Friends are like melons, shall I tell you why?

Friendships: Sweet and sour

I remember watching a movie two years ago named ‘Kadhal Thesam’, though I can’t remember the entire script or the episode I faintly recollect the salient features. It was a Tamil film to which I was attracted by one of the songs.

After some time I could sing that song by heart and it became my favourite song, not because of the melody alone but the lyrics as well. You may also recall it “Mustapha Mustapha don’t worry Mustapha/Nan ungal tholan Mustapha”.

Another verse of it is ‘Mulvada shippa friendship than’ means the unsinkable ship is friendship. That movie depicts how two friends brought up together, how they spent time, their commitment towards each other and how they took up challenges in the name of friendship.

The story of two friends is very sensible and it penetrates deep in to one’s heart, perhaps while watching it tears draw near the eye lids.

Friends might come into your life and go. A few of them may stay with you forever. “Forsake not an old friend, for the new is not comparable unto him. A friend is as new wine: when it gets older thou shalt drink it with pleasure.” - Ecclesiasticus.

When wine gets older it becomes tastier. But it may not be so when it comes to friendship. Leonard Wright supports that view -”As old wood is best burn, old horse to ride, old books to read, and old wine to drink, so are old friends always most trusty to use.”

This might not apply with everyone all the time. As time passes by, the pristine quality of friendship may deteriorate. Therefore, everyone is not able to have a lifetime friend who is faithful, loving and caring as at the beginning.

Friendships might end up due to ill-feelings towards each other. Therefore the friendship can perish. If one can preserve it throughout one’s life, he may be the luckiest person in the world. Though that song says the unsinkable ship is friendship, friendships are often sunk in deep end of ill-feelings and misunderstandings.

Friendship between two people are strengthened when they face adversity. That’s why it is said that “The friend in need is a friend indeed”. That is a sublime quality of a human being to help each other when they undergo hardships. An opportunistic friend will stand beside you at times of comfort and bliss and he would leave you when you confront controversy and adversity. As in the saying: “Prosperity makes friends and adversity tires them.”

You should be extremely careful in choosing friends because if you choose a wrong friend, you will have to suffer throughout your life because of the possibility of him/her causing you damage. As Benjamin Franklin said: “Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.”

There’s no exact criteria as to how to rank a person as a best friend. When the intimacy develops between two persons, a friendship grows. Then the two become very comfortable in each other’s company. If two people have similar attitudes, behaviour and qualities, they are more likely to become friends.

The friendship is strengthened when two people stay close to each other. Friends can exist within two states as well. Though they are unable to encounter regularly and often physically, they keep their friendship intact and wish the friend betterment.

Plautus said: “What is thine is mine. What is mine is thine.”

He might have meant to say there is no barrier or difference between two friends. It is not practicable always and with every one. Because you cannot possess your friend’s belongings or he may be not ready to let you possess them.

Though some friends proclaim that “Our friendship makes us one,” when it comes to their personal affairs, the scenario might often change.

I again refer to the film I watched. The two friends in that film too used the theory of ‘What is thine is mine and what is mine is thine’. But when they came to know that they were loving the same girl, there were many hiccups in the relationship and it came to an end.

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: ‘A friend is one before whom one can think aloud’. When you think no one knows what your thoughts are, what happens if your thoughts are heard to outsiders? People will get to know your private and very personal things. Needless to say it is very embarrassing.

According to Emerson it is only before a friend that you can think aloud. That means you can share anything with the friend. That is quite natural to share your things with an intimate friend as long as the friend would not let you down or reveal your secrets to outsiders. Before revealing such before a friend, you should assess them to be sure that he or she is trustworthy.

What if you don’t have a friend?

If I ask you a question “Who is your best friend?” as you have often been asked. Would you be able to give a firm and straight answer like this “Yes.. so and so is my best friend,” or would you pause for a moment and say “mmm... fine, I don’t think I have a best friend.”

Most of you I’m sure would react in the way I have mentioned in the latter. It’s actually hard to find a good friend in today’s society. Do you believe if I say I never had a best friend? When I was schooling, I yearned to have a (best) friend who would always encircle me, escort me, have fun and study together. But unfortunately (or fortunately) I still do not have a (best) friend whom I could keep faith and share my personal views.

Living without a friend for some people seem to be boring. When you are in need of a friend, especially when you meet with adversity, you often make wrong selections, and finally end up in a sad plight due to their infidelity.