A Primer on 'Mansplaining'

AKA when men don't value your opinion:

by Amber Gordon

Mansplaining is a term coined and popularized recently to explain an annoyance that society (AKA women) have dealt with for practically forever. It can be traced back to an article written in 2008 called 'Men Who Explain Things To Me', which is about.. exactly what it sounds like it's about.

The informal definition of mansplaining goes something like this: The act of explaining (something) condescendingly to a female listener, especially to explain something the listener already knows, presuming that she has an inferior understanding of it because she's a woman.

So now that you know the definition, let's dive a little deeper and chat about what makes a mansplainer, what they look like, where they thrive, and what you can do to stop them.

The Anatomy of a Mansplainer

Typically a 'mansplainer' is...a man. (No surprises there.) In addition, he usually comes from privilege (i.e. upper middle class, educated) and feels entitled to 'explain' things to you as if it were his moral and ethical responsibility. But honestly, it could be anyone. It could even be you! (Please don't let it be you.)

These days it seems like 'mansplainers' thrive on the World Wide Web. "Dude, are you even listening to yourself right now?" is a thought that often crosses my mind when I see people (mostly women) falling victims to this.

Where Does a Mansplainer Thrive?

Most mansplainers tend to congregate (and aggravate) on Twitter, an open platform where anyone can have a conversation with you (unless you're private), making you highly susceptible to mansplain interactions.

A perfect example is when Casey Johnston wrote a fantastic article discussing why schools aren't providing computer science classes. She tweeted out her article along with a quote, which received a reply from someone telling her to "read the full article." It seems this mansplainer did not realize that she was the author of the article.Facebook can also be tricky territory, but since the algorithm operates so you see things you mostly like or agree with, hopefully most mansplainers will be kept out of your comments. Since Facebook is primarily used for friends and family, I want to believe you're less susceptible to mansplaining here, but you never know... that person you met once through a friend who immediately friend requested you could totally be a mansplainer in hiding.

Tumblr is mainly animage-heavy social platform known for the all-powerful reblog. It's also known for its positivity and awesome fandoms/communities! When you reblog a post, any comments you add to it are only seen by your followers, which is a great motivator to not be a jerk. It doesn't mean that mansplaining doesn't happen on here at all. But I'd like to think it's not as bad.

As for the others (Vine, Instagram, and Snapchat), I'm pretty sure mansplaining is kept to a minimum.

The All-Annoying Actually

It's a word you'll find them using often. "Actually, I think you meant to say..." or "No it's not, it's actually..." Actually, I didn't ask for you to correct me or give me your opinion on my opinion.Why do they do it you ask? I ask myself this very same thing-why or what drives people to "actually" you.

In our early childhood years, many of us were taught to separate girls' and boys' topics. Ex: boys = video games, sports, etc. Girls = fashion, beauty, general domesticity. Mansplaining seems to happen most often when a guy assumes a woman doesn't know much about a "boy" topic. "Mansplainers" almost always claim that they aren't doing anything wrong, or they think they're helping in some strange way.

Miranda, 20, noticed mansplaining almost immediately at work. "We have this machine that dispenses cake batter [at my job] and it's not super intricate, but it has about 10 parts to it. If you don't put it back together correctly, it can break. My boss's husband showed me how to use it twice. When he came in one day and I had set it up on my own, he was like, 'WOW-you actually understand this?'" The problem with the "actually" is that some men are impressed when women operate outside of their gender roles, when they should be holding their employees and co-workers accountable for the same things.

Robyn, 27, only became familiar with mansplaining after transitioning from male to female. "I used to work in music-I managed bands, did some light touring, worked for a publishing house, etc. I learned to really like Kanye. I remember telling this guy one time that I really liked the song writing and production on his latest album, and he just kind of discredited my knowledge." After the man in question offered more information than Robyn asked for (or, frankly, needed, since she already knew quite a bit about the business), she left feeling demeaned. This was something that hadn't happened to her when she presented as a man.

How to Handle It

The message is simple: Talk with me, not at me. One of the most frustrating aspects of this phenomenon is that said 'mansplainer' is in no way trying to have a meaningful conversation with you. A typical 'mansplainer' is going out of his way to correct, explain, or silence whatever it is you happen to be speaking about. I have a really hard time understanding why said person thinks it's perfectly okay to do this, when it's totally not.

Thinking back to when I was a teen, my response to a 'mansplainer' was usually either, "I know" or "Okay." As a 25-year-old, I've come to learn that no, it's really not okay. You have every right to express your thoughts without someone stomping on them and saying you can't, or it's wrong, or "Actually, what you mean is..."

If this is happening to you online, don't be afraid to use the block or ignore button. If someone is mansplaining in public, maybe ask them if they think they're "actually" helping you. Let them know that they aren't, or that you don't care about their opinions. There's nothing that mansplainers hate more than being put in their place.

(Amber Gordon is the founder of Femsplain, a community for everyone, powered by personal contributions from anyone female-identified. She lives in Brooklyn, NY, enjoys Internet culture, baking, online gaming, and in her spare time watches a lot of anime)