Dear Erica
Dear Erica,
I’m a 26-year-old girl. I got married six months ago through a
proposal and had to give up my job because my husband’s family requested
me to do so. I was already aware that my husband was involved with
another woman who works in his office before our marriage but his family
strongly objected to this affair and he said that he broke up with this
woman.
 My problem is that my husband sometimes comes home very late and
still keeps on chatting with this woman over the phone. I became
suspicious of his acts and checked his mobile once only to find that
they had been exchanging short messages. I was shocked and now regret
getting married. I had to sacrifice a lot because of this marriage and
when I found what my husband was doing it just tore me apart. But I
can’t make this a big issue since my husband treats me well and shows no
difference. How can I solve this problem? Please help.
- Sad Wife
Dear Sad Wife,
I’m sure you must be feeling very upset over this matter especially
when you’re newly married and built your dreams and hopes around this
marriage. Now that you’re sure that your husband is still having an
affair with this woman, you need to act cautious and be patient. Rather
than getting yourself involved in long and tiring discussions, nagging
and whining could lead to fights and would ruin your marriage.
This could even make your husband more attached to that woman. You
should start using a reverse technique and a less pressurising way. No
matter how sad, angry and frustrated you would feel within you, don’t
show it to your husband. Get to know him well! His favourite food,
interests, dislikes and places.
Suggest things that you could do together. Compliment him, do sweet
little things that would catch his attention, talk to him about matters
that interest him. The more you’re fun to be with and the more he gets
drawn to your personality and attractiveness the less he would want to
spend time with that woman.
Don’t expect your husband to just leave his girlfriend and come
running at your feet overnight. You have to be patient and keep doing
what you’re doing. Time will surely show good results and pave way for a
happy marriage.
Good luck!
Dear Erica,
I’m 65-year-old lady who lives a peaceful life. Recently, my
neighbour has been coming up with all sorts of complaints regarding an
illegal encroachment, which I was genuinely not aware of for the past 12
years. I have tried to settle this through negotiation and was willing
to compensate for any damages but with no positive outcome. My problem
is that the illegal structure that crosses my neighbour’s border is a
small space and it’s impossible to break down the structure. I also feel
that it will do damage to the existing house. The neighbour too will not
gain much through this. I feel tired and I’m not in a position to face
major land disputes at this point of my life. What can I do? Please
advise.
 - Good Neighbour
Dear Good Neighbour,
It’s true that it must be hard for you to be in the middle of a big
issue after all these years of peace. And it’s not easy to live in the
midst of chaos, especially when your neighbour is not on good terms with
you. Since you have attempted to talk to your neighbour and offered a
reasonable settlement which hasn’t been productive, I believe you have
to bring in a mediator to talk to your neighbour to settle your dispute
in an amicable way.
In the meantime, you should seek advice of relevant authorities and
legal persons regarding your issues. Take notes and keep a diary on all
incidents that happen during this period. Contact your family members
and close friends as they might not only be able to mutually support you
during this difficult time but also help you find relevant people and
solutions to your problem. Another effective method of communication
would be writing a letter to your neighbour stating your conditions on
what you are willing to settle for.
These too should be done through a professional whom you would need
to provide a history of your land issues and its documents. Things may
even escalate to the level where you might be required to go to court
but even with this, you might be able to convince and make yourself
clear in what you have to offer. Whatever you do, seek professional help
and be strong. Don’t get upset and don’t lose your calm as it will
affect your mental as well as physical wellbeing. Hope things will work
out well and you will find your peace at your lovely home.
Erica’s Poll (please email [email protected]):
What do you believe in life?
0 Life is what you make out of it
0 Life is determined by destiny and luck
0 God who leads your life
0 Life is a journey with a mix of everything
Erica’s Quote of the Week:
“We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the
responsibility for our future”.
- George Bernard Shaw |
