Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I’m 16 and I used to have a best friend of the same age. We were
friends for five years until suddenly his former best friend came along.
He was jealous about our friendship and said that he will break it. A
few days later when I went to speak to my best friend he wasn’t friednly
anymore. I called him several times but he didn’t answer my calls. I
honestly believe his jealous friend actually broke our friendship. I
think I’ll never get such a best friend like him and I’m been worrying a
lot.Please give me a solution!
- Best friend
Dear Best Friend,
It’s difficult when a five year old friendship comes to a standstill
within a few days. On the other hand, if your friendship was strong
enough why should your friend give in so easily to this other person?
It’s true that once upon a time they were best of friends and knew a lot
about each other. Maybe your friend has some issues that he needs to
deal with himself, or something that he can’t tell you or maybe this
other person has an easy influence on him.
Whatever the reasons maybe, there’s no point in sitting and worrying
about the whole issue. At this age, it’s very normal to have this kind
of issues amongst friends. The first thing you should do is give him
some space and time to sort out his problems and then have a talk about
the whole situation. And if he truly values and respects what you both
had, I think you can get back to being best friends. Hope everything
works out.
Dear Erica,
Since I will be sitting for my O/L next year I should be doing a lot
of studying. I am at the top of my class and I am actually very good in
my studies. But the problem is that I start studying when the term test
is near and I really can’t study on a daily basis. I find this very
frustrating because my friends who are in other classes really study the
daily work. And I can’t stick to my time tables because I tend to watch
TV or indulge in something else. Please give me a solution to this
problem and also what do you think I should do to become a prefect in
our school?
- Brilliant
Dear Brilliant,
Every student has their own way of studying. Some need to go through
their books on a daily basis while others grasp every bit of the subject
during lectures. Since you have good grades and excel in your class, I
think you need not have unnecessary worries or doubts regarding your
studies. First of all, choose a suitable environment where you’re
comfortable in studying without other disturbances.
Try to do some past papers, write down some short notes and at least
have a two hour study time per day. In order to become a prefect, you
need to check out the selection criteria that your school follows. Also
you need to develop certain attributes such as leadership, self
discipline and more qualities and you need to express your willingness
and commitment to your school authorities. Stop taking these things too
seriously and concentrate on the present. With proper focus and time,
you will achieve what you need. All the best!
Dear Erica,
I’m a 17 year-old girl and I have a relationship with a good guy.
Everything about him is perfect. Ever since he was a kid, he didn’t have
many friends. It was when he was 14 years that he started having friends
and most of them were the richest and the coolest kids in school.
He didn’t have much to be a cool kid and to become famous, he started
telling lies about his history and adventures. But for the past months
I’m getting this feeling that this is too much and it is time for him to
stop telling lies. I don’t mind it at all because it doesn’t hurt me in
any way and no matter what he says; he has got a huge kind innocent
childish heart. I do appreciate the fact that he doesn’t lie to me but
now his friends also know that he is lying and I want to stop this
without telling him or hurting his feelings. I don’t want to break his
heart!
-Helpless
Dear Helpless,
As you mentioned in your long email which I have cut short, I too
think that he lies in order to attract attention from his peer group and
thereby he can get rid of his insecurities and have an identity in the
group.
But in the long run, this becomes a habit and can lead to bad
consequences. As much as you love him and don’t want to hurt him, it
does not necessary mean that you need to lie with him even though he
tells you the truth. On the other hand, you’re encouraging him to lie
more. As a first step you need to put a stop to the encouragement that
you give him.
All this time you have acted as a backup for him and when you stop
doing so he may feel that he doesn’t have that support anymore, which in
return may show some improvement in what you’re trying to do.
Try to avoid (as much as possible) circumstances that would push him
to lie. Sooner or later you might want to have a chat with him and
convince him that he needs to take responsibility for his lies and admit
them at least to himself. If he’s the kind of person who trusts you, he
might want to talk to you about his problem and you should make yourself
accountable to him in order to get rid of this habit. Just be there for
him and help him through. Good luck!
Erica’s Quote of the Week
‘Motherly love is the fuel that enables a
normal human being to do the impossible’. - Marion C. Garretty |
