Darling we aren't too old, though we pass the Jubilee Gold:

Ying, yang and wedded bliss

by Lakmal Welabada

Erika was looking at the birds chirping on a branch near her hostel room at James Peiris Hall, Peradeniya campus. She was thinking... For the first time in her life she has started to "think" about a 'man', her Geography lecturer. Hiran Dias first saw her at the Department of Geography.

Dr. Percy Silva who noticed the young lecturer staring at the Ostrich-necked belle with a long plait that fell beyond her knees gave away all the information he knew about her. Hiran was thinking, "Why is my heart beating so fast at the sight of this fresher? What a strange feeling," he smiled to himself.

During lectures Hiran's eyes sought her pretty face. "Eya Mehe (she is here)" said the boys in the class trying to help their lecturer.

After a few months a senior female student came to Erika almost weeping. "I like Hiran Sir a lot. But he is trying to use me to get at you as you are not showing any interest in him. I cannot bear this anymore," she was quite frank about it.

Erika decided to talk to Hiran, not about anything else, but to clarify why he was doing such a thing to this other girl. But, for Hiran it was a good opportunity as he was waiting to catch Erika alone to talk.

She met him at the gymnasium. And without letting her speak a word about anything, he jumped with a proposal. "Erika, you are so special and I like you very much. I think I am in love with you. But there's a problem. I have to go to England for my PhD in Cambridge in a few months' time. Would you like to join me?" Erika was silent and still. "I will think about it," she said calmly.

Erika's father, two sisters and two brothers were bewildered when she said to them that she liked Hiran and wanted to go with him to London giving up her education. But Erika was confident. She was determined to complete her education in UK.

However, both their families vehemently objected and opposed their marriage. Although Erika's sister Sybil and her husband later gave their consent, Hiran's father who was extremely wealthy and caste conscious was furious over it.

Hiran's father even tried occult powers on them to stop Erika from marrying his son. "None of us believed that such evil deeds could harm us as we were very confident of what we were doing. So nothing affected us. We just forgot all about it, smiles Erika.

And then as the next step Hiran's desperate father had sent another relative of his to India to read the 'Nadi Vakyam' to know the destiny of his son. There it was strongly advised that he should not try to break the love affair of the young couple as they had been coming together in many births in Samsara.

"They had said that we were a 'Situ' couple in India in our last birth, and if he tried to separate us something bad would happen to him," says Erika.

Hiran took leave for two days from the campus and came to Sybil Akka's place in his Vauxhall-Victor biscuit coloured car. Other than a handfull of friends none of Hiran's side knew what he was upto.

Sybil Akka dressed her youngest sister as a bride. It was her duty on behalf of their mother who passed away when Erika was a 6-year-old. The Vauxhall-Victor flew with the new couple. Hiran who was in his normal clothes stopped at a temple nearby and changed into the groom's robes - a trouser suit.

The registrar was waiting for them at Hiran's class mate, Anil Amarasekara's place at Dickman's Road. Hiran's friend, Maths Professor Freddie Bartholomuesz, and P. P. G. L. Siriwardane, later Vice Chancellor of the University of Sri Lanka and also Erika's first cousin were the attesting witnesses for their marriage.

Everything went on smoothly though there was no tallying of horoscopes or auspicious times. Lakshmi de Abrew, the famous cake maker, also a friend of Erika's sister made the wedding cake for them. She had barged in through the window of Anil's place and quickly disappeared as she had no guts to get involved in this secret Romeo-Juliet marriage. Everybody was scared of Hiran's father.

After spending their first night at a Negombo rest house, Hiran dropped Erika at Freddie's place at Maharagama and flew back to Peradeniya campus on the very following day pretending that nothing had happened. But it was no longer a secret. "Hiran! My heavens, what are you doing here so soon? We will take care of your work, go, go back to Erika and spend the honeymoon with her.

You are a hell of a man, no?" His colleagues almost chased him away. Hiran with a contended beam came back to Colombo. His heart was full of bliss. Finally, his struggle was fruitful. He had won her. Now she was his. They had their real honeymoon, (the most beautiful days of anybody's life) at Ragala and Ella.

After selling his car, Hiran funded the ship fee for his newly married bride to go to London. Except his parents, all their family members and friends came to the harbour to bid them farewell. And also it was the first time that Erika's father met his youngest son-in-law. But it took many years for Erika's father-in-law to make up his mind. But later she became the best daughter-in-law of his, out of all.

Ponna Hannadiyage Hiranya Deva Dias was born on February 25 in 1934 at Panadura to a rich landed proprietor, Charles Martin (Charlie) Dias and Freda de Silva. Hiran was the youngest of the three boys.

The Elizabethan palatial house their father built in a 20 acre land which was adjoining a 20 acre paddyfield of theirs at Kaludewa, Panadura with an enthralling and scenic surrounding was the first residence of Hiran.

Later they moved to a house at Panadura town in order to make it easy for him to attend S. Thomas College, Mount Lavinia. Unlike the second brother who was the most boisterous, Hiran was a quiet boy.

Hiran did well in the Senior School Certificate (SSC), and his father decided to send him to Deulwich College, London.

This was 1951. "My father even packed the 'Miris Gala' (grinding stone) along with us, thinking we had to cook our own meals there," laughs Hiran. "They had left it at the hotel, and the hoteliers might have still stored it and kept it for the owner," joins Erika.

After two years at Deulwich, Hiran joined St. Catherine's College of Cambridge University. After completing his degree in Geography obtaining a first class, Hiran returned to Sri Lanka in 1956, and joined the University of Peradeniya where they began their love story from then onwards.

Fraulien Erika Ramawickrema was born in Palana, Weligama to Diamond Ramawickrema Jayawardhana who was a Station Master of the Railway Dept and Darlina Siriwardhana. Erika had studied in many girls' schools all over the island and completed it at the Castle Street Girls' School (presently known as Devi Balika Vidyalaya), Colombo.

Erika grew up in a strict and ardent Buddhist background from which the great Buddhist personalities like Palane Vajiragnnana Thero, Madihe Pagnnasihe Thero and Prof. Dhamma Vihari Thero hailed.

Erika first tried to complete the half done degree at the University of Hull, Notingham when she went to UK with her husband. But she finally completed it at Massachussets University at Fitchburg State in 1970. "In the States, I had encountered an unforgettable incident. By that time I was a mother of two sons, Agashan and Neshan. Hiran was lecturing at Clark University.

Neshan was two years old. One day my little fellow asked me 'why Amma, why do you want to go to the college?'... My heart broke. That day, I decided not to do any further higher studies after I completed my first degree," reminisces Erika.

After being the founder Head and Professor of the Department of Geography, Dean of the faculty of Arts, and then the President of the Colombo Campus for three and a half years Prof. Hiran Dias went to Bangkok in 1978.

He was the head of the Department at the Asian Institute of Technology, a Post Graduate University in Bangkok. And, after being an Assistant lecturer of the Demography Unit (population method) at the University of Colombo for seven years, Erika joined as the Consultant of Economic and Social Commission (ESCAP) for Asia and Pacific, UN organisation in Bangkok. "I worked there very happily as I got the chance to make project proposals for the poorest of the poor; especially for women through designing the human settlement in the region," she says.

It was 1986. Their two sons were almost at the edge of completing their education. During this time, Erika started meeting the spiritually acclaimed learned personnel like Dr.(Mrs.) Thynn (a Myanmar Buddhist teacher) in Thailand. Erika learnt 'Abhidhamma' from her and began practising meditation.

Simultaneously creativity, the hidden writing ability of poetry and prose burst in to her. Erika published her first book 'On thought, no thought, experiences and reflections' and has by now published about twenty books.

She was honoured with the award of the Outstanding Woman in Buddhism by the United Nation organisation on the UN International Women's Day in 2004.

Hiran and Erika returned to Sri Lanka in 1996. Erika formed an International Dhamma Circle with her learned friends in the same year.

Today, their sons - Agashan is an Industrial Engineer married to a Greek lady and having two girls, while Neshan is a Bio-Engineer married to a Thai girl. Both live in Sydney.

"Both my sons are also very much in to meditation." she says.

Talking about their long happy wedded life Erika says "With a woman - softness, tenderness and gentleness, which is known as Ying qualities. And with a man - rational, logical and aggressiveness, which is called Yang qualities. This is the base or the root of human nature.

So now the West has acknowledged that the woman and man are so different pulling in two different directions and from the start itself they are incompatible. Hence one party has to sacrifice and remain in deep silence to keep harmony in marriage. Very often it is a Ying woman who does it. And there in is the happy marriage,".

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