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| Sunday, 3 October 2004 |
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Solitude by Aryadasa Ratnasinghe
But, Niluka did not say anything serious, and pretended not to know the truth. As nothing was forthcoming, Kusala went to the office where Nimal worked, to find out the truth. But, he was not there. On inquiry, she became aware that he had gone to a nearby restaurant to have lunch. Restaurant When Kusala entered the restaurant, she was more alarmed than surprised to find that he was having lunch with a beautiful looking girl. Without disturbing them, she returned to the office and tried to ascertain who the girl was. "Who is that woman having lunch with Nimal"? Kusala asked from an officer working in the office. "She is Padma, his steno" came the reply. Kusala returned home unable to supress her sadness. In the evening when Nimal returned home, she did not speak a word with him, but began to sob. "Now, Kusala, what's wrong with you today? Are you having a headache. If you behave like this, what would you do after our marriage?" Marriage "Marriage? with whom? asked Kusala angrily. "What are you talking, Kusala? Are you mad or have you listened to someone's gossip"? "Now tell me who Padma is" said Kusala. "About whom are you talking, Kusala?" I have no Padmas. There is only one who is my steno. She is only an employee and nothing more." said Nimal to cover his guilt. "I saw you both having lunch at the Globe restaurant yesterday. I did not want to disturb you. So I came back home completely frustrated and down-hearted. I don't want to marry anyone. As a fatherless child, I have none to express my grievance. I want to leave the home and become a nun so that all my worries would be over. I want to die peacefully". said Kusala wiping her tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Now, be patient, Kusala. Don't take ad hoc decisions. Think before you leap. You are still young and you must enjoy life. Then you can enter a nunnery, and lead a holy life to escape from samsara. "Your preaching is not going to change my mind, Nimal. I loved you from the bottom of my heart. You have cheated me. You are not worth to be a faithful husband, said Kusala wishing to break away from the conversation. She immediately rushed into her room and locked the door. Forgiveness Nimal now wondered what to do. The cat was out of the bag. He thought he must ask her forgiveness for what he had done. At the same time, he thought that he would not be able to make ends meet. That day, after dinner, he spoke to her and inquired whether she had actually given up the idea of marriage. "I'm not a double-tongued orator. I have told you what I have to say. It's usless in trying to compromise now. As I have already told you, I have made up my mind to renounce the world and lead a spiritual life, rather than get married to a person like you and undergo all the misery in life." said Kusala in a faltering voice. Nun Two days later she went to meet Asoka at the Visakha Nunnery. Asoka had become a nun after her husband's death. She was an elderly woman about 55 years old. Kusala told Asoka the whole story and why she had decided to become a nun. Asoka agreed to help her, if she was determined to join the nunnery. One day, to Nimal's surprise, he came to know that Kusala had left home, after leaving a letter, intimating that she would not return as she had made arrangements to enter a nunnery. As she had not disclosed the name of the nunnery, Nimal was in a dilemma as he was to trace her whereabouts. As it was not proper to hide facts, Kusala sent word to Shelton to come and see her. When Shelton went to the Visakha Nunnery, he met Kusala in yellow robes, shaven headed and reading a book. Sil Matha When she saw Shelton, she spoke to her and exchanged greetings. "I'm no more the Kusala you knew. I'm now a 'sil matha' having taken the vow of 'brahmacari' life. As a fatherless child I had no other consolation than becoming a nun, without getting involved in worldly pleasures. The nunnery was near Udahamulla in Nugegoda, to which she had once been with her father to participate in an alms giving ceremony. A neighbour of Shelton, who had the occasion to go to the nunnery, met Kusala, and told her the surprising news that Padma, who had married Nimal, had eloped with another man, on the second day of their marriage. Kusala did not utter a word as she had nothing to do with mundane problems. Nimal, unable to bear it also thought of becoming a priest, but his father prevented him. Nimal now realised that if he had married Kusala, he would never face such a situation, as she was honest, trustworthy and chaste. |
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"There's nothing wrong with me, Kusala. There is too much of work
in office. In addition, someone has petitioned against me saying I take
bribes. That's why my mind is not at peace. I'm worried and that is why
you feel the difference." said Nimal to save himself from the guilt.
Kusala now contemplated over the change and the excuse given by Nimal. She
went to meet Niluka and told her what her brother had told her.
