Happiness is not the absence of sadness

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is that the only place they ever needed to search was within.

- Ramona L. Anderson

Happiness can mean many things to many people. At different stages in one’s life, diverse reasons can be the cause of one’s happiness. What made us happy when we were toddlers will not necessarily make us happy when we are teenagers. The things that made us happy in our youth will not suffice to make us happy in our mid years. Happiness is a mental state of well-being characterised by positive emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Hence, happiness may be the label for a family of related emotional states, such as joy, amusement, satisfaction, gratification, euphoria, and triumph. Happiness is not the absence of sadness, happiness is joy.

Happiness is not the absence of pain, it is pleasure. Happiness, as a concept, is not defined by what it isn’t, but by what it is. Many people go looking for happiness as though it is something ready-made. They go to temples and seek complicated philosophy; indulge in artificial activities; search in every nook and corner; without realising that our own brain, our own heart is our temple; and the philosophy is kindness. They know not that happiness comes from ones own actions. Love, compassion and forgiveness are the birth place of happiness. The important thing is that they should be a part of our daily life.

It is our lifestyle which determines our state of happiness. The paradoxes of our times are such that we have learned how to make a living, but not a life; added years to life but not life to years. We are more learned, but have less common sense. Our knowledge is greater, but judgement less. We have more experts and advisors, yet more problems. We have more medicines, but less wellness. We have more kinds of food, but less nutrition. We have increased our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, lie too often, and love too little. Our buildings are taller, but our tempers shorter. Our roads are wider, but our viewpoints are narrower.

We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy it less. Man has conquered outer space, but not his inner space. He has visited the moon, but not his neighbour. He has split the atom, but not shed his prejudices. We read more, but learn less; plan more, but accomplish less. We have learned to rush, but not to wait. Our incomes are higher, but our morals are lower. We have fancier houses, but broken homes. We have more leisure, but less fun. The list is endless. Until we learn to think, say, and do things in harmony; happiness will evade us.

M. K. Gandhi or ‘Mahatma’ as he is popularly called, needs no introduction. He is my hero. He has taught me the meaning of strength and courage. I learned from him that if you follow the path of truth; you have nothing to fear. Truth and love are the two invincible powers of the Universe.

He also taught me that selflessness is fearlessness. A person not focused on the self, has nothing to fear. Though all of us strive for happiness, it still eludes us. Gandhi was, once, challenged by a journalist to reveal the secret of happiness.

He expressed it in three words - “Renounce and enjoy”. In mathematical terms he gave the following equation: H = R/N. H stands for happiness, R for resources at your command and N for needs. The lesser the needs, the happiness quotient keeps increasing. It is all about what we need to make us happy. Of course, this was not his original thought. He took it from a verse in the Hindu scripture – the Geetha.

We all have needs of survival, and we all need some basics for living: like food, shelter and clothes. Hence, needs are something all must have. There is enough in this world to satisfy the needs of everyone. In contrast, wants are something that one would like to have. They are not necessary for living, but give us pleasure and comforts at the physical or mental level.

The problem starts when we strive for things beyond our needs. The desires and wants are never ending, and we are caught in the endless process of trying to amass as much as we can. We all have desires and there is no way we can escape. If your desires are directed to the self, they are bound to make you miserable, but if they are directed to help others, they will enrich your life, and you can have as many desires as you choose. The second most important thing about desires is – don’t get attached to the outcome.

If they get fulfilled it is good, if not it is still very good. There is a right time for everything in life. Just go with the flow.Said the Buddha: “Tame the mind. This is the greatest challenge before you. It rushes here and there, swifter than the wind, more slippery than water. If you can arrest the flights of the mind to your will, happiness will be assured to you.

The wise man takes great care to guard his thoughts. They are very subtle, very difficult to perceive and slip out of control at the tinniest opportunity. A well-guarded mind brings happiness. We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.In order to enjoy good health; to bring true happiness to one’s family; to bring peace to all; one must first discipline and control one’s own mind.

If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him”.There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

See you this day next week. Until then, keep thinking, keep laughing. Life is mostly about these two activities.

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