'Super Service' fun!

by Samangie Wettimuny

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Ever thought of having a peaceful mind when there are a lot of fighting cocks and hens around you? What about having a couple of them on board in a Colombo bound Intercity Super Service bus, in the early hours of the day on your way to work? While mobile phones are ringing at such a pace - as if to overpower the piercing clamour of non stop F/M channels, the bus moves on 'in search' of its 'most wanted' passengers.

A man who had a fight with his wife then gets into the bus which is properly air conditioned and says 'A/C eka wadi karanna.' (increase the temperature). Then the conductor says 'high dala thiyenne' (we have put it on high).

Since he does not get any support from other passengers he keeps quiet, but unsatisfied, still ready for a 'show'. He looks around as if finding some other shortcoming, keenly observing the actions of the conductor.

At the same moment another passenger who seems to be cool as a cucumber calls the conductor and asks for his balance. "Maru naha, bahinakota dennam" (I don't have change, I'll give you when you get down.) is his answer and the angry man decides to 'declare war' on this. "Ohoma thamai, Balance na kiyanawa, anthimata api amathaka wela bahala yanawa. Hariyata kathakaranna igena gannawa" .. (That is their way. They always say they do not have balance. Ultimately we forget to collect it as we get down from our destinations. Learn how to talk to passengers).

The conductor leaves more room for him. He vows that he has never kept anyone's balance with him during his past ten years as a conductor. The verbal battle continues till the fellow reaches his destination. The 'cool' fellow has by then left the bus gleefully, of course with his balance!

The conductor then comes out with the 'history' of the man. "Oya nagapu welawe indalama kokkak danna thamai balan inne. Hamadama ohomai. Mulin A/c madi kiyala ke gahuwa, ekata support ekak nathi para ara mahaththayage ticket ekata adda" (No sooner he gets in he wants to pick up a quarrel. First he said A/c is not enough. When no one supported him he tried to butt into this.)

Then comes episode number two. A woman gets up from her sleep only to see the bus has taken her miles away from her destination. She rushes to the door to get down. She is not very small in size and her extra muscles make many a passenger move away from her.

Then she shouts 'bahinawa, ahen nadda' (I want to get down. Can't you hear). "Mis, methana bus halt ekak naha" (There is no bus halt here.) the conductor tries to bring her back to normal. But she is so angry and gets down at the next bus stop, cursing the conductor as if he was the one who made her sleep!

Passengers look at each other in utter amazement as they even heard her snoring!. But the conductor knows his Buddhism. He says that it is not amazing. It has been happening throughout. "Oya ganunge karadare ada eeye witharak nemei, budu hamuduruwange kale indalama thibuna." (Such troubles which are caused by women are not recent. It has been in existence from the period of the Buddha!) That is a fine one.

Everyone laughs to their hearts' content. The laughter remains perhaps too long... till one or two miss their destinations once again!

It is commonly believed that only women undergo tough times in buses.But this time the victim is a man. He sits on a folding (jumping) seat with two nicely dressed working girls on either side of him for his misfortune this time.

When the driver takes a left turn the man could not help exerting a slight pressure on the girl seated at his left side and when the bus makes a right turn he has to lean on the other girl's shoulder. Each turn whether to the left or to the right earns him a frown.

The poor fellow can't bear this any longer.. he bursts out.. "Me paththata thallu wenakota me mis rawanawa, anik paththata yanakota anik mis rawanawa. Mata angata watena aasawak naha". (Both of them frown at me. But I do not do it intentionally).

For passengers it is high fun, but not for the speaker. His words only 'earned' him two more 'ferocious' frowns from both sides!

Even when there are enough seats in the back, some refuse to sit on the back seats despite several pleas from the conductor. Instead they would use a jumping seat in the first row.

Each time when a passenger gets into the bus they have to get up and let them go to the back seats.. "Apita karanna deyak naha, Vihin duk vindinawa" (We can't do anything. You asked for it.) says the conductor, but the passenger does not want to let go easily. "Apita ona thana api yanne, api double gewanne ekane" (We sit where we want. This is why we have paid double the amount')

Want to come across voracious readers of English newspapers? Get in to a Colombo bound A/C bus from Kalutara to find one such who reads it aloud laughing to himself as if he is thoroughly amused by its content.

When one bus is replaced by another 'unexpected problems' may come up. The conductor wants you to follow the same seating pattern. But the new bus has one seat less and the passenger who was earlier seated on the first jumping seat has no seat now.

He resists and demands for a seat. The new conductor says that it is not his fault and is ready to refund the bus fare, but the passenger wants to continue his fight until he gets down.

"Mama monawa karannada, aluth bus eke seat eka nathi vunata, kamak naha, randu karanna ne kamathi. Ogollo office giyath ohomai." (I have got nothing to do about it.

These fellows are always out for a quarrel even in their office) says the conductor looking at the man who strides along the street in a still angry mood.

Having dropped all its passengers the bus finally reaches its last destination. Passengers have reached offices wondering what should be the subject for their next quarrel. Want to have them again in the same bus on your way home as well? You would if you are an avid fan of 'super service' fun.