 I know this lawyer
A small town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a
grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones,
do you know me?”
 She responded, “Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since
you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs.
“You think you’re a rising big shot when you haven’t the brains to
realise you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you”.
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across
the room and asked, “Mrs. Williams, do you know the defence attorney?”
She again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,
too, has been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, bigoted, he has a
drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I
know him.”
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called
both counsellors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with
menace, “If either of you asks her if she knows me, you’ll be in jail
within 3 minutes!”
Run
 I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of
adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very
nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient
person so I enjoy their successes.
However, I must share the following:
After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to
type, “R”, “U”, “N” and press return to see the program execute.
A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention,
and the person attached to the hand said, “I did what you said and it
didn’t work”. Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing
at the computer, I suggested she retype “R”, “U”, “N” and press return.
A few seconds later, the lady’s hand goes up again. “It still doesn’t
work”, she said.
So... I went back to see what the problem was... only to find that
instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN!
Radio conversation
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation
between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of
Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the
Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a
collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a
collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR
course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF
THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call. |
