Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I'm a 14-year-old student. Last year, a new girl came to my class and
we became friends instantly. She even became friends with my friends
which I didn't mind at all. However, recently I felt as if she was
trying to break the friendship I had with one of my friends (let's call
her Nikki).
 My friends also felt the same thing. She is rather emotional as her
mother died last year so I don't want to hurt her feelings by telling
her to stop being friends but I can't let her break the friendship with
Nikki. Please help.
- Lost
Dear Lost,
It's nice of you to befriend this new girl at your school, especially
when she was new to the school and lost her mum. At the same time, I can
understand your displeasure you all feel that she's trying to break up
your friendship with this girl Nikki. First of all, it's important for
you to find out why she feels that Nikki should be her friend and not be
friends with you.
Find out if she has some personal connection with Nikki, or if she
wants Nikki to be her friend only (since you say that this girl's mum
died and maybe she wants a bit of attention).
Whatever the reason, it's better if you could have a friendly chat
over the matter with your friend and sort things out, rather than wait
for things to get out of hand and lead to a dispute or ill feeling among
the group. Also it's very normal to have these kinds of issues during
school days, so just take it easy!
Dear Erica,
I am a 22-year-old Muslim girl. My parents care a lot about me and do
their best to provide me with everything I need and I too do whatever
they tell me. So it's not a surprise that they want me to get married to
a Muslim guy.
However, I'm secretly having an affair with a Catholic guy who cares
about me and loves me very much. We both don't want to hurt our parents
and we are worried that they will never accept our relationship.
Can't we be successful in our lives if we get married from different
religions? I'm frustrated about this because love is not all about
having the same religion. I still listen to my parents but I'm still not
in a position to hurt them but then again, I can't forget my love too.
- Helpless
Dear Helpless,
I appreciate the fact that you both are very attached to your
families and try to take decisions with their consent. It depends on
each person's view on religion and when it becomes a barrier in
relationships.
It's important that we keep our faith within us without growing
apart. As long as you respect, accept and understand each others'
religions, I don't think it will be a disadvantage to your success in
marriage life. If you're sure about your love and if you both are
thinking ahead of a long term relationship, then I think you should
start by telling your parents.
I know this is the hardest part to do but that is also the first step
that you should take. I know that the first thing that will come out of
your parents would be a big 'No'. But you've got to be patient, express
your wishes to your parents and convince them. Don't be too hard on them
or argue with them.
On the long run you will have to make your parents meet up with your
boyfriend and vice-versa in order to get to know each other. Your
biggest challenge is your families; they will get involved, opposing
ideas and opinions will come. So you will both need to be prepared and
be patient. Good luck!
Dear Erica,
 I'm in the midst of studying for my O/L and I have to face it next
year. Though, I still don't feel the pressure of the exam. I mean, I
never feel like studying and even though I take a book to read, the next
moment my mind is distracted. I think I'm addicted to Facebook because
I'm friends with many people and it keeps me occupied. Though, if I'm
not online, my mind wanders there thinking about it. Please advise.
- The Addict
Dear Addict,
It's a common problem these days for most youngsters to be glued to
their computer and surfing the internet daily. I don't say it is wrong
but you have to also make it a point to adhere to your priorities in
life. Your O/L is a biggest foundation that you're laying for your life
and career.
It's not easy for you to simply get out of the internet within a day
or two. I know that Facebook is all fun and excitement but Facebook can
wait for one year right?
If you have withdrawal symptoms, it's best to delete your account for
sometime until you finish your exams. If you can't get yourself to do it
right away, start by deleting all the applications on FB and stop
joining new applications or accepting unknown friend requests.
Apply a particular time of the day to browse internet and reserve
your study time strictly for study purposes only. When you're browsing
internet try reading some academic topics as well.
This way your browsing time can be used for study time. If you have
your computer in your room, try moving it somewhere else in order to
avoid running into it during study time. Well, better be serious about
your studies and at the same time don't be stressed about it.
You might want to have group study sessions, write down short notes
on subjects and chose a comfortable environment and prepare a timetable
for the day to start with. It will pay off at the end so think about
that. Good luck!
Dear Erica,
 I am nearly 30 years old and I lost my husband 9 years ago. Since
then, I've received plenty of proposals but I didn't like any of them.
After 8 years, I got a proposal from a divorced person and we started an
affair, of which my relatives were aware about.
Initially he was very keen and we communicated through skype and sms.
After some time, he began to change by losing his temper for every
little thing. He even went to the extent of restricting our
communication and blaming me for unknown reasons.
Suddenly when the date was fixed for our marriage, he came up with
numerous excuses saying that he wanted to get to know me better and also
made a lot of false accusations against me.
I feel that if I marry this guy I will face a lot of issues in the
future and I feel he doesn't love me or care for in a real way. I've
made up my mind not to marry him. Is my decision correct?
- Decisive
Dear Decisive,
You've gone through your share of pain and grief in your life at a
very young age and it is right for you to choose a new life. After the
many things that you state in your email (which was cut short on your
request) regarding this person, I feel that he has not recovered from
his divorce and other failed relationships. And since he has shown
constant changes in his attitude and behaviour towards you, I believe
that your decision is wise and best for your future.
At this point of your life, you need a man who is not unsympathetic
or judgemental of your past life but who accepts and respects you as you
are, a person who will understand what you are going through and a
person who will be able to adjust himself with you so that you both are
comfortable with each other.
I know you may feel that this kind of person is hard to find but then
it's worth the stay than having a major disappointment in life again.
Don't regret any decisions that you've made, you've got every right to
say 'yes' and 'no' regarding the decisions of your life. I'm sure that
when the time comes you will find a wonderful person to share your life
with.
All the best!
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