Agni Chakra

(Chapter 18)

(Circles of Fire)

by Kathleen JAYAWARDANE

Translated by Ranga Chandrarathne and Edited

by Indeewara Thilakarathne

I carefully browsed the internet. The topic of my lecture scheduled to be held at the Public Library's auditorium was "Realistic novel and imaginative novel". It was because of this lecture I read with interest the interview of Joyce Carole with a famous American critic.

Am I really knowledgeable enough to be considered by the academic community and the readers as an intellectual who has a through grasp of modern literary trends and who is aware of novel literary genres? Sometimes I doubt it.

Have I got enough time to study this vast area? My activities have spread over like tentacles of an octopus. On the left of the writing table was a rough draft of a lecture to be delivered at a conference on Saturday morning at the Foundation Institute. Its topic was 'The modern market economy'. Is it because that I changed my Marxist stance and became a liberal and interpreted the material existence in this manner which I earlier called 'Capitalism'? I am busy with activities of the University, Gimhana Asapuwa and the Non-Governmental Organisation 'Bridge' and others and the internet is a tool which helps identify contours of novel literary theories though it would not help much in exploring them.

I know it is easy to discuss 'Postmodernism' crossing over the bridge of 'modernism'. I have often said in lectures on Postmodernism although it evolved from modernity, it has completely discarded some features of it and added new ones. Therefore, I should not repeat it tomorrow. The vocabulary of Jacques Derrida would be useful at discussions on Structuralism, Post Structuralism and Post Colonialism. Derrida's theory of 'Deconstruction' has become a mode for the modern youth who always tries to supersede the tradition. A considerable space has been created in the youth for 'Deconstruction' due to their reluctance to learn language and grammar or due to their ignorance. But what I have learned from a recently published interview with Derrida was that he had not been anti-tradition or one who did not love the tradition. "All one will finally have to do to be able to deconstruct… is to do memory work" said Derrida stressing that one should master old tradition before learning Deconstruction.

Though the 'Structuralism' has been praised analysing prototype characters, modern fiction will not be able to stir my imagination as Leo Tolstoy's novels or Chekov's short stories. Though they were written a century ago, I could not see the beacon of light that they shed on future in the modern day writers' work. I could not grasp the genuineness, emotiveness and the novelty in them, in new literature. Why shouldn't I point them out to students and readers?

The telephone rang breaking my dream. Though I took up the receiver, I was not quick to say 'hallow'.

"Who is on the phone? Is it the professor?"

"Yes"

"Professor… how is Piyumika?"

I became furious. Why should I explain to this young rowdy that by now I have only teacher-student relationship with Piyumika?

"What do you want? "

I could hear the ear splitting mad and sarcastic laughter.

"You cannot give me what I want professor, because you have already taken it for yourself!"

I put down the telephone. I plunged onto a chair and expressed my anger in panting. Among the numerous Cultural Institutions and their publications I reminded myself of the monthly periodical 'Niruwatha' published by an NGO. This youngster who is a co-editor of 'Niruwatha' must have been interested in Piyumika. He was in the forefront of the youth who believed that they had a right to change the direction and fate of contemporary literary field. But he should be a weak person who could not challenge me on the ideological front and try to pressurise me abusing Piyumika. On the other hand, I consider this an adverse consequence of the short relationship I had with Piyumika.I knew for sure that I did not unduly favour Piyumika. How intense were my feelings towards Amritha who showed me boundless kindness?

It is Amritha who prompted me to whether there are Ajaniya mares as Ajaneya horses. She, once again, reminded me that there could be great women.

Great woman..?...A highly pedigreed mare?

I was forced to shut up the stable. But the highly pedigreed mare has not left; is not ready to leave.

Is it because of that I want to read 'A love story of an old man' again? Is it the very reason that reminds me of 'Samaranayake'? Samaranayake who is a fictitious character becomes a live only in K.Jayathilaka's book, 'A Love Story of an Old Man'. I read ninety six pages of the novel before I browsed the internet. From time to time, I was reminded of some parts of the novel while I was drafting the lecture.

I read three times the passage which described the predicament of Samaranayake when he spent a night in a room with the teenage girl Wimala at a circuit bungalow in Yala Sanctuary. According to the story, Samaranayake was fifty years. Did he become lazy just at the middle age because his mind was weaker than his body? As I am passing sixty, I consider fifty not so old age. One, who is in eighties, would consider sixty not so old.

Then I reminded of the Sinhalese translation of Garcia Marquez's "Love in the time of Cholera". Florentino Ariza and Fermina Daza waited fifty three year and three months and eleven days to spend a night together in a room in a ship in the mid sea.

That was into seven decades of their lives. Didn't they who inquired of smell of rose and drank spirit, enjoy that night? Didn't they understand that life is less limited than the death? Why should I now become a god who was about to leave the heaven?

I thought why men should age and decay. The tragedy is not the life that ends in death but that which is being destroyed by aging. Is there a world even in outer space where people would not decay and age until they die? Suddenly I was reminded of a passage from a book I borrowed from Ratnaweera. The book was "Cultural Traits in Tripitakaya" and it gave an elaborate account of sex in diverse plains of heavens:

"Beings in the hell do not have sexual gratification…the gods in the four main plains satisfy their sexual gratification by meditation, embracing, touching, smiling and by sight. "

I thought that this confusion would not be created if such a situation existed in the world. Is it because of this that men should be longing to be born in heaven if there are heavens at all?

I closed my eyes enjoying the pleasant feelings that arose in me for Amritha. I don't hesitate, at all, to say that Amrita has stirred powerful impulses in my heart. I consider her the rarest woman I have ever encountered in my life. She is the only woman who has taught me a lesson in life although she behaves intimately and on friendly terms. It is from Amrita that I learnt there can be a childish face and mature mind in the same body.

Amrita is an industrious woman who expresses her views eloquently on different things. University students including Kanchana addressed her with a nickname which has a meaning similar to that of a nun. Could the nickname have been due to her native village or her birth? Has the octopus which determines Sri Lankan politics on provincialism, casteism, spread its tentacles into the university system? I could remember Kanchana who entered the university from Higurakgoda was subjected to bullying and humiliation at the hand of senior students. I did not know how Kanchana later became a leader among the students who bullied him as "Alaya" looking at his tight denim. Is it because he is an intelligent guy? Amrita also stands out in her intelligence. But there is a difference in that. Amrita is unconventional and therefore students see her as a nun. Her familiar white blouse may have been the basis for her nickname. It is only because of her stripped or dotted chintz skirts that I concluded that she was a girl from the village. Her behaviour or speech does not betray rural-ness.

"Sir, can I have a word with you? ", one day Amrita said when I was alone.

"What's it?"

"Sir, this is a kind of a warning"

I deliberately smiled though a shimmer of pain ran through me.

"Has anybody threatened you in connection with Piyumika?"

Though I should have said "No, who says? ", I said "Some mad fellow. Who cares a mad man's warning?"

"Sir, you should be more concerned about mad fellow's utterance", she said after thinking a while.

"Why is that? "

"There is a greater risk."

"I know this donkey", I said instantly.

"I know him. He is a tough nut."

"Tell him to fly a kite ", I said still fuming with anger.

"He accuses me of being an agent of Post-modernism in Sri Lanka", I said so as to conceal his real charge. I became angry with a justifiable cause.

"But, how can he threaten me?" I said again in anger.

"Don't think in that light", Amrita said after while.

"Thanks to technology, any dirty fly can gun down a mighty elephant! Therefore, these days, no one can afford not to be afraid of anyone. I am afraid of you".

I began to wipe the spectacles as I did not have any reasons to oppose her.

"How many might have been fallen down during the past? Therefore, I think we cannot boast…?

"Amrita, don't you know that barking dogs do not bite...." I laughed.

"Sir, there are dogs that bite while barking", she said after contemplating a while.

I still could not figure out why Amrita liked me. But I knew for sure that her intimacy was not intended to obtain a 'class' in the university. Therefore, I was careful not to rush into an affaire unlike in the other relationships with girls in the university. I thought why I should be more mindful before Amrita.

But it automatically happened. Is it a system of organs in me which demanded such intense awareness before her? I could not tell her "I love you" or even "I like you" in her presence. I know that would be the first step towards pulling us apart.

I often experienced that love became a disease after it being declared. It is not because she is less attractive that I refrain from taking her hand or embracing her. I consider Amrita like a mermaid who would turn into gold and then into stone as soon as one touches her. But when she was with me, I felt something strange communicated between us. This mental condition which is beyond words cannot be described.

As Ratnaweera says, is it a trait inherited from the previous existences?

Footnote

'Niruwatha'- (Naked) a monthly periodical published by an NGO.

'Alaya'- A university student who is aloft from the rest.