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| Sunday, 23 June 2002 |
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by Umangi de Mel
The guy was of course angry. Blood pumping, adrenaline busting, vision clouding, thought impairing, fuming mad in fact. But did it help when he vented this emotion on his hapless car or would he have been better off bottling it up? The Oxford dictionary defines anger as "Extreme Displeasure". But listen to clinical psychologist Parvani Pinnawela and you realise there's much more to it. For starters, she says anger is an emotion that has two aspects to it.
"Clinically, `anger' can also be a symptom of an anxiety disorder, mental illness or depression," she says. Aggression can be verbal as well as physical, which results in manifestations like head banging and breaking things. "Anger can be positive and negative," Parvani continues. "When it is positive, you can work really well as you are all glued up but if it's negative, then you have a serious problem in your hands." Negative anger is a problem - * If it occurs too frequently * When it is too intense * When it lasts too long * If it leads to either verbal or physical abuse or *If it affects relationships.
However, before dealing with anger, it's important to understand that you have a problem. Feeling shy about it, is not going to help. Banish the bashfulness and come out with it, advices Parvani, and urges, "Communication is always helpful. Do not build it up. Express it, write about it and come out with it." So how do you go about doing it? * You could always talk to yourself about it, ask yourself what you really feel about the situation. * Recognise the physical symptoms, it is almost like a chain reaction- Negative thoughts - physical arousal - palpitations - (tensed up body, clenched fists, rapid shallow breathing) - temper tantrum. Once you admit you do have a problem, the next step is easy. Manage it! "We need to change thoughts and behaviour to make sure our anger is managed better," says Parvani explaining that it is necessary to recognise the external triggers that increase anger, - be it a person, situation or even days, before getting down to managing it." What about it? * How to think about your anger, * How to control arousal * How to behave constructively
"Learn to relax," says Parvani and suggests that Music and art are good stress management remedies as one exercise and long walks, which can exhaust anger. She also believes that most people who are ill-tempered lack assertiveness and says "They must increase their self-value." All in all, anger is a contradictory emotion that can be overcome with whichever way one chooses. Talk, write, have a good cry on the bathroom floor or even shout it out. Express in a positive way but, do not ever give into your anger. Be in control of your emotions and not let them take control of you. Assess yourself * Take stock of life's goals, how you spend your time, what is really important to you and to your loved ones. Concentrate on what is worth `being' rather than what is worth `having'. * Stop measuring your life in quantities. Think more in terms of quality. Free yourself of petty obligations. Forget perfection. Quit trying to be a super person. Do it only at the expense of your health, marriage and children. At home, at work, decide what it is that you and you alone must do, and delegate the other responsibilities. * Have time for yourself; to be alone. Attend a concert, visit a museum, read a book or just sit down and enjoy the rain. Slow down
* Occupy yourself whenever you might have to wait around or stand in line. Take something to read, watch the people around you, fantasise. * Don't clutter up your calendar with appointments for a narrowly specific time. * Get up 15 minutes earlier so that you don't have to start your day in a rush. * Practise being a good listener. Concentrate on what is being said instead of thinking something that is of greater interest to you. * Take a walk to relieve the tension. Talk to yourself. Prepare yourself a nice meal. Ease up * Don't waste your emotions on trivial matters such as a delayed train, malfunctioning phone booths or on a clumsy waiter or an abrupt salesperson. In most cases, you can't do anything about them anyway. * Avoid contact with people who always raise your hackles. Don't take too seriously, those you must continue to see. Stop focusing on how many people fall short of your ideals. This will only foster disappointment in and hostility towards them. * Make friends with more contemplative and relaxed person. He/she may not say much but, will listen well and serve as a model of the relaxed behaviour you seek in yourself. * Finally remember that habitual rushing and excessive hostility are the two forms of behaviour most closely associated with heart attacks. Think about what situations annoy you and call upon your intellect and sense of humour to see you through. OR, * As simple as it may sound,"count to ten" when you are stark, raving mad. It has worked for centuries. |
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| Produced by Lake House |
The
guy was obviously impatient; clenched fists, burning eyes, he kicked the
busted tyre in his car as if it were made of sponge. And he fumed while
one clenched fist landed in a heavy blow on the bonnet, not once, not
twice but quite a few times. Then he stormed out, leaving the by-stander
wondering what the heck was going on.
"Anger
can be provoked; yet sometimes, it can be unprovoked, caused by inner
thoughts."
Then,
it's about time you pushed that panic button. According to Parvani, even
though, anger is an extremely common emotion with both youngsters and
adults, it can have negative repercussions for the concerned and also for
the person who he interacts with.
Thoughts
like `Just who does he think he is, What a jerk...' need to be moderated
and modified "May be he is having a rough day.../something seems to
bother him." Thus, when you feel that somebody has not been very
polite or nice, you can save yourself from being subjected to hatred and
bitterness. Malignity is like an acid that can damage the container in
which it is stored, than the object on which it is poured.
*
Leave yourself more time than you think you will need to get somewhere or
accomplish something. Then, if you are not on time, you will have less
reason to become anxious.
