Minding the brood at 85!:

All for the love of the Offspring's offspring

by Rikaza Hassan

Nilukshi and Chamara are the proud parents of eight-year old Janith. Their daily routine includes dropping Janith off at school before heading off to work themselves. When school finishes, Janith waits for his school van which drops him off at Nilukshi's parents' house where he spends the rest of the day taken care of by his grandparents. Indunil and Gamini (the grandparents) are in their early sixties, with no servant, fending for themselves in their spacious house. How fair is it to expect the grandparents to be regular baby-sitters of your children? Or are they just happy to be parents the second time around with their grandchildren?

A duty

Indunil does not believe it is reasonable of their child to expect her parents to "automatically become her baby-sitter." However she concedes that one never stops being a parent and hence such duties cannot be shirked. "It is not that I don't love my grandson, it is just that my bones are too old to have me running behind an eight-year-old.

I am always scared that if I am not able to take care of him properly, Nilukshi will blame me." Her husband however is of the opinion that baby-sitting has made him "a good ten years younger," and remarks that he misses his "little boy" when he goes home and on weekends. "If we didn't baby-sit him, we would probably hardly ever see him at all. At least this way we get to spend some quality time with him."

While single parents are applauded the world over, single grandparents with a huge brood deserve a prize and a lot of assistance. Kamala, 50 the mother of three and young grand mother of five has her own offspring apart from the grandchildren to look after. She is tasked with picking up three from a nearby montessori and school and taking care of them till late in the evening during the weekdays, having the children dropped off at her place at a moments notice when their parents go out to dinners, weddings and such. She is worried more about her youngest child still living with her.

Pent up anger

"She is very much younger to her siblings and is studying for her A/Ls. The children disturb her studies, mess up her room. Her brother and sister don't think about her at all." These days Kamala spends her days worried of more responsibility to come her way.

"My daughter-in-law had twins recently and is planning to go back to work soon. If I refuse to take care of them my son will get angry with me, but I don't know how I'll cope." As she sighs and thinks of her youngest child, she lets her pent up anger show for a moment. "They must think of their sister even if they don't care about me," she declares.

Happy

Yet not all grandparents consider baby-sitting their grandchildren a burden. Some take their second round of parenting joyously to heart. Fathima proudly recalls her presence at the pregnancy and initial child raring of every single one of her grandchildren. She has home remedies for all those little baby ailments and has lain awake countless number of nights singing them to sleep. Presently she resides at her daughter's residence despite having to leave her husband all alone at their home.

With her daughter's two "babies" the only grand children currently in the country, she spends her day cooking special food for them, cleaning them up, playing with them and performing all other motherly duties.

Fathima believes that it is her duty as a grand mother to make sure the offspring of her offspring are well taken care of. "It's absurd to let them leave the children with a servant or in some day care centre in the present times when you can't trust your own relatives, how can you trust outsiders whose only purpose is to earn money?"

Towing the line

For some others the difficulty faced is worth every second. Says Lakshmi who spends her school day mornings looking after her infant grandson and cooking lunch for her son's family, "It's hard at my age, but it is the only time I get to spend with my grandchildren."

When her daughter-in-law, a teacher returns home after work with her older son, Lakshmi is granted an hour at most to spend time with her grandson while having lunch, after which she is to return home.

"We (she and her husband) never see them during weekends or the long school holidays. They never visit and they don't like having us there either," she adds with a tear in her eye. It is said that one stops being a parent only at death. And while parents all over will surely swear to this fact, just how much can children expect of their parents? How far can they tow the line?

* all names have been changed.