Keep temper tantrums under control

Temper is a State of the mind - angry or calm. When you are in a good mood you are cheerful. When you are in a bad mood you are angry.

Sometimes, when you do not get somebody’s attention or when you are insulted, your tempers rise. Human beings are so complex that some of them keep their cool while others flare up at the slightest provocation.

Society is full of bosses shouting at their subordinates, husbands berating their wives and bus conductors yelling at passengers. Most of them do not realise that they make things worse by losing their tempers. Sometimes, they lead to breaking friendships and even marriages. What is more, you feel an impulse to respond physically. So, we hear of murders committed under sudden and grave provocation.

You are quite familiar with what happens to your body when you lose your temper. First, you might notice the presence of anger as a niggling sense of frustration. If you allow this sensation to grow, it will begin to swell.

Then your body becomes rigid and you feel an irresistible sensation to attack your enemy either verbally or physically. If you do not control you temper, your anger will reach its peak and create havoc.

Anyone can get angry over something very easily. Psychologists say that anger is a completely normal human emotion serving an important survival function. In other words, when you are angry you communicate to yourself and others that there is something wrong somewhere. If you do not control your anger, it will definitely create all sorts of problems.

When you are overwhelmed by negative emotions such as anger, there is an early warning system. At this stage you can take appropriate action to control the flow of negative energy. Psychologists call this “emotional mindfulness” that brings greater calmness to intense situation. If you are gifted with this, it is easier to get rid of difficult situations.

Unfortunately, most of us do not possess this rare quality. As a result, we fail to settle disputes without coming to blows with our fellowmen. Unknown to many of us, we have the knowledge to do right thing in certain situations. But when we are faced with a tense situation we fail to look for it.

As you are not taught how to deal with your temper in the classroom, you learn it from your parents and teachers. When parents lose their temper, they punish children physically only to regret later.

Fathers are more to be blamed than mothers on this count. Children are great imitators. They see how their father shouts at the mother. Some teachers too lose their temper when teaching children. In the adult world they meet certain bosses who fly off the handle.

Meanwhile, there are many employees who have lost their jobs simply because they had lost control of themselves. So, you have to make an effort to manage negative emotions.

You are conscious of the need to control your temper rather than letting it control you. You are also aware of the fact that managing anger can benefit you and others. Therefore, you have to express your anger in an assertive and controlled manner. When you control your temper, you will feel better and everybody else will begin to like you.

The myth that you should give vent to your negative emotions, such as anger has been exploded by psychologists. I have seen certain men and women beating their chests to give vent to their negative emotions.

In reality, the loss of temper will make you unhappy and distressed. Therefore, you should learn the art of expressing your angry feelings in an assertive but in a diplomatic way without hurting the feelings of others.

There are many situations in which you cannot win all the time. You must accept defeat at times. If you learn the art of getting what you want in a win-win situation, half the battle is over. Learn from history how great leaders handled tense situations without losing their temper.

Keeping cool in tense situations is a rare quality that can be cultivated and developed. The life stories of the Buddha, Jesus Christ and Socrates show how they lived, enlightened lives without getting angry over trivia. IfF you are cool-headed by birth, there is nothing to worry. However, if you tend to lose your temper at the drop of a hat, then you need to pay attention to this weakness.

Controlling your temper will bring you many unexpected rewards. For instance, when you are cool-headed, you will be making more friends than enemies. When you keep your mind under control, you can make better decisions.

The decisions you make when you are in an angry mood can turn out to be disastrous. While trying to control your temper you should not turn it inward because that may cause some health problems. The best course of action is to give vent to your negative emotions assertively, but not in a violent way.