Going back to the source

by Lionel WIJESIRI

It seems but a moment ago, but it was actually more than 8 years now that I had to make a conscious decision to never allow myself the luxury of playing the victim again. I've not always been successful with this determination. On some days, I outright fell on my face. However, in most situations I was successful.

The incident occurred in the year 2000. I was taking a foreign friend to dinner after he had come for a short visit.

By that time, I was doing what I thought I had to do to make money. I lived with a belief that I had to do a "decent" quota of work to make money in order to properly support my family. Whether I liked the type of work or not was not of much importance. And there's everything 'right' about being responsible to your family. This means I had set up the rules to my life such that my life was a reflection of victim. Nothing that I really enjoyed was present in my job and it was all because I "had" to do what I didn't like to do - had to be someone who I wasn't. I was doing everything I could to be unhealthy. I was tired and stressed and my glucose and pressure were at alarming levels.

To come back to the story, my guest was financial consultant and after the dinner we were engaged in a conversation about long-term investments. He said, "The biggest mistake that most people make about their investments is that they don't go to the source about who the management is and what the product is and what people are using the product." Three words he said sunk into my mind. "Go to source". That day, those three words made a big impact on my life.

I asked myself, "How do you go to source?" I remembered reading an article by Dr. Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan who said, "Go into the ecstasy of silence." I began to set aside 30 minutes of my time everyday to disappear into the magic of my inner silence. Ultimately, this simple habit has made all the difference. I awoke every morning with two primary questions: 1) what did I really want to do in my life? 2) What am I doing now?

These are the absolutely most important questions you'll ever ask yourself. In truth, you're answering them daily whether you're conscious or not of this fact. Aware or unaware, your life is a direct reflection of your answers to these questions.

The truth is you're the one driving your vehicle. Perhaps, you simply didn't realize it right. Perhaps, you've simply forgotten that nothing in life happens to you by accident; it happens with a purpose.

If you have the willingness to become the answer to these two questions, you will begin to live a life filled with infinite possibilities. Remember - your life has no meaning at all save the meaning you give it. Life wouldn't flow in any fulfilling way, until you realize that you're the one making a mess of it. Maybe, you would have got yourself overwhelmed with the big world, but your own world is what you're living based upon what is reality or what is pretence.

So, ask yourself the two most important questions, "What did I really want to do? What am I doing now? Try to live with the courageous vulnerability that openly and willingly asks, "why not on my terms? Why not a life that I dream about? Why not live a life that may serve to think freely, act freely and live freely?"