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| Sunday, 19 December 2004 |
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Features |  |
| News Business Features Editorial
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Gift giving : It's the thought that counts or is it? by Hana Ibrahim It probably began with the Three Wise Men who came bearing gifts to visit baby Jesus. Or may be even before that. With the Neanderthal man who dragged in a dead something or the other for his Neanderthal woman. When is not the issue, but come Christmas, gift giving becomes a dominant topic in every working person's conversation.
What should one give his or her loved one? The answer isn't all that important. After all, what a person chooses is his personal choice. But in choosing what he chooses, he may be revealing more about himself than he would wish the outside world to know. For, looked at it from a psychological point of view, there is definitely more to gifts than the simple idea of giving or even of sharing. To delve into it is to open up a whole Pandora's box of fascinating insights, not always pleasant. For every gift, like every action, has an interpretation, which reveals to the outside world more than what one would like to reveal of himself and of what he thinks about the recipient. "The true nature of a person can be revealed by the kind of gifts he gives," say a psychologist who doesn't want to be identified admitting that though overtly, gift giving is a goodwill gesture and a signal of love, psychologically it could also mean something totally different. To, him and many in his profession, everything about a gift - shape, size, colour, material - tells a story of its own, peeling away the layers of civilised veneer of man to reveal his true personality. Some one who is in the habit of giving away unwanted gift, or inappropriate gifts, psychologists claim, could either be construed as a skinflint who doesn't want to spend any money or as someone who doesn't give a damn about the other. He could also be seen as a non-assertive person. An assertive person, they claim, would often give gifts that are appropriate for the occasion, in accordance with his status and in keeping with the nature of the person to whom he is giving the gift. To give something expensive and quite inappropriate is an indication, that the person is suffering from an inferiority complex and is trying hard to please the other. Psychologists say that gifts in general are often given with some intentions - both hidden and open. It could be given to make a person happy as in the case of family and friends, or in the case of hosts, it could be given to compensate what the other is spending on his guests. In families that share gifts, it is a symbol of love. A son might give a father a cap with a 'Big Dad' log on it as a sign of respect. A husband might give his wife a Mercedes and would look at it as an investment. Sometimes the gift might be funny and given just for a laugh. But in most other cases, it often depends on the kind of gift that is given. Flowers are generally accepted as a symbol of love and caring, psychologists agree. But a whole lot depends on the colour and the kind of flowers. Red can be especially construed as a symbol of love, and pink, as wanting to create a cheerful atmosphere. Yellow is a mark of jealousy. A bouquet of mixed flowers would mean the giver wants the other person to be happy. Mixed bouquets are often given to those who are convalescing after an ailment, to those who are in hospital or to somebody who is returning after a holiday. The bouquet is meant to cheer a person and make her happy. Lingerie basically indicates a sense of fun. A man might give it to a woman because he wants to have some fun that does not have any strings attacked. It could also mean the man is treating the woman as an object. Not surprisingly or is it surprisingly, most of the gift items looked from a psychological angle, have some sort of sexual undertones attached to it. Often they may be construed as indications of love and consideration and don't mean anything more. But historically man has always been a giver and the woman a receiver. Man started to give gifts in order to please and the woman enjoyed receiving them. Then as society started growing, when people started becoming more territorial, people started giving gifts to those stronger than them, in order to get protection? Giving and receiving, many psychologists say, are very reciprocal things. You give something and get something in return, even if it is only the pleasure of giving. However, many believe that when human being developed, their inner personalities began to unravel. What the ancient man gave his ancient woman is moot point. Perhaps he dragged in a dead deer and said 'Woman, I clubbed this animal to death for you. But make sure you feed me the meat." In the same line of thought, it is intriguing to wonder what psychologists would have made of the gifts the three wise men brought for baby Jesus. But that is also moot point. What they make out of present day gifts, however make interesting reading. Given the Freudian line of thought, where all elongated things have a special symbolism, it is not surprising to hear psychologist say that any gift, long or pointed, be it a pen or a tie, has deeply intimate connotations. And that it also depends on the colour. The gifts a person choose indicate the character of the person and also the mood he or she is in, when out shopping. Red indicates love and sex, black a depressive mood and white, a mark of respect. Green also indicates respect, while blue denotes peace. Yellow is the colour of jealousy. These colours combined with the type of gifts can, to a certain extent, expose a person's nature and his intentions. Gifting a man with a tie would indicate that a woman wants to marry him, or have something intimate in mind. Giving a pen also makes him arrive at the same conclusion. If a woman gifts a pen to a man it means she wants a physical relationship. But if a man gives one to a man, to someone who is not a writer and has not much use for it, it could indicate latent homosexuality. It could be the same when a woman gives it to another woman, other than to one who really needs it. In the case of perfume, it often depends on what kind of perfume or to whom it is given. If it is something exotic like musk, and if a woman gives it to a man, it means she wants more pleasure from him. If it is mild and something flowery, it means she wants him to be gentle with her. The same goes for men. But on the whole, there are also other aspects to consider. It could be given as something to mask the other person's body odour, especially if they are in love. And if they are not, or if they are not involved, it could mean the giver wants to have a deeper relationship. Psychologists describe perfume as a sensitive gift, and say that people would not often give perfumes without knowing the choice or preference of the other. Giving perfumes, he believes, could also be construed as a goodwill gesture, but more often, it is not. When a woman gives a gift of perfume to another, it is often a sign of friendship, a show of consideration where one wants the other to be happy. But in certain cases, it could indicate something deeper even a relationship. With the different kinds of exotic soaps and bubbles baths available in the market, soaps also make good gifts. But what are the psychological connotations? Gifting soap is an indication of what one wants from another. They are cleansing objects and by gifting them one might indicate that he wants the other to be clean, especially if they are in a relationship. Of course all this could be dismissed as psychological mumbo jumbo and discarded without a second thought. After all, it is the thought that counts. But then again, in psychology, it is the thought that makes all the difference. So the next time, you go out and buy a gift, think for a minute. Are you just buying a gift, or are you revealing something important about yourself. |
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