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| Sunday, 11 January 2004 |
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Root of all evil Sel Lipi by Gotabhaya Swasthi Shree! Thus says his sacred Majesty, the gracious Great King, glorious Chakravarthi, King of the Kings of Maya, Pihiti and Ruhuna, Mahoora of the Vanniala-aeththo and ruler of all lands from Yapapatuna to Sampanthota: For over half a century, there was one Chakravarthi above all Chakravarthis of this world, one ruler of all rulers, who held sway from the depths of the mighty ocean to the peak of Mount Meru. This emperor was none other than the almighty Kahapana of Amerikaawa, the silver coin that was worth a mere copper Thuttu in days of yore, but which slipped into supremacy over the Kahapana of Brithaanya (just as Subha slipped onto the Lion Throne of Yasalaalaka Tissa). It overthrew monarchs, appointed princes to the monarchy, started wars and stopped them. Now it has come to the attention of the Maha Waasala that the Kahapana of Amerikaawa is now suffering from a debilitating disease, and is wasting away. Over the past two years, its value has fallen from one and one-eighth to a mere three quarters of a Parangi Kahapana. The pundits of arthashaasthra, the men learned in the ways of lucre have predicted, by looking at the stars, that the value will fall to two thirds before it reaches its nadir. What has caused this illness? Why has the previously well fed and fit apsara now become like unto a wilted crone? The pundits of arthashaasthra, the gandharvas of Siu-rik, of that mountain-girt Parangi metropolis which is home to places of safekeeping for the Kahapanas of many realms, say that this is because of the dharma of cause and effect, the cause of the monies owed by Amerikaawa to the rest of the world. It appears that, that mighty empire across the seas has debts worth two fifths of its wealth. Its borrowings alone are greater than the wealth of any other kingdom in the world, except of course the wealth of this Resplendent Isle; for has not the value of our own Kahapana been rising until recently? The pundits say that the situation has got worse because of Pandhura's adventure in the Land Between the Rivers. There, in spite of having captured his foe Takritiye Sadhaham (who emerged from his Paathaalaya, his Underworld, looking like Ajitha Keshakamblin, totally hirsute) his well-armed hosts must continue to do battle with the stubborn Yonaka warriors. His dhandumonaras are falling from the skies like termite drones after mating, their wings broken and their occupants sent to the Yama realm. He spends ten thousand kotis every year just to keep his armies there. In earlier days, this would have been a happening on the opposite edge of the world and would not have been considered of great import. However, now the world has stopped being flat and having become global in shape, all beings are now interconnected by 'Kang-kung', 'Ooru-ge rawum' and other such magical herbs and yanthras. Now when Pandhura coughs in Amerikaawa, Heen-Banda in Galendbindhunuwewa dies of an excess of phlegm. So what will happen as the Kahapana of Amerikaawa plummets on towards its doom? The gandharvas are betting on an increasingly expensive Parangi Kahapana, but they warn that the consumption which afflicts Amerikaawa will have its effects on the rest of the world. The lenders will find that their loans will not be repaid by the biggest borrower in the world. This could lead to universal ruination. In order to deal with this, we should become like the sages of the Buddha's time and plunge ourselves into hedonism, letting the music play as the ship sinks. That, after all is the time-tested remedy for all the ills of this Dhammadweepa. Swasthi Shree! This rock edict is made on this day of Ravi of the month of Dhuruthu of the Year of the Saka Era 1930. |
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