It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked. She replied, "Yes or No."

Here is an excerpt from the "in-flight safety lecture" given by an airline attendant: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area.

Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

A man had just wrecked his car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, he managed to pry himself from the wreckage without a scratch and was inspecting the damage to the car when a police car arrived on the scene. "Gosh!" the police officer gasped. "Your car looks like it was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK sir?" "Yes, officer; I'm just fine," the man replied.

"Well, how did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the man began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!

I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh, sir", the officer said, cutting him off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

"Here's the deal. If you co-operate with me and be still, I'll use the Good Boy Drill. But if you are not ready to do this, I'll have to use that!"