As I love you even more than myself:
I don’t need to make you mine
This is not an ordinary love
story that I am going to tell. It all began when I went to a new school
after the scholarship examination. You also had been selected to our
school. During the early period I saw nothing special in you but a good
friend, who could attract everyone with your talking. Later on you
became much closer to me. Friends started to pass hints, saying that we
would become lovers one day. At the time I though it ridiculous. But
later on I saw your innocence. That was the beginning of all the
suffering.
 Both of us were in the same class, so I had no obstacle seeing you.
We talked not as a lover, but as a friend. You were not very interested
in studies. So I always tried to raise your enthusiasm, because I needed
to see you excel. By grade nine you also became a prefect. As prefects
we had to organize many functions. Each and every moment during these we
were together, sitting side by side and chatting. You made every moment
special. The sports-meets will never fade from my memory. Which gave me
a chance to spend a lot of time with you alone.
Later on you became my whole world, but no one even my best friends
knew about it. During school vacations I impatiently waited for a call
from you. I think you also needed to phone me at least once during
vacation. But in grade eleven all things changed. You expressed your
love for me. It was the bugle that announced the death of happiness in
my life. I knew that I will loose you day by day.
In my case I had no problem in starting an affair but I didn’t.
Because I new that though the whole world changed, I would never be able
to make you mine. My parents will never accept you as a person that
suits my family. So although I knew if I expressed my love, I could find
victory, if I was forced to marry some one else…what would happen to
you. How can I afford seeing tears in the eyes of the person whom I
loved most?
Each and every time you asked me for my love I refused to tell that I
will never love you. I didn’t talk with you as I needed you to be apart
from me, and find a pure and dedicated love. But if you knew how much I
loved you and that I rejected you because of the enormous love I had…no
you will never know it. As you have told me I am your first
love…Remember your first choice was perfectly correct even though you
don’t know how much I love you.
You waited about a year for me. Then you started going after other
girls. May be to hurt me. It is OK if you can make your mind up. I don’t
think that I will ever marry as a result of a love affair. Because I
don’t think that I will never be able to love anyone as I’ve loved you.
Now you never even talk with me. I feel that I am the most unlucky girl
to loose the love of my life. You talk with my friends without so much
as a smile at me. Each and every time you pass me looking away I feel my
heart break. At last I feel that I don’t need to make you mine. What I
need is your happiness and success. You are my first and last love.
- Annonimous
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