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When
you're dating a guy, you can forgive him for some
indiscretions, but it's nearly impossible to turn the other
cheek if he strays. An investigation was done by some
researchers to ascertain the traits that may make men more
likely to cheat, some of the findings were surprising
eye-openers.
But before you freak,
realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a
mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you.
"You have to listen to your guy as well as read the clues,"
says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and co-author of
"Red Flags! How to Know When You're Dating a Loser." Run
through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if
your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you
can deal. |
Dating Factor
His Background
Cheat Predictor 1
Was he spoiled as a kid? Do his parents tend to baby him and
help him out of financial jams? Has he ever bragged about cheating on an
exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college? If your man
seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters
that rock the rest of us, beware.
Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement , so he
may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting
what he wants, why should he stop now? "He might cheat because he thinks
he deserves to fulfil all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt,"
says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author
of the forthcoming "Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from
Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal." "He probably has
little concept of how upset you would be if you found out because he's
too self-centered to think about your feelings." So how do you know if
you have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list? Glass suggests
paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad
behaviour on his part. Does he regret getting caught forwarding your
racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first
place? Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take
responsibility himself? If he can't see how his actions affect others,
he's not likely to say, "Whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when
temptation strikes.
Dating Factor
His Career
Cheat Predictor 2
Does
he work mostly with women?
Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at
dinner with clients or on business trips? Does he make a lot of money?
It's great to date a guy with ambition - and his deep pockets definitely
don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles - but the office
environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind.
According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often
with a work colleague. "Not only are people with similar interests side
by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually
when they're most energetic and look their best." Unfortunately, the
bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an
office buddy. According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D.,
author of "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men," top-tier
guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just
because big bucks can be babe magnets.
"Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at
providing, the more appealing they are to women," says Alon Gratch,
Ph.D., a psychologist and author of "If Men Could Talk." "Since
testosterone is what drives men's quest for power, if a guy has achieved
status, he's more likely to act on his desires." Remember that little
Oval Office incident? But before you start staking out your guy's office
parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending
time working diligently. If he sounds happy that you call during the
day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're
most likely his one and only partner.
It's when he acts more secretive about his work than a CIA agent that
he's probably taking on after-hours clients.
Dating Factor
His Schmooze MO
Cheat Predictor 3
Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into
work late)?
Does he make an effort to charm everyone-your co-workers, your older
sister, a saleswoman? When you go to parties, does he insist on making
the rounds? Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to
keep you entertained. How could you not adore him? But according to
Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on
attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well,
sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied
by one woman's ego-stroking. And if he's suave with the ladies,
opportunities undoubtedly arise. "Charmers meet a lot of women and win
them over easily," says Aumiller. "So even if his intentions aren't more
than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship, and
that's hard to resist." To determine if your charmer might become a
two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings. A guy who
wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a
new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when
other women are around. "He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side
glances when he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure
he spends at least part of the night partying with you," says Gratch.
But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are.
When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself.
Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on
you.
Dating Factor
His Friends
Cheat Predictor 4
Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?
Do his friends egg him on to join them in just-for-men activities? Do
his pals have problems staying in relationships? The nightclubs, the
bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off not knowing the
details of it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit. Although
boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well,
trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free
agent. A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see
those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to
encourage them to do the same.
You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop
your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't
always be on your side. According to Aumiller, "If a coupled-up guy's
friends are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about
being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least,
they'll cover for him." Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging
out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between
his buddies and you. "He should include you sometimes when he meets up
with friends," says Glass.Although your fella's frat pack might seem
like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys (fake fondness if you have
to) can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their
respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.
Cosmopolitan
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