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| Sunday, 02 April 2006 |
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All for love... A freezing chill ran over her whole physique. The wind blowing through the flimsy curtain added an incomparable coldness to the atmosphere. She needed his warmth more and more. Things fell apart a long time ago. The memories in retrospect were not very beautiful. Yet she found them somewhat soothing to console her wounded heart. She settled in a cozy chair with a blank glance at the eerie environment. The pen ran down the piece of paper involuntarily. To the one I hate... Not sure whether I have the right to call you dear. That's why I started the letter in that manner. This might seem long. But please bear with me and read it to the end. This is not to ask you to come back to me. Even if I ask you, there is only a remote possibility of your coming back. I know I caused you severe pain and agony when you were with me. But I don't want to apologize. According to my standards, I have given you the best. But can you remember the question you repeated over an over again? "What have you given me"? The question which made my soul tear apart: it was this very question which even drove us apart. Perhaps you might know the gravity of it. How dare you ask such a question from the love of your life? For me the question itself is enough to mark the end of any relationship. Human relationships are very fragile. By asking that, you questioned my love, which is my life basically. I could never ask you such a question for I know you have given me so much. The touch of your flesh, the warmth of your sigh and even the musk of your sweat meant love to me. How precious they are to me? I live with them even now. Now I have a question for you. In what terms do you measure love? I met you when your life was a chaotic mess. I believe I gave it some order. Not sure whether I deserve the credit according to and I don't need you to accept it. It made you smile; I made your life pleasant. These I feel deep inside my heart. What a person feels deep inside one's heart is real. Dreamed Recently I dreamt of a quarrel which took place between us a long time back. Those words of you still resonate in my ears. "It's good if we never married? Then I could have been your ideal lover forever. No taint of our love will be there then. Don't you know? When people marry and time passes by you really get bored. Then you start living in your dreams. Dreams become a life giving sap to face life. Now I am experiencing the same thing. I'm still wondering where I made the blunder. In your eyes I have erred everywhere. But are you perfect? Are you totally in the right? I don't need answers. Finally what I have to say is this. Let me be frank. I strive to hate you because only when you try to hate a person, you get to know how much you love that person. You realize how difficult it is to hate your love. The more you try to hate, the more your soul intertwines with the one you love. Before you walk apart from me forever, think of these at leisure. I hope you know who I am. She never expected a reply for she knew quite well that he would never reply. In her perception she had begun to love him more now. Their past had not been a path strewn with roses. It was quite thorny. There were ample occasions in which her heart bled with sorrow. She sat at the piano and started playing. It resembled the tune of an elegy. It sang the agony of her heart. The white flower kept on the piano nodded its head as if in compassion. Life went on monotonously. One day a letter arrived to her surprise. She tore open the envelope with a slight tremble. No letter was there except a few dry petals of a rose. Even though they were dry, the fragrance of them seemed to fresh. She stared at them in wonder. She noticed that something was scribbled on them. She took them out gently and placed them on her palm with utmost care. They only said: I erred everywhere in the name of love only. Indu Gamage, University of Ruhuna. |
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