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| Sunday, 4 December 2005 |
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Domestic violence and way forward by Aditha Dissanayake "My mother was my source of inspiration. Looking at the agony she suffered, I decided I would never let a man dominate my life". - Pearl Stephan "Dare to be different" urged the slogans on the leaflet distributed by the Campaign to End Violence Against Women in Sri Lanka, at the commemorative meeting of the International Day of Violence Against Women on 30th November 2005. "Abuse, violent behaviour and sexual harassment occur in all social strata and is present in every community both educated and uneducated. Unfortunately it is the women and children who most often fall victim to abuse by a member of the family," read the leaflet. Even though comments like "Is your brother at home today?" (Aiya gedarada?) aimed at girls in slacks and e-messages with lewd pictures and suggestions too can be called harassments according to Savithri Wijayasekera, Director, "Women in Need", the most prevalent form of violence against women in Sri Lanka is domestic violence. These include women being abused with hurtful words within the family, having no financial independence and at times not even the right to their own bodies. Narrating several real-life stories to emphasize her point that violence against women is regarded as a norm and that women who had the courage to speak up are now leading far happier lives than before, Wijayasekera cited the story of Nelum who had got married through a marriage proposal and who was abused by her husband and in-laws over her dowry. Cast off by her own parents with nowhere to go she had sought the assistance of WIN and is now living with her daughter in a house rented for her by WIN. Dr. Lakshman Senanayake, speaking on the topic of "Domestic Violence as a Public Health Issue" began his presentation reminding the audience, the majority of whom were men (representatives of the Police Department, government officers dealing with the issue of gender-based violence, apart from women's groups, NGOs and multilateral agencies) that violence against women dates back to the time of Kuveni. "Society ill-treated Kuveni when in my opinion she was a faithful wife who looked after her husband", said Dr. Senanayake. An interesting point that he made during his speech was that men too have problems. Society expects certain characteristics from both men and women. Men are supposed to be rational, smart, aggressive and fearless. They are never supposed to cry. "When a mother dies in one of my wards I feel like crying. But being a man I can't show my emotions. If I cry in the ward people will say I'm a baby (VOG mahattaya babek vage adanava). Society on the other hand, expects a woman to cry whenever she feels sad. The men and women who do not confirm to these norms are ostracized. Admitting, however, that the problems faced by women are more drastic than those faced men. Dr. Senanayake also stressed that women themselves are at times responsible for the attitudes instilled in men regarding their wives. Citing a case from Anuradhapura he said a mother had told her son-in-law on the day of her daughter's wedding "I brought her up as best as I could. If you find anything lacking in her feel free to beat her". Recounting some of his experiences related to sexual harassment, Dr. Senanayake said he had once a fourteen year old girl in Panadura brought to him by her family wanting an abortion. He says he still does not know and will probably never know if what he did was right or wrong, but since abortion is not permitted in our country unless it is to save the mother's life, he had asked the family to marry the girl to the father of her child. The culprit had agreed to marry the girl and the doctor himself had delivered the baby. But when he had suggested that the girl should return to school he had been told that the Department of Education does not permit girls with babies to continue their education in a normal school. The doctor also recalled a time when he had kept a mother in his ward for two months to save her from being cruelly beaten by her husband, thus emphasizing the fact that doctors must not only treat the patient and send her home but ask her how and why she got hurt, who hurt her... listen to her and try to help her. A. N. R. Amaratunga, Secretary for Ministry of Social Welfare, too said that mothers themselves give special attention to their sons and instill in them that they are superior to their sisters. He said women who experience domestic violence have to overcome two fears, before making a complaint to the authorities. i.e. Will things get worse in her home? what will happen to her children?. Amaratunga also pointed out one of the weaknesses in the Domestic Violence Prevention Act (2005) which was launched on that day by saying that the Act does not cover violence against retarded women. Sumedha Jayasena, Minster for Women's Empowerment and Social Welfare, admitted that even though there has been a vast number of discussions and meetings about women and violence no clear results have emerged. Happy that she could instigate the Act in Parliament the minister explained she herself knew women, especially in the rural areas, who endured all the ill-treatment their husbands meted out to them because they saw it as a disgrace to the family to bring this fact out into the open. Prof. Savithri Goonesekera, said the Domestic Violence Act should be placed in the context of the legal system and is not an Act which would break-up the family unit as some believe. Emphasizing the need for heralding a culture of zero tolerance she said domestic violence does not mean violence in the home alone, but violence within the family be it between in-laws, siblings or married couples. The welcome address was made by Swarna Sumanasekera, Chairperson, National Committee on Women inviting Dr. Hiranthi Wijemanne, Director, National Child Protection Authority to chair the event, while the final speech was made by Senior Deputy Inspector General of Police, Sirisena Herath, who emphasized the importance of prevention of domestic violence. Begun on 25th November, which is the UN International Day for Elimination of Violence Against Women during sixteen days of activism ending on 10th December which marks International Human Rights Day, the National Committee on Women, Women in Need and the WE CAN campaign, urge everyone to make a change. To reach out, to speak up and act now. |
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