By Ishara MUDUGAMUWA
 

This week's love talk is with popular actoress Semini Iddamalgoda.

How do you define love?

Love is as I feel a selfish thing. We should love but never force someone to love us. And we should not expect people to love us in return.

What do you expect from your partner?

He should provide me with everything what I want and should take great care of me.

"Age is no barrier"- What do you think if a girl falls in love with a boy who is younger than her or else, with a man who is older to her in more than ten years?

I agree with the traditional custom of a girl getting married or dating with a boy who is elder to her in couple of years but age is no barrier for love at all.

Do you like to see your partner mingling with other girls? What will your reaction be if you happen to see such a thing?

I'm very jealous when it comes to love. I might take the most harsh decision when I happen to see that.

Can love be totally void of lust?

Love can't be totally void of lust. If there is love, there should be lust.

Who is your favourite model loving couple?

Saliya and Asokamala.

If you get an opportunity to be with your lover, where do you like to go with him?

It should be an isolated place . As I am a famous figure, we can't hang out in public places.

Why is romance so important in one's life?

I think that, if there is no love, there is no life.

Difference between love and lust

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love for one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get really confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not with another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person.

Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What makes people mix up love and lust so easily? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love means much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort of divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that.

Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side and you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one another's happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing he or she will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the happiness being aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with seven of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.

2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.

3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.

4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.

5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).

6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.

7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.

8. You are more yourself when you're with your partner than you are with anybody else.

9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy

Actually Jane Austen has personified two attributes of human nature, Pride and Prejudice in Darcy and Elizabeth. Darcy comes from a very high social hierarchy of Pemberley. He typifies the educated aristocracy while on the other hand, Elizabeth is the second daughter of a gentleman of modest means.

Mr. Bennett has five daughters who have been allowed to grow up the way they wanted, there has been no school education for them, nor has there been any governess at home. Elizabeth's very indulgent mother and irresponsible father never gives any thought to the future of the daughters, it is always taken for granted, that they will do well for themselves. To a woman of Mrs. Bennett's understanding, doing well exclusively means finding a rich, well to do husband. For a man of Darcy's social stature, these are very serious failings of the family and totally unacceptable to his polished, educated and refined mind. Darcy adores Pemberley, and the future mistress of that estate can only be just as polished and refined and from an equally prestigious family. He falls in love with Elizabeth only to be refused by her initially, and then much later she realizes that she can love no one but Darcy. How they become united and understand the love for each other makes very interesting study.