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| Sunday, 3 July 2005 |
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Short Story : The Dilemma As I entered the reception hall, my eyes were drawn to the young lady in a sky blue silk dress. The touch of her glossy dark hair, combed tightly backward and let loose on her back added to her excellent figure. "An aura of a refined and self-possessed personality", I told myself "That could be my girl". It had to be a friend of my cousin's who married that day. The young lady noticed my looking at her and walked up to me with a warm smile, as if she knew me very well. She stopped, just one foot away from me, grabbed my hand, and said "I was waiting for you. It's been a long time, since you vacation with us in Polonnaruwa." I was ashamed of my feelings, as I realised she was my father's sister's daughter, Kamani. My aunt who is a physician, was a assigned to a hospital in Polonnaruwa and I, spent my vacation with them, for several years. The last time I was with Kamani, was 20 years ago, before my family went abroad. She was eleven-years-old and I was 17. During the first two to three years abroad, I wrote to Kamani and then by and by, lost contact with her. Since both our families, changed residences from time to time. Before, I could speak she told me, "I knew I would meet you some day" and then, she pulled out something from her handbag and placed it in my palm. I could not believe my eyes. It was the lost bronze heart, I carried in my wallet ever since, I was 12. This was with me so that I could always remember my future love. I inscribed on it "Heart of My Love, Wherever you are". She turned the inscribed side and said, "I am here now." My legs began to shake and I could not stand there any more. Not wanting to embarrass her in public, I told her, "I am glad to see you. You look great. I need to go to CR (Rugby Club). I will see you later. She said okay. Don't run away I will be near the door." Only child Being the only child in the family, I craved for the company our sister and Kamani provided the warmth and opportunity to interact with a female sibling. If not for her, I would have become like my friend, who developed a female phobia and could not relate to girls. I was fortunate to have her and it made me proud to walk with her, visit places, go shopping and see movies. Every time she called me Aiya, I felt important. During my sojourn abroad, I did not forget her and every time, I remembered her, I was very grateful to her and prayed for her to have all the best things in life. Now, when I realised that she had been in love with me all these years and had wanted to marry me, I wish I was dead. How could this will ever happen? She too, was the only child, my aunt had and she took me for a brother. She had not reached adolescence and I treated her like a little sister. She behaved like a playful little girl. However, I noticed a change in her attitude towards me, after the Manampitiya experience we had had two days before, I left for Colombo. I could not remember her calling me aiya after this incident and on the day that I was leaving, she did not hug me, as she had done before. I thought, she was angry with me, because I was leaving earlier than on the previous occasions. Refuse Apart from visiting historical places, life in Polonnaruwa was pretty uneventful for Kamani. When she heard of a musical show at Manampitiya, where the Prime Minister was to handover, newly constructed houses to the villagers, he wanted to attend the function. He begged me to take her bare and I aunt told me, "Ramesh, take nangi to Manampitiya." I for one did not like to go to crowded places and yet I could not refuse my aunt's request. That morning an old farmer with a very dignified look, who used to visit my aunt, every now and then, came and stood in the compound as I was picking up dry leaves. He seemed to have something to tell me, and so, I stopped and waited for him to speak. He cleared his throat and made a solemn announcement, "sir, there's going to be floods today. Don't go anywhere. I controlled my laughter, out of respect for him. We had not seen a cloud for over two to three months and the weather forecast said, "no rain for the next two months." I asked him, "why did you say so?" he looked around solemnly, cleared his throat, pointed his stick at a small plant and said, sir, look at the plant in the midst of dead grass. It has no life. But today, it has a fresh bud." What I saw surprise me. Then, he explained, "it used the little water it has, to issue that bud anticipating a sure water supply that would be sufficient for many more days." Next he pointed at the cracked earth's crust and said "sir, the ants are going towards the house, seeking shelter under the foundation. You will find these ant paths, all around the house." Inclination Against my inclination and the advise of the farmer, I took my cousin to Manampitiya in the afternoon. As the Prime Minister began his speech, I saw tiny cloud, the size of my fist, appearing in the southern sky, I kept on looking at it and within a minute or two, it grew into a huge cloud. Then, in no time, it covered the whole sky and a chilling cold wind began to blow. Next hails stones pelted on us and people began to run, pell-mell, for safety. I grabbed my cousin and went under the stage, where many had found refuge. With the heavy downpour, the water level soon rose up to my knee. Kamani began to shiver, and I covered her with my shirt. When I heard the chattering of her teeth and saw her going to faint, I grabbed her and held her tight to my chest, fearing something bad might happen to her. She gradually became normal. After the rain, on our way home in the bus, she slept on my lap, embarrassing me and yet, I allowed her, since, she was weakened by the cold wave. When we reached home, she told me "I love you" and I thought at that time, that it was my sister speaking. Letters In the letter she wrote, after our Manampitiya experience, she dropped the words aiya andnangi and addressed me as "my dearest" and ended the letters with the symbol of a heart in which she wrote her name. Now it all became clear to me, when I read the paper that fell off my pocket, while I was in the club. She had slipped it into my pocket, during the short encounter, and it was a part of a poster on the Manampitiya event that we took as a souvenir. She had written on it "I fell in love today. Our hearts beat together as one. I will spend all my life with him." I could not understand how my holding of her, close to me to save her from the chill could insight a love for me. Probably, I held her close to me, for long enough, for chemical reactions in her body to activate a romantic feeling. Probably, it was her first embrace of a young male. I felt cheated for having her being in love with me, for so long, without my knowledge and also felt guilty about holding her close to me. But then, it was a situation where I had no choice, but to do what I did. It has produced a situation where my life has come under siege. I repented for not taking the farmer's warning seriously." Whatever was happening at the wedding party did not affect me. I went out, took her outside on a bench and began to talk to her. I told her "if you are not my sister, I would have been the happiest person today." She said, we were never brother and sister and we still aren't. We were like brother and sister, and even more. You were very happy with me and I was too. That day, when you held me close to me, I felt like a grown up woman." It is true that I was happy to be with her then, and I still love to be with her even now. Yet, I never had romantic feelings for her, but only a brotherly kind of love and I could never be able to have such feelings even now. Appealed One thing she said appealed to me. "I am afraid, to marry someone I don't know. There was a strong bond between us. Since our culture approaches this kind of marriage, we have no problem. I only wish you love me. I too had the problem of marrying a stranger, the bonding which whom would often suffer suspicion, power struggles and misunderstandings. In marriage, bonding had to be larger than life. Childhood bonding seemed to be strong and in this kind of relationship, the bonding was larger than life. Since it has been in existence, even before we were born. There was security in such a marriage, since cousins shared habits, ideas, sentiments, psychosocial, and genetic links. Yet, I did not like inbreeding. Even though marriage within a clan or within a cast or class might have served to enhance material, social and psychological security. I liked the unlikely differences that made life colourful, rich, lively and rejuvenating. I wanted to marry a foreigner and yet, I found myself in adequate to deal with the difference. Love was an art of maintaining and I was afraid of failure. I would be very secure with Kamani and she with me. I told her "I need time to think over this" and she said, "of course I can wait for a another few years, or all my life. But I am sure we will be together before a month could pass!" |
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