The untold story of war widows

by Dhaneshi Yatawara

The three-decade long war that ended in a military victory left nearly 100,000 widows, accounting for nearly 21 percent women-headed households.

-www.ipsnews.net

According to the latest survey by the Department of Census and Statistics, male-centred head-of-household concept has created multiple problems for these women-headed households in the the post-conflict era, specially war widows, in the Northern and Southern parts of the country. To listen and share these grievances they face in their day- to-day lives, a strong group of war widows, from the North and South, met last week at a special event held in Colombo.

The program organised by the Ranaviru Seva Authority and the National Christian Evangelical Alliance created a platform for these women to compare their similarities and differences. It was titled 'Voices of Strong Women' - the untold stories of war affected women in Sri Lanka.

Despite the language barrier, the women understood each other's emotions as they continued to share their unique experiences with the group.

Leading the group from the South, Sudarma Hettiarachchi of Galnewa, Anuradhapura spoke about her life as a widow with three sons, portraying the agony every widowed mother experiences.

"My story is the story of many widows of war heroes of the Sri Lanka military," said Sudharma Hettiarachchi. Becoming a widow 15 years ago, with two sons aged seven and three and being three months pregnant, had not been easy for this strong woman.

"His death shocked me. But the way his family treated me was the worst shock," said Hettiarachchi, explaining how her in-laws told her to undergo an abortion saying the unborn baby could be an 'unwanted burden'.

Sudharma, after the seventh day alms-giving had left her in-laws house with her children, a few documents and clothes.

Fortunately her mother was working in Saudi Arabia and her house was empty. Sudharma set up home there. She gave birth to a healthy baby boy a few months later. Today, she is happy over her children's success, despite the trauma they faced during their childhood.

Selvamalar of Pudukuduyirrippu, Mullaitivu spoke on behalf of all the war widows from the North.

Just like Selvamalar's husband had gone missing, there were many young and middle-aged women who had not heard about the whereabouts of their husbands for many years.

"We suffered enough under terrorists by trying to protect our children from being forcibly recruited and still continue to suffer," she said.

Resettled in her native village, Pudukuduyirippu, Selvamalar lived in temporary shelters with her son and daughter, at the risk of their lives.

Be it Sudharma or Selvamalar, each woman's experience as a head of the household,may differ significantly. Yet, the one aspect that many of them share is the double burden of being primary caregivers and breadwinners.

Today, raising herself as an iconic woman in her community Selvamar says women should not be slave.

"I tell my women friends, at least prepare a few packets of lunch and sell it in a small boutique but do not degrade your dignity," said the courageous woman, who is today the owner of a small business, manufacturing chips and Murukku. She has employed seven women including an orphan girl sent by her son who is now a pastor.

Selvamalar is a tower of strength to her aged mother in Chavakachcheri, Jaffna.

"By helping women going through a similar fate, we can overcome our sadness," Selvamalar said. Elaborating on her success story, she said that her sister, in Mannar, was also a successful business woman. Her sister's husband went missing during the war, she added.

Shantha Abhimanasingham, President's Counsel and Chairperson of the National Committee studying the problems faced by Women-Headed Households, emphasised the need to provide them more financial and technical support as the businesses these women initiate are at basic level and do not meet Government standards to protect consumers. "With the meagre financial support these women get, it is impossible to establish a business of such standards. More financial and technical support should be given" Abhimanasingham said.

Abhmanasingham explained that women-headed households, should not necessarily be categorised as war widows. "Yet women becoming widows, when thousands of people died within a few weeks or months during the war, are special cases,"she emphasised. Professor Jayantha Seneviratne, co-founder of the Centre for Peace Building and Reconciliation highlighted the need for transitional justice and to address psychological issues of widowed women. "No one exactly knows how many are living with the trauma of war. How could this be correctly understood when there is poor representation of women in the systems Governments adopt to bring transitional justice," he said.

Delivering the keynote address, veteran film director, Dharmasiri Bandaranayake said that the real tragedy is the struggle war widows undergo in a society, where sensitivity to human suffering is lost.

Upulangani Malagamuwa, Vice Chairperson of the Ranaviru Seva Authority said true reconciliation will be possible, if these groups of women join and create a harmonius atmosphere.

"As mothers, they will influence the younger generation and the next generation will live in a more peaceful environment in the future," she added.