How to deserve and keep it?

Let's disassemble concept of "respect" for a start. Respect is understanding and acceptance of a person, his individuality, recognition of his advantages.

Love between people cannot arise, if they do not respect each other: you hardly could love an "unworthy" person. Respect also means pride of your loved one: you are proud of his successes on work/in study/house affairs, ability do something. But sometimes it is difficult to understand: whether your elect respects you? Let's examine

Do you respect me?

If you are assured that your partner loves you, most likely, you will not have a question.Does he respect me as an individual? Similar questions usually come to mind when you feel your loved one started showing light condescension towards you, irritating because of any nonsense or ceased reckoning with your opinion at all. In that case, it is necessary to reflect whether there was something, that sharply lowered your authority in your partner's opinion?

If you could not find an answer to this question, take advantage of one of the best ways of finding-out of reasons of such strange behaviour - arrange an open talk. Certainly, it is not necessary to ask, What happens?, You do not love me anymore?,Have I done something wrong?, Why have you been behaving as an egoist since recently?!. Such questions, most likely, will cause nothing, except strong irritation and bewilderment. Also it is not necessary to lift such serious themes, when your partner is occupied with something important, demanding concentration or, got tired and hungry, hardly had time to cross a house threshold, having spent a whole day on work. Before beginning a conversation, analyse, what can be the reasons of absence of respect to you. Probably, your elect is dissatisfied with the fact that you were discharged from office and do not try to search for a new job? Ignored house affairs completely? Think, what he respected you earlier for, what he or she admired in you.Perhaps, he liked your tremendous appearance, and you absolutely ceased taking care of yourself. Certainly, these are only most "general" reasons because of which your partner's respect to you can be decreased considerably. Besides, think, what your partner respects in other people: achievement of any purposes which he is not capable of achieving, improbable work capacity, desire and aspiration to develop yourself,.... perhaps, he respects people for ability to support any conversation.

Recollect, whether he dropped such phrases as: he was promoted, not everyone can work so productively! . Saman's wife finished a driving school, don't you wish to register?.

Having understood the reasons why your spouse can be dissatisfied with you, choose an opportunity and try to start a conversation on the theme necessary to you. As an example we will deal with such situation. It seems to you that your husband is dissatisfied that you do not work anywhere. After a supper ask him, how things are on his work/the way a day passed/whether he got tired for the day etc. Then tell that you did today. If you plan to get a job in the near future, mention that besides any house and other affairs. If not, tell, how many things you have to do for a day. Having heaved a deep sigh, inform that it would be desirable for you to get a job, but then you will have absolutely no time on other things . Most likely, your spouse will try to help you somehow, and you can find a compromise, capable to satisfy you and your husband.

Having eradicated the reason of absence of respect, you will also return respect.

If you still failed to understand the reason of your husband's disrespect discuss with him about what you could be engaged in your free time or tell that you want to self-perfect, and ask for his council as to what to begin with? It is quite probable that your partner will state the things he would like you to do, and the problem will be solved.

Try not to go into extremes, following your husband's councils: search for compromises instead. If your spouse advised you registering in a driving school, it is not necessary to ignore all affairs (work, study, child care) and rush to a driving school like mad. If he is dissatisfied you have ceased being engaged in house affairs, it is not necessary to do cooking, tidying up apartment and repairing furniture at once, try to distribute duties fairly.

False alarm

However, all the same, it is not necessary to worry ahead of time. Quite probably that all "symptoms" of your husband's disrespect are false, and all is caused only by a difficult period on his work or bad mood. Perhaps, he simply requires your support. And if you do not know the reasons of your spouse's bad mood, this can quite mean you treat him inattentively in some measure.

Try to show more interest in his affairs from your side, ask him about his plans, what is necessary for him and what he wishes to do. After all, a harmonious marriage is possible only when both spouses understand, appreciate and respect each other.