Women's liberation, marriage and motherhood

by Amal HEWAVISSENTI

Are you looking for security in life - social, emotional or financial? It is not contrary to popular belief that nothing in this mortal world is sure except death, but marriage and the motherhood are the most dependable security the world can offer though they have their own trials and tribulations. This is real life at its most basic level because marriage and motherhood are thought to be the topmost career choice of the majority of women.

If a woman wants to love and be loved marriage offers her the ideal favourable situation to accomplish her potential roles of planner organiser co-ordinator or a leader in the household chores. If young women are under the impression that there is greater job satisfactions in getting unbelievable promotions, having executive powers over a large number of people, earning a staggering amount of wealth, or travelling to exciting places than in having a baby, they are absolutely misguided in their thinking. How on earth can these types of career successes compare with the unfailing satisfaction and the fun of caring for babies, watching them respond and grow under a mother's loving care?

What women's lib says

The famous women's liberation movement is totally sceptical and highly sardonic of the woman's undisguised commitment to marriage and motherhood. The movement ruthlessly labels a woman's dedication to her family, marriage husband and children as "legalised prostitution" from which women are to be saved to refine their identity and self-fulfilment. A high level of absurdity is displayed in the statement by the movement's members that women must be freed from 'prison' of home oppressing dictator of husband and menial work of children, in order to proceed with rewarding careers. These feminists once said that marriage is nothing more than a contract of prostitution where the woman guarantees herself of her economic security in exchange of her domestic services and the body. How ridiculous this statement really sounds! In short they made the word "housewife" a symbol of derision.

Woman's role in the domicile

Giving a personal interview to the New York Times, Oriana Fallaci, a highly successful Italian journalist, admitted that despite her highest financial success, she was under the bitter disappointment that she had no baby of her own. This shows that though she had reached the pinnacle of her profession and financial security, it was definitely not enough for the realisation of her full potential as a woman. Even Mrs. Ronald Reagan who gave an exclusive interview to an American national television channel voiced the innermost depths of her heart when she said that a woman's real happiness and the sense of fulfilment come from within her home with a husband and children. If a woman chances to view her home as a prison, she will find herself imprisoned in an office and the flight from home simply means flight from herself from social responsibility and from womanhood in quest of never ending illusions. If a woman is unwilling to be subservient to her husband, how is it that she is subservient to her boss in the office or factory?

In any case, if a woman is reluctant to live in her husband's home, she is violating the basic standards which make her a good wife and those women who maintain that a wife should be granted the right to establish her own separate domicile, do not stay married for a long-time. This so-called "equal right" will be the decisive factor which subsequently undermines the happy lifetime marriage. Much obsessed with the concept of "equal rights". Some women tend to divide up the week days and assign equal number of days to her husband to do household work. The agreement goes on as follows - husband cooks the meals, wash clothes, and take care of the baby on Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday while the wife's turn is on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If the baby chances to wake-up and cry for his mother's warmth on Sunday night,the husband has to explain to the infant that the agreement of household duty does not permit his mother to come to him. What a tragedy? This is what the women's liberationists call the "equal rights" for women.

On the other hand, a husband has a high level of responsibility for and concern over the household work and he must co-operate positively with his wife to make the married life a resounding success. Within the framework of marriage and motherhood, a husband can never escape from his responsibilities in the domicile, but has to be a diplomatic decision maker and an active contributor to the execution of household duties.

Liberation vs happy life

It is happy marriage. If can readily be labelled as a pearl of great price which is highly impossible to be discovered by searching in far away places. A happy marital union is similar to a garden which yields a good crop when the seed is properly planted and the ground is cultivated regularly. Many women labour under the misapprehension that to build a happy marriage, they must possess beauty, good figure, a high IQ, money or popularity which may attract a man, but none of these can build a lasting relationship. A positive woman realises that her prime emotional need is active (to love) though the man's fundamental emotional need is comparatively passive (to be admired).

A positive woman recognises this fundamental difference and the knowledge of this factor gives her the necessary power and drive to build and sustain the most fragile, but most rewarding of all human relationships, the happy marriage. Once again the women's liberationists impress on the young ladies, the idea that cinderella ideology of happy marriage is a complete myth and delusion and "live happily ever after" concept is limited only to fairy tales but not to real life. What they really want to put across is that love, dedication and all kinds of matrimonial bonds should be sacrificed for the sake of career uplift and material gain.

A satisfying and rewarding relationship between a man and a woman has a greater scope to last through years if the woman is penetrative enough to offer him undisguised appreciation and admiration that his manhood yearns for. The chief fallacy of women's liberation movement is the mistaken belief that traditional marriage unconditionally calls for wife's submission of her own identity to her husband's, limiting herself to four walls, sacrificing her intellectual or professional interests and playing the role of domestic servant. But the movement has blatantly forgotten that, head strong, freethinking, assertive and self-confident women in history have been held in lasting relationships with men and have acted in cooperation with men in their domestic partnership. The bond that stuck them together was the abundance of admiration and respect that each lavished on the other.

Sounder basis for marriage

It is absolutely true that a husband is naturally possessive about his wife's sexual favours, but he is not at all possessive of her mind, time or talents. A positive man encourages his wife to pursue her talents and spend her time however she pleases, and the more she achieves, the prouder he is because he knows that he is the superhero in her life. On the other hand, the absolute submission of a wife's identity in her husband's is really more offensive to the husband than to the wife because many marriages have gone on the rocks when a wife nags and complains about the time he spends with her in social functions and other festive occasions that include her. The marriage is on a sounder basis if she develops her own interests.

Though life is full to the brim with problems and everyone has his or her share, no other quality can do so much to ensure a happy marriage as a happy disposition. A wife's cheerful disposition will attract her husband like a magnet because a cheerful mood can guide a person over countless obstacles.

Why would a husband want to stop off at the local bar instead of coming straight home? Unless he has already become addicted to alcohol, the subconscious reason is probably because everyone there is cheerful and no one is nagging him. If home is to have a greater lure than a tavern, the wife must be at least as cheerful as the waitress! Therefore happy marriage is a perfect vehicle for the positive woman. It gives new identity and opportunity for all-round fulfilment as a woman.