Funny Side of Life

Moving with a lot of people most of the time comes with the territory of being journalists. And along the way we have collected a lot of really hilarious stories, some real some made-up, some undiscernible. s

We decided to dedicate this week's Memory Lane to the various yarns and jokes we have come across.

The Cadet

One of the cadets had been very weak in English, but he never gave up his will to learn. One day he sat for an exam and after marking the test papers, the lecturer asked him to come. While going through this cadets test paper, once again, the lecturer said "Tharanga, you seriously need to pull up your socks." In seconds the cadet said "yes sir", bent down and pulled up his socks.

He couldn't understand what the lecturer meant when he said 'pull up your socks', but sure did make the lecturer laugh his lungs out. The same cadet wanted to show his colours and asked the few guys of the junior batch to fall in front of his room.

He was giving them some instructions and some tough talk as well. While he was doing the tough talk to frighten them, a few guys of his senior batch passed the area and this is what they heard "If you'll don't behave properly I will make you all "Corlias".

After he was finished with showing his colours to the junior batch members of the senior batch has asked him to come. "What were you doing with the junior batch and why did you say that you will make them 'Corlias'? The senior guy asked.

"I wanted to scare them , but the proper words didn't flow and as I suddenly saw that there was a flower bed of 'Colias' I thought of using that word". "It is not good to get embarrassed in front of the junior batch", said the senior.

Hanumantha's bow

Well last but not the least - this is not a true story - one day a director came to a new school and after talking with the kids for some time, the director felt like testing his students common sense.

He raised his voice and asked "Who broke Hanumantha's bow?" None of the kids even let out a peep. He pointed at a kid and said "Gamini who broke Hanumantha's bow?" and Gamini replied trembling "Oh I swear sir it wasn't me."

The teacher was appalled at the level of common sense of the kids and decided to take it up with the teacher. He was furious to hear the teacher's version of the scenario - "No sir that boy is very innocent.

I don't think he's capable of breaking anything let alone Hanumantha's bow." The director was so furious that he charged into Principal's office and related the whole story to the Principal.

The principal in an enraged tone said to the director "That teacher doesn't know a god damn thing about those rascals. I bet it was definitely that Gamini brat who broke that bow."

The director was shocked at their level of common sense. He stormed out of the office. When he got home he decided to write to the Ministry of Education about the whole scenario. No more than one week after he sends it, he receives a letter from the Education Ministry. This was how it read:

'Dear Sir,

We are not responsible for broken items. We have never broken public property. With no doubt what so ever I can assure you that this was an act of the former government. Any broken item therefore is their responsibility, not ours and will not be replaced by our government.

Thank you....'

Rugger

This is not a joke but a famous Colombo school wanted to start their own rugger team. The money was finally collected and a few people were sent to collect sports equipment.

The coach was rummaging through the collection when he came across the rugger ball and said "God I gave that much money and they managed to get me a crooked ball!"

Genetics

The primary biological goal of any living creature is to spread their genes. According to this unwritten law, adoption would be - biologically speaking - inappropriate. However in the old days people were willing to adopt their orphaned nieces and nephews.

The secret to this is that every child has a 50% each of the mother and father genes and siblings share genes of their parents. Consequently your niece or nephew has 25% of your own genes passed on to him or her by their father or mother - your sibling.

So technically your brother having two kids is as good as you having one! (25 + 25 = 50%) Please feel free to rattle your brain about the logic of it.