Parents Vs parents

Rat-race begins long before a baby is born:

by Samangie Wettimuny

Savini's aunt had a huge problem - a queer one - I may say. The aunt too had a daughter of Savini's age. So is what is the problem? You may ask. But some 'aunts' won't ask that question as they too 'suffer' from the same problem.

The aunt's house becomes a 'battle field' when the daughter gets her progress report at the end of the school term. Need I tell you who declares war? She is not worried about her daughter's low marks, but her problem is Savini's 'high marks'.

"Once the teacher by mistake had added five more marks on my answer script. Hashini (daughter of Savini's aunt) quickly ran to the teacher to correct that mistake saying" My mother is never worried about my marks. But if you scored more marks she'll try to kill me" Savini, my protagonist thus reveals how she became a victim of her (non) aunt's problem. Savini's mother being a teacher always helped Hashini with her studies, and Savini's aunt 'indeed' 'helped' her in return!

Thus some 'aunts' try to get a leg up over their nieces and nephews, causing these young ones severe trouble. The competition can be equally severe among neighbours as well. The education system in Sri Lanka is competitive and exam-oriented. "But I don't think that is the reason for the 'competition' among parents." says Niluka, again a victim of her aunt.

She could get through the Year 5 scholarship-Sri Lanka's annual mini battle, bur her cousin couldn't." That was the starting point. Ever since that day my wicked aunt used to say that "You will somehow get through exams 'however much' difficult they may be!" Niluka sees this as jealousy - "You can cure most diseases, but there is no cure for jealousy."

Now the rat race begins even before the Year Five scholarship. As the babies take their first steps, or rather soon after they 'stop' crawling they are being dragged into pre-schools. "The problem now is finding a good pre school" a young mother whose daughter just turned three told me recently.

Also they are worried about the 'stuff' that are being taught there. Omega is one such. She had to admit her three year old son to a new pre-school recently as the teachers in the previous one let him do what he wanted! But her neighbour's son's pre-school is full of activities.

Teachers give him home work and Omega sees her 'baby' neighbour doing his 'homework' through a 'secret' window. So can Omega take a chance though her parents who are teachers continuously told her that her child had been attending the ideal pre-school?

About four or five decades ago, only the slow learning students sought the help of a tuition master. But now almost every student attends tuition classes. Competition between parents is a blessing to tuition masters.

The neighbour's child is not allowed to attend more than one's off spring classes. "If the neighbour's child attends one class for a particular subject, one wants to send one's child to three classes for the same subject." Some parents do not want to tell others of the tuition classes that their children attend. They want to keep them as top secrets.

But Avanthi's parents couldn't keep the secret long as they met their neighbour along with her daughter on the doorstep of the same tuition class!

Avanthi's parents blushed and said "We have bought some good Biology books for our daughter. Your daughter too can share them!"

Again when Avanthi's parents meet them in church they promise to pray for their neighbour's daughter as well. It is not only in church that you can meet 'Avanthi's parents'. You can meet them in temples, kovils and mosques!

Anyway when the results are out, no more prayers for their neighbour's daughter. Avanthi has to do the exam again whereas her neighbour gets qualified to enter medical college.

For about two or three years Avanthi's family tries to evade their neighbours. "These exams have loop holes, they always make the intelligent one lose the game. Only crammers can get through them" Now that is how the story goes.

What do you think of 'the librarian' who takes all the books that are relevant for her son's studies home, without letting any one else borrow them? If someone asks for the book she would say "Oh! Mrs. X.. borrowed it last year, but never returned it.

Anyway I'll check with her". But our librarian is unlucky as that 'some one else's' child later meets the former's son in a tuition sweat shop. So now he knows who Mrs. X is!

"Nowadays it is not the students who sit for exams, but their parents." says Mrs. Wijesiriwardhana, a retired teacher. "One of my granddaughters recently sat for her Year Five scholarship and now there's great serenity at home. 'The mini- battle is over' she says with a sigh of relief."

Amidst severe protests the child was dragged into tuition classes. My daughter somehow wants to get her daughter admitted to the best school in the country."

Anyway striving to make your child perform better at exams is natural. Every parent wants to see their children getting through exams with flying colours. The problem is their dislike to see their relative's or neighbour's child perform better. It is better if they make a collaborative effort.

It is always good to have plans, but don't you think that it is a bit too much if an expectant mother plans ahead, her child's first day in school than her baby's first day in this world.

If the doctor recommends a caesarean operation to be done on February first, or so, such mothers would ask the doctor "Doctor, isn't there any possibility to take the baby out on or before January 31st, otherwise my child has to wait one more year to get admitted to school?" Have you too heard of such cases? If so, write and tell us.

(Names have been changed)

samangie@sundayobserver.lk