Introspection, the key to self-esteem

Most of us have favourable or unfavourable perceptions of ourselves. If you claim that you have no such perceptions, then you are either sub-human or superhuman!

We have found a new term to identify the harmony that seems to exist between our perceptions and ourselves. That is self-esteem. In developed and developing countries self-esteem has become the latest buzzword especially in the corporate sector. If the employees are always baying for their pound of flesh without discharging their duties, there cannot be an iota of self-esteem among them.

For some enterprising businessmen self-esteem has become a money spinner. They advertise and conduct mostly one-day courses designed to develop personality to a desired level. The courses are conducted by eminent authors who have written best sellers. The course fees are exorbitant. However, advertisers claim that the course fee includes materials, refreshments and lunch at a five-star hotel. Even some human resource personnel have re-invented themselves on the self-esteem bandwagon.

One might wonder why we are so crazy about self-esteem in the new millennium. We never thought of it a few decades ago but everything went on smoothly without the help of self-esteem gurus. However, a new social phenomenon has come to stay and we cannot simply brush it aside. So, it is advisable to understand the implications of self-esteem in the modern context.

Exceptional skills

As enlightened citizens we should realise that self-esteem is closely related to our own self. Some of us may have exceptional skills. However, such skills alone do not bring us self-esteem. This is because there are many skilled people who do not have self-esteem. For instance, an eminent lawyer may not have any self-esteem outside courts. Sometimes he might be an utter failure in his family life. At another level, a leading politician who waxes eloquent on many subjects may not know how to behave as a responsible citizen. Such people do not have self-esteem.

Following personality enhancing courses and doing well in a particular field of activity will not enable anybody to achieve self-esteem. Many philosophers have written volumes on self-esteem and psychotherapists virtually make a living out of it. Therefore, the question arises whether we cannot adopt a more constructive approach to self-esteem without making ourselves victims of circumstances.

Human society is so complex that nobody can live alone without interacting with others. Even a social recluse has to depend on others for goods and services. It is in this scenario that we have to view self-esteem. Our relationship with our friends, loved ones, and providers of goods and services is the nucleus of self-esteem. If we can strengthen and stretch such relationships that can be the starting point of our training.

Self-esteem is nothing new but how we evaluate ourselves and how others estimate us. If you are a leading medical consultant, you need to have a successful family life. These two aspects have to be balanced to achieve the miraculous self-esteem. So, anybody who attempts to enhance self-esteem by following expensive courses will have to think twice.

False notion

Those holding high positions in any field should guard against henchmen who are always ready to praise them. Then they begin to think that people estimate them highly leading to the false notion that they enjoy self-esteem. As one wag put it succinctly, your self-esteem is what others say behind your back!

When anybody entertains the false notion that he is respected by society, he begins to equate the situation: "They think I am brilliant, therefore I am." No doubt, when we were children our parents and elders praised us even when our performances were below standard. Sometimes, children try to do better when they are praised. However, such praises have a negative effect on adults. When we falsely praise adults they take it as an ego-booster.

As we grow old, we become conscious of what we think of and how we value our own "self" as well. When our perception of ourselves run counter to what others say, we become unhappy, restless and agitated. This is a dangerous situation anybody can fall into. For instance, a person who is not recognised by others will try to draw the attention of others by resorting to underhand activities. He will talk loudly, criticise others and make his presence felt.

Introspection

Whenever we find ourselves not recognised by others, we need to exercise a little bit of introspection. If others keep away from us and do not wish to have any relationship, there is something radically wrong with us. Through introspection we will understand why there is a social gap between us and others. When we do this regularly, we put ourselves in a position to be in touch with our own selves and add value to them.

Self-esteem is a complex concept. Self-opinionated people who claim to know everything will never enjoy self-esteem. If we really wish to achieve self-esteem, we must be prepared to go through a long and arduous process of introspection. The more conscious we are about pursuing our self-esteem, we are more likely to enhance it. The very fact that we are talking about it shows that we are on the right track.

As one Greek philosopher put it, Cogito ergo sum (I think therefore I am). If you know who you are, your self-esteem will look after itself!