Give yourself a break!

Success in life depends mostly on breaking down barriers. We have to face many barriers in life from the cradle to the grave. The first barrier in the modern context is the school admission. After passing the Grade V scholarship examination it is an uphill task to have your child admitted to a prestigious school. If the child fails the examination he will have to sit selection tests. Then the parents will have to find money for donations demanded by most schools.

After this hurdle, the child has to sit the GCE O/L examination and later the GCE A/L examination. Then comes the most difficult part in anyone’s life, finding a suitable job. Newspapers are full of job advertisements. But in most cases the applicants do not have the right qualifications. Then you accept any job willy-nilly and end up as a frustrated worker.

These are just a few instances we have to face in life. If life is without such problems, there will be no challenge. How to face these challenges effectively is the main concern of counsellors and psychologists. Those who are able to solve their problems without outside help enjoy their short span of life on this planet. However, those who cannot find any solution to their problems end up as a frustrated lot. They need help.

Unknown to many words have a therapeutic value if they are used wisely. In order to break the social sound barriers you can become a good conversationalist. This should not be misconstrued. Conversation does not mean talking about yourself all the time. If you do that you will become a big bore among your friends and associates.

When it comes to conversation, most of us are poor players. In order to become a good conversationalist you have to develop two skills: a well-modulated voice and a rich vocabulary. If your voice is subdued or unclear, people will not listen to you. Similarly, if you cannot express yourself due to the paucity of words, you run the risk of losing your listeners. Remember that your voice is the first instrument to impress people.

Those who can talk freely and effectively develop their personality. However, your voice and vocabulary should be supplemented with rich ideas. If there is no mean in what you say, you will go down as a poor speaker. A good conversationalist knows how to create word pictures. They become good orators in the long run. Look at Barack Obama and study how he reaches his audience. Most people favour him because he is articulate. His pronunciation, the choice of words and gestures support his arguments and mesmerise his audience.

Some jobs require you to be away from the public. For instance researchers, lab technicians and surgeons hardly get a chance to mix with people except at a party or similar gathering. As a result, most of them become poor conversationalists. Try to talk to one of them at a wedding or funeral, you will find it extremely difficult to drag them into a conversation. Once I met a doctor friend at a funeral.

“How are you, doctor?”

“Just fine. I have to get back to the clinic.”

That was the end of the conversation. I do not know whether he thought that a funeral was not a good occasion to converse. Thus, some people prefer to remain silent wherever they happen to be. The end result is frustration and misunderstanding.

At the other extreme you find people who won’t allow you to speak. They monopolise the conversation. Therefore, those who engage themselves in conversation should consider whether their listeners enjoy what they say. If the conversation turns out to be gossip, nobody will benefit.

Conversation with dull or uninteresting people will be a problem for many of you. If you happen to converse with such people, try to find out their sensitive spots. They may have their own petty preferences, pride also matters here because even dull people are proud of some of their qualities.

Then the million-dollar question. What are you going to talk about? For this you need to read and travel extensively. Those who do not have such a knowledge cannot go beyond mundane subjects like weather and politics. Another good habit is to come down to your listeners’ level of understanding. If they do not understand what you say, they will not listen to you. However, if you happen to be among educated people reach them like an equal. In whatever situation you append to be, allow them to have their say.

One secret of being a good conversationalist is to encourage others to talk about things they know well. With a brief familiarization you can determine their interests and the level of education. Ask them for their advised and they will be more than pleased. Until you find them receptive to your ideas, do not speak on any important topic.

A competent conversationalist can identify an enthusiastic listener immediately. For instance, an enthusiastic person is full of energy and never hesitate to ask questions. He is always ready to share his views with others, such people talk about themselves very briefly.

Whether you happen to be in London, Rome or Kuala Lumpuer, you have to adjust yourself to the social environment. Similarly you have to adapt yourself to various types of people. Each person demands individual attention and recognition. If you can adapt yourself to changing situations, you will have no problem with strangers and your own rivals. Try to find something good in them, and they will be your listeners.

Another hurdle you have to clear is the sound barrier. Some people remain silent and you will find it extremely difficult to start a conversation with them. On the other hand some people talk too much without giving you a chance to speak. It again is a sound barrier. At least for the time being try to understand their silence. When once you adjust your attitude towards them it will facilitate conversation.

Once a lady at a wedding asked me whether I knew Mr. X was carrying on with Mrs. Y. These are too delicate to be discussed in public. “What do you think of it?” she persisted. Although I too knew about it, I told her that I knew nothing about it. So she dropped the subject completely. If I had told her what I had known, it would have amounted to gossip. As a rule, good conversationalists avoid subjects such as divorce, religion, politics, sex, and romantic affairs.

During conversations some people get angry. If you are wise, never try to confront an angry man with advice. Tell him that he is right. This will satisfy his ego. If possible, ask him to repeat his offensive words in a diplomatic way. Then he will realise his folly of using such harsh words. Once a listener levelled a tirade against the speaker. The latter simply smiled and told the former that he was right. Then the listener sat down quite confused. Humour comes handy when you find yourself in a tricky situation. Everyone loves a good joke and forget their worries. On the other hand, humour is an antidote to stress. Some speakers crack jokes and begin to laugh. This is a bad practice in conversation. You must not laugh at your own jokes. You can heighten their intensity by not laughing at them.

Give yourself a break, be a good conversationalist.