Musings:  

Hello, this is SLBC of the early '50s

by Padma Edirisinghe

Sorry. It could be the early '50s or mid '50s, but '50s it certainly was when the SLBC was spreading its tentacles around the little island. We a middle class family had just purchased our radio set and it took a few more weeks for the electric installations.

So one fine morning, the family, that is my parents and siblings and myself sat in a semicircle for the first wondrous viewing.

"Good morning," greeted the announcer grinning like one of our "tailed" progenitors, "We are just about to commence..."

But the poor man was rudely disturbed by my father, a retired school head and a stickler to protocol. To everybody's consternation he had got up promptly to counter-greet the man from Colombo, some 25 miles away.

"Good morning to you too, my dear announcer."

We, the brethren and myself, including two or three possible University entrants, just stared aghast while mother, far from the typical Asiatic female and ever ready to show a militant front, almost frothed with these words.

"Are you going mad? Even a mud sodden farmer will not behave this idiotic way."

"You and I descend from them and besides that, it is nothing but courtesy to deliver counter greetings. Poor man, so far away in the capital and all alone."

"This is complete idiocy," announced father's soul mate (though far from that) and went on to raise a practical query.

"Do you think he heard your greeting hidden behind all that?"

"That hardly matters. What matters in that I have done my duty after investing a whole heap on this venture".

Garrulous

I think he omitted to mention, that now that he had been financially so extravagant, that he had all the right to be foolishly theatrical.

That drama was enacted around 7 am. in far off days and I cannot remember whether it was ever repeated but this drama took place a few weeks later in that same period around 2.00 pm. when I was alone in the house. I had switched on the Children's channel and was amazed to hear somebody go garrulous at the other end about an oncoming monster.

"Dear children, I surmise that this fellow came across the ocean and landed on our shores. Just now he is turning in from Inguru Kadey junction, the huge chains following him making an eerie sound".

I wished that my dad or apochcha was there with me to greet him in a fit of social camaraderie and throw questions at him.

But unfortunately he was at the village temple with my ma taking part in a Village Development Society meeting. It was rumoured in the village that the two used to squabble frequently with each other on the priorities in the development in the village and that the good monk had to often intervene.

Sovereign

The beast was now crossing the bridge spanning the Kelani. Really, somebody should write a book on the many bridges that span this river for there are so many.

The most picturesque is the Victoria bridge named so in honour of the queen by the same name. They drew her plump figures to embellish temple murals and today she stands in many a temple in the South ensconced amidst these rubbing shoulders with well known figures in ancient Indian literature as Madri Devi and Yasodhara.

Now, announced the man, the monster is coming along the Victoria bridge and eschewing the sea fringed road towards Chilaw turns left and turns towards Kadawatha, that once was the gateway to the district of Colombo. In fact Kadawatha means a Boundary and there are many Kadawathas in the island, SLBC informs.

I am just giving the itinerary outlined by SLBC along with famous landmarks and other details.

"Children, have you seen the stables where horses rested as they drew mail coaches towards the hill country? The monster too seems to do just that and he really needs a rest for his massive body. Kids, you have to see him to believe him. His tongue hangs out, red as the reddest shoe flower and his claws look as if they are about to tear you apart.

Detours

Just now he is gasping for breath as he heads towards Veyangoda. He does not take detours, so he avoids Gampaha or Heneratgoda of old and comes straight". SLBC stops at that now.

May all the gods protect me, I pray and even the mono God, the single God coming down from Hebrew time I have begun to love in the college I studied. I am now used to putting them all in one basket and venerating them.

If all of them volunteered to answer my prayers, I am sure the monster would not turn to the left of Nittambuwa junction and proceed to my abode. But I cannot stop my beating heart.

The fellow would tear me to pieces and eat me alive. Not that it has done that so far but that is because the kind broadcaster advised people to keep off the roads and hide in their house, but you never can never vouch for the unpredictability of fate.

I hear footsteps and my heart beats fast, but it is only one of my brothers. I feel so happy.

"Just listen, Malli," I say and he obeys.

"This is all rot," he shouts. "People should not make use of public devices to frighten listeners. If somebody afflicted with a weak heart had listened to this, he or she is sure to die through fright. Akka. Switch it off".

I do. I must mention that, that brother of mine is today a renowned doctor in the island.

Hello! This is SLBC and no more frightful tales in children's channels. But just watch what's happening now. It is all horror and nothing else.