Why do women always seek romance and men lust?

by Sajitha Prematunge

Relationships are always great until the couple reaches that point of no return. Have you ever felt that your boy friend does not pay you as much attention as he did before? Is he not romantic as he used to be? Does he think that bringing flowers, chocolate or surprise gifts are a thing of the past? And guys, have you noticed that your girl friend is not very keen on 'getting physical'? Well, then you have something to worry about and a lot to do to save your relationship from going on the rocks!!

While I was surfing the net the other day, I came to realize that this was indeed a universal problem. A woman who was married for twenty years has said 'Married men want sex and married women want to "make love"'. And you guys may wonder 'what's the big difference between 'sex' and 'making love?'' Well for women there is a BIG difference. It takes more romance to 'make love' whereas (in my view) you can have sex with just about anyone.

And the definition of romance by a woman who has been married for five years - 'Hold my hand, whisper "I love you" in my ear, bring me flowers, ask me out on an official date, look at me with puppy dog eyes.'

A woman who was married for nine years says 'Married men always want more of the physical; married women want more romance.' My sentiments exactly! But then again judging by the break-ups of long standing relationships, it's safe to say that this applies to the unmarried just as much.

Another confession of a married person brought to light the predicament of the lack of mutual understanding. 'Men want their wives to respect them and their opinions.

Women want to be loved and appreciated affectionately. Apparently the problem arises when men give only respect to their wives, and women give only love and affection to their husbands.' Ultimately both the parties end up giving not what the other party wants but what they desire to receive.

I remember that whenever me and my boyfriend had a problem he would very calmly say 'Remember women and men are humans, but with all the differences they have, they might as well have been two completely different species.'

This never made more sense than when I came across this article on the net, about why men want sex and women want love. According to this men are frustrated with women because they never seem to want sex and women are frustrated with men because they always seem to want sex.

Eureka! I found the cause for a universal problem. The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is primarily a male hormone. A normal male body produces 20 times more testosterone than a female body. Frankly this means that if a man can go one day without sex a woman can go 20 days.

And 20 days of waiting for a woman is the equivalent of a man having to wait a whole year. Imagine that! Now I bet all you girls can really understand what a man is going through. Sex for a man is a way of releasing this testosterone pressure.

Only after this act can a man feel love towards the woman. Men fall in love through sex and women fall in sex through love. This is exactly why some women find themselves left out to dry right after giving the man what he wants.

This means that man never really did 'love' that woman. And this is exactly why it's extremely important not to have sex too early into a relationship. You must give the man time to decide whether he actually loves you or not.

In the stone age love was the guarantee that the man would stick around to take care of the offspring once his part was done. And for a woman sex was the climax of her emotional commitment to a man.

But why oh why were we humans made this way! The answer is 'procreation'. It's all a part of the process of evolution. A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a child every two years or so.

This means, a woman was originally meant, by nature, to be picky about who she has sex with. You may not know it, but we have been manipulated by evolution itself. Women were designed to be selective so they could pick the man with the best genes.

And men were designed to make as many attempts at procreation so as to ensure the survival of their strong genes. 'By nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider.

By nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed.' Men look for quantity and women look for quality. Consequently men always go for sex and women for love.

But no need to rack your brains concerning these differences about men wanting sex and women wanting love. It's all a part of nature. The best thing to do is keep in mind that although we - men and women - may seem pretty much the same, we are pretty different and that not only have we evolved to be emotionally distinct but also genetically.

And have some pity on the opposite sex.