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| Sunday, 4 December 2005 |
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That's life... I've come up with the best model for the best speech you can make these days. One thing is that it really wasn't very hard to come up with it. Apparently that is what is in vogue right now and that is what everyone seems to be doing these days. Follow my model speech and I assure you that you will see a drastic change in your popularity.
Then you must talk vaguely on the introduction by introducing a number of ideas and points. You will then elaborate on a few of those points, but when you get to the interesting ones you must always say that you will get back to them later. Actually you won't, but you must say it nevertheless. For the next thirty minutes you will go on in the tone of one trying to send people to sleep, although it must be said here that a few lessons from any amateur speaker will certainly go a long way. After this you will say that yes, you have already taken up too much too much time already. This absolutely must be followed by a sharp turn of your body with which will try to show that you are actually planning to stop your speech. However you will not be doing this. What you will be doing is saying that although you have been talking for quite a long time what you really wanted to say has come up just now. Another important point is to repeat whatever had been said by those who got to speak before you did. You will let the audience know of intentions by saying "I know I'm repeating everything my good colleague just said, but I felt that I really had to go through it before starting points two, three and four which are very important if you are to understand points five, six and seven on which I have based points eight, nine and ten. I shall get back to this after I take another view into this subject." Now this taking another view part is very important simply because you get to go through it in very much the same way as before. Also I must point out that this sort of thing appears to be very impressive because a lot of speakers seem to follow this method. Do feel free to deviate from your given subject. It is entirely okay if you suddenly feel the need to pursue the subject of politics, taxes, cooking, the dodo bird or the disadvantages of licking postage stamps. In fact it will be much better to make a small reminder to side step your subject every once in a while. But do try to include topics which don't really have any connection whatsoever to the subject at hand. The objective of this method is to make sure that audience leaves the hall with a wide range of ideas inside their heads. For example, let us say that you have been invited to speak on the advantages of growing roses as a garden plant. Be assured that you can always speak about the importance of using blue coloured screen savers on the computer. For good measure you can always throw in a few points on the importance of colouring your hair green and yellow at the same time. It is around this time that the mediator will tap his mike. Please do remember that you have the complete right to ignore him. He will then resort to annoying whispers. You certainly must do your best to show that you don't even hear him. Do give in to the urge to go on and start on elaborating a third view. But here is my ultimate warning- the mediator's last resort will be to reach under his chair to get hold of the huge brick which will then be thrown at you. You have probably never seen this because not many mediators have had the good fortune of coming to the last resort because the one before it is to adjust the sounds on the mike to make it sound as if your vocal cords have suddenly decided to go loony (that is if they weren't before. If not it will be even worse). I do believe that this method is widely used in... (Never mind, I DO value my life) Do try your best to show that you are reluctant to end your speech. Do everything in your power to make the speech as long as possible. I'm sure you can come up with more ideas in your own. Many speakers already have, so it doesn't seem to be a very hard task. Do your best in everything and what a nice sentiment to end this article with. by Dilini Algama |
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The first thing to keep in mind is that you should always have a very
thick sheaf of papers in your hand when walk up to the front. It'll look
very impressive you see. It'll also show that you have done a lot of
research on the subject you are going to speak about. You should start by
saying that although you have been given a certain time limit, you can't
possibly be expected to encapsulate it in one hour and the subject you
have been asked to speak about can hardly even be introduced in that time.
