secured teaching posts, she obtained permission from her family and ended up as an English teacher. Since the family dignity was treated as the most important issue of all, Kusuma had never dreamt of love, as in love affairs.

So, she was rewarded with the handsome and compassionate husband, Ram. "I was in a white double coat when I went to see her for the very first time. Can you remember me in that suit, eh?" he asks Kusuma. "Must have been. I faintly remember," she says.

Kusuma fondly remembers her father who owned two to three elephants. The 'Avurudu' (New Year) season was the most memorable of all. "All the villagers offered 'Bulath' (beetle leaves) to my parents. Everybody was given meals and money (Rs. 5 - 10) wrapped in a leaf of beetle.

Avurudu or otherwise our house was full of people. One comes after the other. From morning the dinning table was laid continuously for breakfast, lunch, evening tea and dinner for all comers. My parents were rich, so they never hesitated to give away paddy, coconut and money for those who were in need.

People came to my father for the oil anointing ceremony in 'Avurudu' as they believed he had an 'Ath gune' (blessing power) which would give them a long healthy life throughout the year. He anointed oil on his elephants' heads too.

Straight out of Gam Peraliya

Their life was straight out of Gam Peraliya before the Peraliya.

Kusuma recalls more details about that era. "We did not have super shopping complexes for our wedding wardrobes. We bought our clothes from the Chinese and Muslim vendors who cycled with big bundles of clothes.

They brought Wigs ('Havariyas') too. Women needed these 'Havariyas' to fold up their hair knots neatly. We could buy a nicely stitched frock for Rs. 2.00 and a beautiful saree for Rs. 50 from them. We rarely had seamstresses in the village so when we wanted to get a dress stitched we had to send it to Colombo. We bought ornamental jewellery and accessories from the Tamil Thorombal vendors who brought them from India. Tamil women used to bring 'Vadei' and other Indian sweets in cane 'Vatti' (baskets) on their heads.

"Those was the only 'short-eats' we had during our childhood," she says. Kusuma was 22 years and Ram was 31 years when they entered wedlock on March 24 in 1954. The couple's wedding was at Kusuma's , after which they lived in Ruwanwella. "All my in-laws were extremely nice people. I should especially remember my father-in-law.

My sisters-in-law used to tell me that many proposals were made for Ram, and I was the luckiest person who won his heart. My in-laws' passion was to see us living happily. Hence, they did everything for us. So, my husband did not have much responsibility over anything.

He was with his buddies and in social service, and most of the time out of the house too. So I decided to move away from my in-laws. I persuaded him to get a transfer. That was how we moved to Hettimulla, Kegalle," she recalls. Ram retired in 1978. But he never let go his passion for social work.

'Your simple touch has made a world of difference' was the verse written on the plaque awarded to him recently in appreciation of his voluntary service for 'Sahanaya' and Flash Foundation of Netherlands.

Ram and Kusuma built their permanent nest at Pannipitiya. "Actually we have had a very good friend called R. M. Abeyawardane. My name and his rhyme, we have become best of friends. He was the principal of Kegalle Central. We moved to Kegalle as we wanted to enrol our children in his school. But after sometime he transferred himself to Kottawa Dharmapala. So we followed him and came to Kottawa. My three sons studied at Dharmapala," says Ram.

"Help others. But never expect anything in return," says Ram. "Live happily, but cut the coat according to the cloth. Both of us came from affluent backgrounds. But, I knew what to spend for, and what not to. This should be the lesson imparted to your children from their small age," concludes Kusuma.