Shedding bitter memories....

by Shanika SRIYANANDA

"He is a refined kid". That is the very first impression one gets seeing and talking to 16-year-old Raj.

A chain of bitter memories are fading away slowly with the busy schedule that ties him to books, lectures, sports and music.

But whenever he gets a breathing space his mind makes him restless as blood stained memories still haunt him.

"I want to feel the warmth of my mother", is the wish that tops his list of priorities including to pass the examinations to get a better job.

It is hard to imagine that Raj, the timid and soft-spoken boy was trained to fight and kill. Instead of a deadly T 56, his hands hold a pen...instead of a cyanide vial, he wears a silver chain... instead of over-sized shirt and trouser, he wears clean white school uniforms.

Innocence resurfaces and life has begun for over 273 children aged between 13 to 18, who are given protection and education at the Hindu College, Ratmalana. These children - the former child soldiers know that they are soldiers, but there is no hint left for them to feel that they fought in the battle fields a few months back.

"To rehabilitate them, they need help to forget the past", the Officer-in-Charge Major Herman Fernando says dutifully.

Raj willingly comes forward to recall his life under the LTTE.

After a pin drop silence, while his other colleagues play netball and basketball and some hurriedly rush to after noon classes to catch up with missed education, he starts his story - the experience of a child soldier during the last few days before the fall of the LTTE on May 19.

Raj was his mother's pet. One of his three elder brothers lives in Germany and Raj too once dreamt of flying from Mullaitivu to Berlin.

His family became a martyrs family (Mahaweera family) after the death of his second big brother who was a LTTE soldier killed in battle.

So the LTTE treated them well. The other two boys in the family were exempted from being forcibly conscript to the LTTE's training camps in a honour of his slain brother.

When the soldiers were fearlessly assaulting the LTTE and the Tiger lands and man power shrinking rapidly, the LTTE snatched away whoever could hold a weapon.

Their last resort was Puthumathalan and Raj could not escape being conscripted and he was given one month's crash training.

"I always remembered my mother. I used to put an arm around her after my father died. I cried when they dropped me and other boys and girls to fight. I wanted to run to my mother", his voice became weak.

Raj recalls that he did not shoot at any soldier though he was armed with a T-56 as he was scared to kill. Most of the newly recruited children were left alone without leaders and they ran for their lives when the battle was becoming tough.

"When the people were crossing the lagoon myself and others threw the weapons and surrendered to the Army. The LTTE told us not to surrender because the soldiers would kill us. Instead of killing us they saved our lives, fed us, treated our wounds and protected us", said Raj thankfully.

While in the Poontottam Centre, the call from his big brother in Germany left a permanent scare in his life. After he was taken by the LTTE, his mother, who was mentally and physically ill, was screaming and Raj's third brother, had stolen a loaf of bread from the LTTE's bakery.

Four LTTE cadres, who followed him, ended his life punishing him for stealing.

"He was not able to feed my mother. They shot him just for a loaf of bread", he looked down while holding back his tears.

He now knows his mother lives at the welfare centre for displaced people. Though Raj's mother didn't visit him, many parents of other children have already seen their parents.Maj. Fernando says that there was a marked improvement in their lives compared to the first few days. They learn even how to sleep on a bed. Some had fallen from the beds and were scared to sleep on the double beds.

The main strategy adopted in rehabilitation of these children is 'forget the past'.

Maj. Fernando enlightens that they do not want to know their history, but the important aspect is their ability to become normal kids.

"We always teach them to forget the past and think and plan about the future", he adds.

According to Maj. Fernando, majority of the children had short stays in the LTTE and some were given a few days of training. Most of them were recruited against their will and they had fled abandoning the LTTE.

He recalled a story of a girl soldier at the Ambepussa Rehabilitation Centre where he was the OIC before coming to the Hindu College.

She had told the officers that she was with the LTTE for a few months and surrendered to the Army along with the people.

Days later she had fallen on the ground unconscious and started crying and pleading for forgiveness.

She was directed to a psychiatrist and revealed the reason. The girl was with the LTTE for more than eight years and had taken part in many battles against the Army.

But when she was treated well her sub conscious mind started fighting with her and she wanted to get a pardon. The teachings of the LTTE that painted a devilish picture about the soldiers made her to hide her true dealings with the LTTE. She said that she thought they would kill her as she was a senior cadre.

Today, she is at the Thellippale Rehabilitation Centre in Jaffna following vocational training and getting ready to go home soon.The 273 girls and boys - the survivors of the war are in safe hands living in their small childhood dreams learning to live a decent life. Basically, they are supported by the rehabilitation authorities to learn life through education.

After a month's time at the Hindu College, 84 children had decided to sit for the Ordinary Level Examination. They were encouraged by giving facilities and holding additional tuition classes. The dedicated staff of the Hindu College, including its Principal N. Manmatharajan became a source of strength to these students.

"It was the toughest exam that I have faced. But we were did not afraid and confident that we would get better results", says Malathi who studied day and night with determination that education would give light to her life.

The Commissioner of Examinations had arranged a special seminar to teach them the basics of facing an exam.

All of them are impressed by the facilities given to them. They do not want to waste time as they have already missed out on education.

The authorities want to offer these children similar facilities as those enjoyed by the children of the South to make them feel that they are not differently treated.

Their nutrition is also given priority and meals given according to a menu given by the Medical Research Institute that designed a balanced diet according to their health and nutritional conditions. Though all these children are Hindus and vegetarians, they are given the option of tasting KFC and McDonalds food.A fully equipped gymnasium is to come up while they are given facilities to take to boxing, volleyball, football and netball.

Another ex-child soldier Suraji is busy teaching some lessons to some of the girls. She teaches maths and takes dictation on some of the Tamil words. "I like to learn and want to become a teacher.

Some days I teach small ones and this refreshes my knowledge", says this starry eyed lass who was taken by the LTTE during the later part of the battle.

She tries to come up with her story. But I don't press her on her past as it would not help her to come out of the agony. But she wants her voice to be heard and she talks about life at the Hindu College. She explains to me in Tamil using some Sinhalese words which she learnt recently to describe how these girls and boys are now moulded to become 'harmless citizens' one day.

She then invites me to meet her room mates. The neatly arranged rows of beds and towel racks with neatly folded clothe would never give one a hint that the room shelters the ex-LTTE child soldiers. Picture an image of the faces that we saw on TV.

The dark and tired teenagers carrying RPGs in Tiger uniforms with black stripes and displaying their deadliness with hanging cyanide capsules around their necks.These girls and boys, who are looking forward to experience a peaceful world would, be the future leaders to tell about humanity.The smiling black and fair beauties are now trying to grow their short hair that was cropped off by the LTTE against their will.

Face wash, fairness creams, nail polish, glittering jewellery and fashionable clothes that once were not theirs, now adorn their lives.

Prabhakaran taught them to venerate death, but now they worship God and believe that life is more precious than killing themselves for an useless dream of another.

"Apita Santhoshai. Apita onne igenaganna. Apita aasai Singala igenaganna", (We are happy. We want to study and learn Sinhala) Radha says in broken Sinhala. They all learn Sinhala, the language that spoken by their 'enemies', whom they find now treat them like their own parents.

The girls giggle and still shy away like ordinary Tamil girls. They are unspoilt and try to weave their lives each day. They have high hopes that society would accept them as normal kids.

"It is the love that can take these children to the correct path. Prabhakaran taught them of 'two' worlds. But now what we are teaching them is that we all form one world", Brigadier B.L. Perera said thanking the business community, NGOs and the Hindu Congress for giving the necessary support to brighten their lives.

Let's join hands to make the sky clear blue for these butterflies to fly innocently.

Vast improvement

Commissioner General of Rehabilitation Major General Daya Ratnayake says that there is a vast improvement in the behaviour of these children who are now more disciplined.

"They did not know how to sleep on a bed and they slept on the floor. We trained them on good hygiene", he enlightens me.

"Initially there were 600 ex-child soldiers who surrendered to the military. They were divided into two groups - those who did not have formal education and those who qualified to go back to school. The children, who missed formal education, are now following vocational training at the Poonthottam Rehabilitation Centre, and others are schooling at the Hindu College, Ratmalana", he goes on adding that.

When the children were asked whether they like to study, all raised their hands, but considering their qualifications, parents' consent and the magistrate's approval children were selected for the Hindu College. "Giving a good education is the top priority of Tamils and the government wants to fulfil this aspiration of Tamil parents. That is why we have taken the bold decision to bring 273 children to Colombo", he said adding that before bringing them to school, certain facilities were to be improved and given a facelift.

According to the Rehabilitation Chief, the authorities want to change the lives of these children through education and inculcating moral values during their stay under his wings.

"Apart from giving facilities for extra curricular activities, the children are facilitated to improve their talents in dancing and music. They are also given lecturers on moral values, Tamil culture and psychology".

Health profiling has been completed with the help of the medical officers of the Kalubowila Hospital which conducts medical clinics.

Maj. Gen. Ratnayake explains that the children would be provided protection for a year, but according to the assessments of the magistrate and the probation officer, they would be released every three months. And that through these children the final goal is that reconciliation could be achieved and it is a collective responsibility for the society to accept them back as normal kids.

"They are victims of war and they need our support to go back to their normal lives", he emphasises.

Ability to adapt

According to Dr. Hiranthi Wijemanna, the children are happy to be educated at the Hindu College, and they are well looked after by the authorities under the directions of the Ministry of Justice.

She says that most of them are happy because they were given the chance to see their parents whom they never saw when they were under the LTTE.

"These children have developed good friendships among them and also with the officers. They are supported well, looking into their psychological aspects as they had been subjected to live under heavy fighting", she explains.

According to Dr. Wijemanna, most importantly, the authorities want them to enjoy their lost childhood due to war and the ultimate goal is to teach them to become independent citizens once they step into the outside world.

"What I have seen in these children is their ability to adapt to new environments forgetting their past.

" It is amazing to see their enthusiasm to study", she marvels.